29 August 2019

Key

It was the key to the cottage accommodation I shared with Shirley at the wedding venue. It was the colour of dull grey gun metal and it was not attached to a fob or keyring. 

After showering on the morning of the wedding, I locked the door of the former cowshed and slipped that key into my right pocket. My pockets already contained keys to both of our cars, a linen handkerchief, my wallet, some loose change and the key to the "Enterprise" hire van that I had rented for the duration of the wedding time.

Hardly anybody else was up and about. It was before eight o'clock and Shirley was in the big barn working on table arrangements. Late summer mistiness was still being burnt off by the rising sun as cattle lowed contentedly behind limestone walls.

I had jobs to do. I needed my sledge hammer from the van and some wooden pegs from Clint's rear end. The painted wedding signs I had previously made were already propped up by the barn door.

I set off down the track and crossed the main road. I hammered the first sign into the verge and then I came back for the second sign, first uprooting the Wardlow Gingerbread Festival signs that were partly blocking the view from the wedding venue gateway. I hammered the second sign into the opposite verge and put the gingerbread signs elsewhere.

Then I returned to the wedding venue yard, planning to return to the former cowshed for a mug of tea and some breakfast. You guessed it already! The door key was no longer in my pocket. I emptied both pockets but it had gone.

Not too panicked at this stage, I thought that I might end up phoning the owner for a spare key. First of all it was time to retrace my steps which I did very diligently, scanning the ground below me like a hummingbird hawkmoth searching for nectar. There was a lot of gravel and a lot of grass. I soon realised that it was like looking for a needle in a haystack.

By now Frances was having her hair and make up done up in the accommodation barn where she  had spent the night with her brother and twenty five friends. I asked if she had the owner's phone number and she asked why. I said, "Nothing for you to worry about dear!"

Inside the cowshed cottage was Shirley's wedding apparel and my suit and shoes etcetera. There really was something to worry about. I borrowed James's laptop and we managed to connect to the internet. Then I was into my hotmail account where I retrieved an email from the wedding venue. I knew that it contained the owner's mobile phone number.

Leah kindly  lent me her mobile phone and soon I was speaking to the owner. I told him about the lost key.

He claimed that there was no spare key - which seemed highly unlikely. I suggested that I would call a locksmith but he said that he didn't want a locksmith damaging his door.

"What shall I do then?"

"You'll just have to look harder for the key."

And then he said goodbye as he stopped the call. I was flabbergasted and now affected by a wave of panic.

A posse of  young guests came out to search for the key, following my early morning  route exactly but as I expected - there was no joy. No key.

Back at the cottage, James volunteered to climb in through an open window. He slid in like a tree snake. By now it was half past eleven. He started passing the wedding clothes through that same window. At least we would be able to get dressed appropriately and not attend our daughter's wedding in T-shirts and summer shorts!

I returned to little jobs in the wedding barn. Around twelve fifteen - an hour before vehicles would take us to St John's Church in Tideswell, I heard a vehicle on the gravel. Moments later, I spotted that same vehicle - a black Nissan pick up heading down the track and away. I recognised it as the owner's truck.

The fellow had screeched into the yard, jumped out with the key and stuck it in the cottage keyhole before screeching off without telling anybody he had been! How crazy was that? Fortunately, I half-guessed what he had done and there it was - a shiny new key in the lock complete with a chunky keyring. 

Panic over. But that whole episode meant that I was quite flustered and agitated when I speedily donned my wedding suit with the time trundling on to one fifteen. Frances was ready first and she looked so beautiful as I tied the brand new red tie that now matched my flushed cheeks.  I had wanted another shower to cool me down but there simply wasn't time.

Maybe I will laugh about it one day but at the moment I still wish that the key incident had not happened. I had wanted to wear a single white Yorkshire rose in my lapel but I ended up with a little bush like the groomsmen, hastily attached to my suit by the wedding car driver.

45 comments:

  1. I can't believe how unhelpful that cottage owner was. You won't be recommending that as a place to stay ! Glad it all turned out OK in the end but it could have ruined the day for you .( as I am sure you have also realised!!)

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    1. Actually, it was a perfect wedding venue Frances. But you are right. The day could have been ruined. Why wasn't the original key attached to a keyring? If it had been it would have been pretty easy to spot and it might not have fallen out of my pocket in the first place.

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  2. He was unhelpful and then helpful so maybe don't curse him too much. But such are the joys of weddings and keys, and rings mislaid. I ran round the village yesterday for a front door key (because I could not open the door for a delivery) both were with friends. Key boxes should be more publicised. Left my address, please delete if no beer mats are still on offer.

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    1. There are beermats Thelma and I will be happy to send you one.

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  3. Well, that was an unwelcome addition to your lovely day. Sorry the owner was lacking in forethought (adding a key ring) and manners (cutting you off on the telephone)--especially knowing it was such an important day for your family. Glad he finally showed up; better late than never, I guess. But more stress than you needed as Father of the Bride. Good thing James was able to fit in the window to retrieve your and Shirley's wedding clothing.

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    1. As they say - it all worked out in the end Mary but I feel a little sorrowful that my final couple of hours before the wedding were not calm and measured, looking over my speech again, making small changes to the guests' tables. That pre-wedding time was frantic and anxious and I was all hot and bothered on a very hot day.

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  4. That's a story worthy of a TV drama!
    All I can say is it worked out in the end but I'm sure you could have done without the drama

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    1. I must admit that I was flustered when I didn't want to be - not on such a momentous day.

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  5. I think the owner of the cottage should be ashamed of himself. There's NO reason he shouldn't have agreed to a locksmith IMMEDIATELY. And then to finally bring a key but to drop it off without a word to anyone....I would never recommend his cottage to anyone. Jerk.

    That being said, at least nothing worse went wrong and Frances didn't have to stress out about anything on her wedding day. I'm sorry you had to go through that, though. It will all be part of family lore down the road.

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    1. Later he was pernickety about small issues related to how we left the venue. To my mind, we left it in a very good condition but the barbecue had not been cleaned and the pool table had not been lifted back into the bar area. "It's all about give and take," he moaned. Yes - he took $7000 dollars from us! As you say - he was a bit of a jerk really but that's entrepreneurs for you.

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  6. The stuff of nightmares. Quite literally.
    But it all turned out all right. And gave you a story to tell and to remember. But still- one would think that the owner would have figured out all of this out beforehand and had a plan for just such an emergency.

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    1. It was touch and go. When he phoned back - to the phone I had borrowed from one of Frances's friends - she was in the middle of having her hair and makeup done. He rang three times before she picked it up with the good news that a key was coming.

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  7. This will be the memorable story that gets told for years to come about the wedding day - and given lots of time you will laugh at it - but just not yet!

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    1. No. Give it ten years Silly Girl! I will probably be an ex-Pudding then!

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  8. Oh, brother. It's always something, isn't it?! At least all's well that ends well. It would have been slightly better if the owner hadn't responded so unhelpfully to your initial request for another key.

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    1. The rest of us live in Mark's World - for that was his name. Mark knows best...always!

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  9. What a creep. The owner of the venue, that is. Maybe one day you will laugh about it, or maybe one day the memory will be neutral, but for now I'm highly annoyed that the guy couldn't do a small curtesy to make the day less stressful. Still and all, if that was the only hitch, then the day went 99% perfectly.

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    1. Oh! I thought your first remark was addressed to me!...Yes 99% is fine isn't it?

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  10. Grumpy Git. One can choose to be amiable or a jerk. I think amiable makes the day a whole lot more pleasant for everyone, including oneself.

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    1. A couple of weeks before he told me that he would be around on the day of the wedding - in case there were any problems! But he was ten miles away.

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  11. I was panicking just reading this. You must have been frantic. One day you'll laugh about it .... something funny to tell the the grandchildren... but you were so lucky to get to the church on time.

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    1. Yes I got there...just. My red tie and red braces had been moved to the other building and it was 1.15pm already. I was shouting from the now unlocked cottage, "Help! Help!" but nobody heard me.

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  12. Yes, this will be a great family story at your expense. I do have some idea of the panic you must have gone through. the guy is a complete jerk.

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    1. That's not like you to name and shame someone Red.

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  13. Oh how I feel your pain. Glad it got sorted. Yes, you will look back and laugh just as I do now about something similar happening to me. But that's another story!

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  14. Oh dear, you do live a sheltered life if a key can upset your cart so much. Next time there is something between you and the door just take a foot to it. Both explanations and excuses can be found later. First things first.

    U

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    1. It was a very solid oak door and would have required an axe to break down. There were other things I needed to do that morning Ursula and the key issue with connected hunting prevented me from doing them. On any other day a lost key would not have fazed me.

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  15. What a shame the key disappeared, and thumbs down to an unhelpful owner. Especially given the amount of money he was getting from the deal. That's not performance. I can imagine your distress.

    I have always felt (based on an incident during our wedding reception and conversations with other couples about their weddings) that it is the rare wedding where something doesn't go wrong. Perhaps it was better that it happened to you rather than to the bride and groom - taking one for the team, so to speak :)

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    1. Your last point gives me comfort Jenny - taking one for the team...and it definitely was a team effort.

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  16. Isn't there a saying "All's well that ends well"?
    In your case, with the pernicketiness the owner showed in the aftermath just added to the picture he gave of his character.
    In spite of all this, the wedding itself was such a wonderful day, and I hope the good memories prevail.

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    1. They definitely will Meike - have no fear of that. It as magical and life affirming.

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  17. This is the kind of thing that would give me PTSD flashbacks for the rest of my life. I've got more than enough already. Only one would be more than enough.

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    1. I tried to be cool when inside I wanted to SCREAM!

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  18. Oh my, I would have been a wreck! That owner should be ashamed. Thank goodness it all worked out but I'm sorry you had to go through the extra stress!

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    1. With hindsight I realise I should have tied a ribbon or something like that to the key then there would have been no problem.

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  19. Well, that story will not soon be forgotten, eh? What a mess! Always happens. My mother used to say that something bad always happens at a wedding and something laughable always happens at a funeral. I would have been so frantic!!

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    1. Your mother was an astute woman Donna! Rather like her daughter!

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  20. Oh what a calamity! You really didn't need that to happen before the wedding. Stuff of nightmares but at least everything turned out okay in the end.

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  21. That sure wasn't and isn't any laughing matter!

    What a rude prick that fellow is!

    I can't stand rude, ignorant people. There is no excuse for it, and there certainly was no excuse for that clown's attitude!!!!!

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    1. I wish you had been there to dress him down Lee!

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    2. And, I would have, Yorkie. I also wouldn't have paid him the full amount he charged for your accommodation...because he certainly wasn't accommodating. Such ill-mannered behaviour is inexcusable. It's not worth rewarding.

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  22. I have to say that I think the owner was quite unnecessarily objectionable. In any case the key should have been given to you on a fob of some sort. I have to say that I'm paranoid about other people's keys and attach them to a cord which goes around a trouser belt loop with the key in my pocket.: particularly car keys which can cost £300 to buy and program. I'm glad that all turned out okay though.

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  23. If you have any beer mats left may I please have one? My address is: Steph Horner 23 Vermont Grove, Peterborough, PE36BN
    Ta Steph
    ps. He should have had a spare key for sure!

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Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.

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