This afternoon I made a chilli sauce using my own secret recipe. I was wearing the white shirt I had donned for yesterday's funeral - once again neglecting the two aprons that hang forlornly on a coat hook behind our kitchen door. Surprise, surprise my lovely shirt is now spotted with indelible chilli juice which is co-incidentally burning through the white cotton like nitric acid.
The apron is an eminently sensible invention. It has at least two useful qualities in the kitchen. Firstly, it protects your everyday clothes from spitting food or spills. Secondly, it is an aid to good kitchen hygiene. Behind the scenes in professional kitchens, chefs always wear appropriate clothing - including aprons.
Let us move now to the thorny subject of TV chefs. Have you noticed that they very rarely wear aprons - preferring to demonstrate their kitchen skills whilst sporting designer fashions or - in the case of The Hairy Bikers - jumble sale cast-offs? Although I cannot bear bully-boy Gordon Ramsay, I must admit that he is unusual amongst TV chefs in that he normally dresses appropriately whilst marauding around his kitchens like Benito Mussolini after an all night rave.
The others - Jamie Oliver, Delia Smith, James Martin, Nigella Lawson, Lorraine Pascale et al all seem to think it's okay to be apronless when inspiring viewers to up their culinary games. Why aren't they thinking about food hygiene? Why aren't they setting a good example for younger viewers? Perhaps if they always wore aprons, my own now disintegrating white shirt would have been saved!
|Apronless Nigella Lawson stirs a Yorkshire pudding|
mixture in her designer kitchen as Charles Saatchi watches
on with a besom broom ready to thrash his ex-wife
for deliberately burning his breakfast sausage.
Apart from medieval torture, this is what Jamie, Nigella and the rest of them need:-