Britain's General Election is getting closer. It will be held on May 7th. Though I am happy to see that The Labour Party's star is rising, it may be time for a new contender - The Pudding Party. Here's my rough draft manifesto. In the "Comments" section please suggest another possible Pudding Party commitment.
1. Every worker will be entitled to a paid day off on his/her birthday. Schoolchildren will also be entitled to a day off.
2. Grouse shooting will be banned.
3. Cigarette smoking will become illegal on the day that the Pudding Party sweeps into office.
4. All rail fares will be halved and frozen for five years.
5. Bankers will not be allowed to receive any bonuses. Like most other workers, they will have to be satisfied with their regular salaries.
6. A committee will be set up to assess the feasibility of banning all religious garb.
7. The building of new mosques, temples or churches will not be permitted.
8. In schools, creative subjects will be central to the Pudding School Curriculum - including art, music, writing and design.
9. There will be far less Maths taught in our schools. Instead, every child will be issued with a free calculator. One hour of Maths a week will be enough for everyone.
10. Children aged ten to thirteen will be entitled to free swimming sessions each week of the school year.
11. The NHS will be one of the Pudding Party's priority zones but there will be some significant changes. Non-UK citizens will have to pay the market price for any treatment - either through medical insurance or from their own pockets. Drug companies' charges will be determined by the Pudding Party itself ensuring that gross profiteering is reined in. A fee will be introduced for any appointment with a doctor at a health centre. This fee will be linked to the patient's income so that unemployed patients pay £5 per appointment whereas the wealthiest patients will pay approximately £250 per visit to their doctor.
12. Any non-Yorkshire people who plan to make Yorkshire puddings must first pass a competency test overseen by a team of Yorkshire-born assessors led by former England and Yorkshire cricket captain Geoffrey Boycott.
13. The following people will be executed without trial - Jeremy Clarkson, Jeremy Kyle, all members of Take That, David Cameron, John Terry, Noel Edmonds and Jordan (aka Katie Price).
14. Lancashire will be encircled with barbed wire along with guards preventing exit and entry.
15. Any new bikini or brassiere designs will need to be personally approved by the leader of The Pudding Party.
16. Tetley's bitter will be reduced in price to £1 a pint.
17. All parking fees on public streets and in public car parks will be abolished and all parking enforcement officers will be sacked without compensation.
18. Tattoo parlours will not be permitted and anyone who is unfortunate enough to have any tattoos must keep them covered at all times when out and about in public.
19. There will be no more daytime television. TV channels will only be allowed to operate between the hours of 5pm and 1am.
20. Personalised number plates on cars will no longer be allowed.
21. Premiership footballers' wages will be limited to a maximum of £100,000 per annum.
22. Anyone found using mobile phones while driving will have their driving licences permanently revoked.
23. The BBC Radio 2 Sunday Morning "Love Songs" programme with DJ Steve Wright will be permanently abolished.
24. Anybody found guilty of child sex abuse will be dumped on the uninhabited Atlantic island of St Kilda and left to fend for themselves with no possibility of return to the British mainland.
25. Bloggers who don't post for months on end will be hauled before The Bloggers Tribunal to explain their laxity and if found wanting will be excommunicated from the blogosphere.
Any other ideas?
Any other ideas?