19 December 2014

Pain

Don't tell me about pain. I have known that beast. He has gnawed at me so that nothing else was left in my head but the howling of pain.

Was it sixteen years ago? Lying on a cold hospital trolley at 2am, moaning with the agony when nobody came to mop my fevered bow or to even say "There! There!" I was waiting for daybreak when a surgeon would appear to drive the dragon back into his lair. I had a urethral stricture close by the sphincter that leads to my bladder and to put it simply, I couldn't piss. The pressure was building and I thought that I would burst. It was awful.

If someone had arrived at my cruelly designed  high-sided hospital trolley bed  with a revolver and had said "Would you like to extinguish your pain with this little baby?" I would have yelled "Yes! Yes! Give it here!" and I would have pressed the trigger close by my temple. Such was the pain.

Compared with that, the successive  pains I have felt this calendar year have been insignificant. And yet they have still gnawed at me, threatening to hi-jack my senses, though I have strived to simply carry on.

It was back in August that I knelt awkwardly while doing a little painting job and that led to six weeks of limping like Hopalong Cassidy. And then a month ago I reached from  one of our sofas to another to grab the laptop. My chest was pressed into the arm of the sofa and something went in my torso - a sudden knife in my ribs - broken or dislocatecd or maybe an injury to my right lung. It hurt like hell. I could only sleep on my back and every morning the pain gripped my chest like an invisible fist. Cue Ibuprofen and Paracetamol. 

Then on Sunday, pain crept into my left foot. I think it is gout but it isn't in my big toe. Like the knee it has obliged me to limp. I just want it to go away. Tomorrow will be a lovely winter's day with bright sunshine illuminating the countryside for a few hours and I would love to be rambling in the Lincolnshire Wolds near to Market Rasen. Ten miles or more of vigorous plodding but at this juncture in time that seems like pure fantasy.

If you are currently pain-free dear blog visitor, be grateful and enjoy that sensation I am envious but hope that one day soon I will also know that lovely feeling  again. I  have had almost six months of it and I am getting fed up. One thing after another. Pain pain go away - come again  some other day!

27 comments:

  1. Well, Mr. Pudding....dare I say it? I feel your pain. So sorry you have had such a painful year. Must be turning 60. I imagine that the walking that you do keeps you from a lot of pain that some other people have.

    I have begun to learn that I must slow down. When walking up or down steps, I must think of the consequences if I have something else on my mind other than those steps and how to navigate them. And so on and so on. For someone who has had a busy life full of multitasking, it is a real chore to think about being careful and doing one thing at a time. I hate it, but..... Five years ago, I took a spill down the steps that changed my life forever. After surgery, I awoke with CRPS, a chronic pain syndrom of the sympathetic nervous system. I am in remission now, and can work through the pain most days with the help of some anti-seizure medication but can never afford to have to have surgery on any of my limbs again. So, I must be careful. And, so must you, Mr. Pudding.

    Can't have you not be able to take me on my virtual walks, now can I? Feel better!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your advice. In my head I am still eighteen but my body tells me I really am sixty one Mama Thyme. Falling down stairs a couple of years back means that I am now even more careful about going up and down any stairs. I always use the handrail now. I am looking forward to the day I can make you and other visitors another photo journey from my rambles.

      Delete
  2. I think we all come to know pain as our bodies begin to weary YP. I won't bore you with a list of my ailments. All I have concluded is that it is important as we age to stay as active as we can, because inactivity can bring on it's own problems. And I think it is OK (wise even) to learn how to do things more slowly. It is a strange feeling watching our bodies age. We need more poetry on the topic I believe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So sorry to hear the news of the family stabbing incident in Cairns Carol. Very tragic.
      You are right that inactivity can bring on problems which is ironic when you need to be as active as possible. I do not fancy writing poems about gout or bad knees!

      Delete
  3. I'm in pain now from reading about your pain!! Pain, pain go away and stay away, should be your mantra, Yorky! Get it right for goodness sake!

    Hope it does go away...and soon...and stays away. Take care. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your kind support Lee. Appreciated.

      Delete
  4. So sorry to hear this, Mr. Pudding. I hope you feel better soon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's nice of you Jennifer. Thanks.

      Delete
  5. You didn't go to see a doctor about the pain in your chest? Even though you suspected it could have been an injury to your lung? That would have scared me too much to just let it sort itself out.
    I very much hope the pain in your foot goes away as quickly as it came - for my sake as much as for your own, because of course I want to see pictures of the Lincolnshire Wolds! Haven't been out for a proper walk myself in a while; the weather was too nasty, it was dark too early, and so on. So I want at least your walks to participate in!

    The worst pain I've ever felt was when I was stung by a stingray. My constant back ache (due to skoliosis) is nothing in comparison.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stung by a stingray? Where were you? I shall check your blog to see if you have written about this before and I am so sorry to hear about your nagging back pain. It is hard to feel fully happy when you are sharing your life with pain.

      Delete
  6. Not good at any time of the year but gout at Christmas is appalling.
    I wish you a speedy recovery.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. From past experience I guess it will disappear after a week or so so I am hoping and expecting that all will be okay over Xmas Adrian.

      Delete
  7. Oh dear, you poor thing ! Pain does get on your nerves if you have it for long enough doesn't it? I think a visit to the doctor to sort out your foot is a good idea. Gout is an awful affliction I've heard and needs to be nipped in the bud if that is possible. I think the answer is in your diet but positive steps need to be taken under the guidance of experts.... And stay away from self diagnosis using the internet ! Hope you feel better soon. Let's hope 2015 is a pain free year. As Peace Thyme says we need to use a bit of caution as we approach our older years. We've a lot more to do !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are so many tales and theories about gout. I had my very first attack in 2005. I am sure you are right that it is triggered by the body's chemistry which of course relates very much to what we consume. Thank you for your kind concern Helen.

      Delete
  8. As somebody who was born with a spinal deformity I've had to be very careful every time I move. You wouldn't believe the number of times I've ricked my ankle just stepping off a pavement. Take care. And find yourself a massage therapist. Works wonders!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am sorry to learn that you have lived your life with a spinal deformity AJ. That can't be easy. If you would like to come up to Sheffield to massage me I shall buy some massage oil and check that my wife is at work that day. It will be our little secret.

      Delete
    2. Ah, you must be feeling a little better. That sounds more like the YP we all know and love !

      Delete
    3. You know me too well Helen!

      Delete
  9. When I was younger (i.e. any time before today) we had a classroom debate on what's more important, money, happiness, health etc. I have changed my opinion over the years - if you're not in good health, everything is much more difficult on every level.
    So, look after yourself! Go easy on the mince pies!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mince pies? Is that Barnsley rhyming slang? ...Pig's thighs? Sheep eyes?
      You are right Brian. Good health and life without pain are traits we should never take for granted. Enjoy good health while you have it I say. I hope your DVT issue is subsiding into memory now. Or is it still affecting you?

      Delete
    2. Just twinges and annoying, but not bad, pain now from time to time. Worst thing is in the mind - I'm a born worrier (see my blog!) and can't get that page well and truly turned over!

      Delete
  10. Small world YP
    I have suffered from the same complaint
    I ve felt your pain

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you mean the gout or the urethral stricture John?

      Delete
  11. No one told me, when I was 45 and longing for the freedom of retirement, that a 65 year old body wasn't just wrinkled. I thought I'd be doing the same things, just a bit slower and (observing old people) bitchier. I can't say I feel your pain, though. When a painful situation arises, my clever body just shuts off the nerves to that area. I have a grand case of neuropathy. There are good and bad things about that: I can't feel a needle for blood tests, but my legs and my brain don't communicate well, so I sort of lurch around instead of walk. As a joke, I'm sure, the only feeling in my legs is on the bottom of my tender feet. I've whipped this body into the best shape it's ever been, lost weight, eat sparsely and well enough that all my tests show wonderful health. My eyes have improved, every year for the past 4 years the prescription has been halved, to the point where I can almost see without the glasses. My hair is still not gray, the wrinkles haven't taken over. But the body is winning the war, cutting the connections between it and the brain, where I live. Ingrate! If it persists, when I do leave it, I'll have it chopped up for cat food. In the meantime, I just get the most I can out of every single day, and usually that's enough to stay happy. I do have some encouragement for facing your pain, YP. It seems like we all go through an initial period of breakdown, then there are at least 10 years afterward when things stay more controllable and enjoyable. It's like a warning signal to gather your resources and spend your time wisely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It sounds as if you are getting younger Jan! I hope you are right about the initial breakdown and then getting back on an even keel that lasts for ten years or more. I would like that.

      Delete
  12. You made me think Neil. Very seriously. I never cease to be grateful for the fact that I don't, like my brother, suffer from a severe neuropathological disorder which not only means that his nerves are dying (presumably the same as Jan) but is in severe and constant pain which cannot always be controlled by painkillers. I, like most people at sometime or another, have experienced acute pain (for example when I had part of a lung removed when I was 16 the doctor afterwards stuck a plural drain into a nerve in my back and when I had a cancer operation the nature of the operation meant that I had very severe acute pain for a while). All else, like the three broken ribs last March etc etc, pale into insignificance. But I don't have constant severe chronic pain. So I will always be grateful. Until, I suppose, I get my next bout of severe acute pain!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I suffer from chronic pain and fatigue and have for about 10 years now, so I know what you are saying about it wearing on you. I've had pain so bad after one of my surgeries that I could only see a black background with bursting points of light........seriously it was awful. The doctors her in the US rate your pain each visit on a scale of 0 to 10, zero being no pain at all ( or coarse) and 10 being excruciating pain. I feel as though the post operative pain I had was about a 12!!! As it turns out, they had forgotten to start my morphine drip on my IV prior to waking after surgery, so I woke from having a hysterectomy with NO DRUGS!!! That was not a trip down a garden path. My point to this sad little tale is that all my pain past that point gets to be compared to that one experience and so it all pales in comparison but it still does get quite old to deal with it everyday. I tell myself that I'm grateful that I can feel pain because it means I am still alive. :) Happy Holidays YP!!

    ReplyDelete

Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.