4 April 2009

Cars

Ferrari - see what I mean...

They often say that particular breeds of dog will reflect the character and even the appearance of their owners. Hence, Barbara Cartland and her poodles and Clement Freud with his bloodhound. See what I mean? Well I have a new theory and this concerns cars. You might even say that names or makes of car will reflect the personality or status of their owners. Following exhaustive studies, here are several car/human definitions...

Range Rover = one who pretends to be a suburban farmer, an environmental vandal.
Mini = one who wishes he or she were still young again, someone who refuses to grow old gracefully.
VW Beetle = a hippie
VW Golf = one who doesn't like golf, a pretentious insurance salesperson with an inflated ego
Volvo Estate = Earth Mother
Citroen = a Francophile on a low budget with little sense of style, someone who is easily fooled by television advertising.
Rolls Royce = one who is a member of the ruling class and is deserving of an all-night "interview" with the People's Liberation Front
Stretch Hummer/Stretch Limousine = bunch of drunken morons
taxi = one who thinks he owns the road and expects massive tips for providing extremely discourteous service after talking on a mobile phone while surging down the bus lane.
Lamborghini = one who is a rich, big-headed git but small in other respects
Ferrari = one who is a rich, big-headed git but small in other respects
Subaru = a dickhead, a boy racer.
Vauxhall Astra = one of great intelligence, style and decency who resides in God's own county of Yorkshire.
Nissan Micra = wife of one of great style, wit, wisdom, natural handsomeness etc. who resides in the promised land of Yorkshire and enjoys serving her lord and master.
Can you think of any more definitions?

6 comments:

  1. A Hull City fan and Astra driver- don't even go there...

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  2. I can't imagine which cars you and Shirley drive! What about BMW - driven by bigheads who think they own the road?

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  3. I drive a Toyota Camry that is nine years old. I shudder to think what that might mean.

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  4. You're wrong about the Vauxhall Astra. It should be a Renault Clio.

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  5. That Ferrari and that driver are "chick magnets" for sure. If I were gay (I'm not), I'd be drooling over the size of his, er, wallet.

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  6. Re Vauxhall Astra drivers could you please add the words 'Or Northamptonshire'. Cos then you would be pretty much spot on I do believe!

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