Rape is horrible and the legacy of rape is traumatic and long-lasting. Rape is about the assertion of power and the brutal dismissal of victims' feelings.
May I say straight away that I have never been raped and I never raped anybody. When I was a young man I looked for love and sex was a facet of that search. I wanted women with whom I might find love and if we made it into a bed it was a mutual desire. I recognised that the woman I fancied was a human just like me. I wanted equality, a shared experience - not a power game in which I would be an oppressor. My outlook was not at all unusual. It is how the vast majority of young men view the business of dating and mating.
Once or twice I misread the signs. I thought that the kissing and canoodling was leading to a sexual encounter but when I realised that I was mistaken then I ceased my pursuit and apologised profusely. I never wanted a woman to do something that she did not want to do. Assent was vital.
Rape statistics can be problematic but it seems that in Great Britain 7.5% of adult women have suffered rape or attempted rape. In the USA the figure is surprisingly much higher with almost 20% of all women being the victims of rapists and that figure also includes attempted rape.
With rape, many victims never come forward to report the crime. After all, most rape happens with known perpetrators - boyfriends, family members or male friends. Reporting procedures themselves can be very traumatic and the legal system is famously male-biased. Reporting rapes will involve reliving the horror of it all.
In this country over the last few days, news of two particularly disgusting rapes has surfaced. It seems that three teenage assailants in Hampshire planned and executed the rape of two innocent girls in separate incidents. They were callous and cruel and they even videoed their attacks, laughing as they encouraged each other.
The judge in their trial focused almost entirely on rehabilitation. He did not wish to "criminalise" the three boys. They have spent very little time in detention and so of course their innocent victims feel cheated. The leniency shown at sentencing did little to help the two girls who were attacked, making them feel that the legal system had deprived them of the natural justice they richly deserved.
Even our Prime Minister, Sir Keir Starmer, weighed into the debate that followed sentencing - pressurising the courts to refer this case to formal judicial review. I have a feeling that the initial leniency will be replaced with significant custodial sentences which are of course wholly merited.
I have met and spoken with rape victims, most have never reported because they feel the system isn't set up to deal with sexual assault effectively. What we have, like my namesake said at the beginning of your post, is a generation of young men and boys who lack good male role models and get their sex education from pornography. What do we do? It's above my paygrade but I will challenge behaviour I see as misogynistic or hateful. Well done on tackling such an important and sensitive subject. 👏👏👏
ReplyDelete