Why did I need a shower radio? How much time do you spend under the shower? Have you not heard of water conservation? "I am so quick in the shower that there would be no time to listen to a radio" and "I could not hear a shower radio above the noise of my super-duper Australian shower".
These comments have hurt me so deeply that I seriously considered hanging up my blogging boots. However, instead, I have decided to simply clarify matters with a more detailed explanation of my shower radio usage.
Take today - just as an example. Downstairs, dressed in my silk ruby dressing gown, I consumed my chosen breakfast with a pint of tea, read a chapter of my current book and mooched around the internet for half an hour.
Then I mounted the stairs.
First thing I did was to grab my new portable radio and switch it on. Then it was hooked on to the bathroom window handle. Next I sat down on the porcelain throne to do what I have started to describe as a "donald". I think you will be able to guess what this means. All the time I am listening to the Naga Munchetty Show on Radio 5 Live. She is interviewing Amy Wallace who was Virginia Giuffre's ghost writer for "Nobody's Girl".
Off the throne, the horrible donald was flushed away and it was time to turn the shower on but before that I took some sharp scissors and clipped my sprouting nasal hair with the aid of the mirror on our bathroom cabinet door. Now the shower was running.
I am in there, quickly washing my hair and soaping my crevices. It does not take long and then I rinse the soap and the shampoo away before commencing another task - wet shaving. I always do this in the shower. Sensitive gel is applied to my ugly face and, helped by a circular shaving mirror, I carefully shave away my bristles with an old Gillette GII razor that I have been using for what - almost fifty years. (Of course the blades are replaced occasionally!)
By now the interview has finished and it's the Radio 5 Live News. Superhuman peacemaker Trump has stopped his unnecessary war with Iran yet again. Andy Burnham has been endorsed by pretty much every Labour MP to become Britain's next prime minister. We look forward to tomorrow's game with Argentina but how and why did Ann Widdecombe die?
I step out of the shower and dry my body. Hair first. I have never used a hair drier in my entire life. A bath towel does the job. I usually comb my hair before I have dried my toes. This morning I noticed that some nail clipping was necessary - especially as I am visiting an NHS podiatrist on Thursday afternoon.
Next on the menu it's tooth brushing. I rinse my mouth and close one of the bathroom windows then I take the shower radio into our bedroom - still listening.
Time to put on my fashionable Homer Simpson underpants before applying foot cream and underarm deodorant. Oh - and I remembered to spray "Forest Fresh" aftershave on my newly shaved visage.
The bed needs making and I fluff up the duvet and the pillows before getting dressed. You can imagine that all of this took eighteen minutes. Plenty of time to listen to the radio and absorb some interesting stuff. I switch off the radio before heading downstairs.
You spoiled my evening by mentioning hyenas.
ReplyDeleteI hate the little sons of bitches, whether they're strawberry spotted or striped.
A hyena got right into Gregory Peck's tent in The Snows of Kilimanjaro.
Some older woman in Glasgow who have been on the jake laugh like hyenas.
The Jake is Scottish slang for methylated spirits.
DeleteImbibers once mixed it with Jamaican ginger extract.
It's now a term for cheap fortified wine like Lanliq or Buckfast.
It's also used for persons who enjoy a glass or three of fortified wine.
* There's a jakey sleeping in my garden again, looks like Haggerty ! *
In my hard drinking days I used to enjoy movies about alcoholics.
Meryl Streep & Jack Nicholson in Ironweed. A novel by William Kennedy.
Susan Hayward in I'll Cry Tomorrow. The Lost Weekend with Ray Milland.
Bar Fly. Days of Wine & Roses. The Legend of the Holy Drinker.
Older ladies who drink heavily have a cackling laugh like hyenas on a kill.
Oh yes, we all like to think we are sensitive! Reminds me of the "you're all individuals" scene in "Life of Brian." Personally I am an insensitive brute and crave the sting of menthol in the morning. (cf napalm)
ReplyDeleteAs for clipping your nails before going to the podiatrist, that reminds me of my childhood when we were regularly exhorted to clean up (really just tidy up) for the cleaning lady. (When my mother went back to work after we had all started school she used part of her income to free her from these tasks. The cleaning lady came two mornings a week for 2-3 hours.)
You like to listen to the radio, me too, usually when I'm busy in the kitchen. I read while doing a "donald":)
ReplyDeleteMr B would agree with every line of the routine from radio on to radio off - except that he takes longer than anyone else on the planet to floss, inter-dental-brush, elec brush, and swill his teeth. Shower radio is one of his life essentials.
ReplyDeleteSo it isn't just shower time, it is bathroom/bedroom time, which makes more sense given the number of things you get done there.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read some of the comments on your post about the shower radio, I found it hard to believe that the length of your time spent in the shower was what so many of your readers seem to care about. Frankly, I only care about my own affairs when it comes to time in the bathroom - and if people applied just a little common sense, they should know that someone like you, who clearly loves nature, is well aware of water conservation, and that a shower radio does not mean it can only be listened to while the actual shower is in progress.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, at his place O.K. always listens to the radio while in the bathroom, which may take up to half an hour until he has done everything, including wiping the bathtub after use. At my place there is no radio in the bathroom.
Showers should be for pleasure as well as cleaning. They restore mental health. I spend a bit over five minutes in the shower. I suppose I could wash myself in one minute, but there is no rush, until the next drought.
ReplyDeleteThe local municipal water supply is drawn from the Potomac River less than a mile away, that river flows at over a million gallons a minute, about 100 miles south into the Chesapeake bay and into the Atlantic Ocean. That to say, there is no shortage of fresh water here, if we don't use the water, it flows into the ocean, what we use, is treated, filtered cleaner than it was when it came out of the river and returned to the river. So if I want to spend half an hour under a nice hot shower, I will. The world is not short of fresh water, the issue is population distribution.
ReplyDeleteI often bring my phone into the bathroom for music while I get ready!
ReplyDeleteThe "donald" gave me a good laugh this morning. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteSome people are self-righteous by nature. The are obnoxious and tiresome. They should all be sent to an island.
ReplyDelete"TMI" (lol)
ReplyDeleteWell, it's a bathroom radio then, Neil. Thank you for giving us the details of your morning bathroom routine. ;)
ReplyDeleteI never thought of these things when I'm in the shower. I'm on automatic pilot.
ReplyDeleteWhat a chap does in the privacy of his bathroom is his business. If you like the company of Nana Munchetty then that's fine. You be you. I'm not going to go into detail about my ear hair outgrowing my head hair for anyone.
ReplyDelete