13 January 2015

Prescription

Like many men, I am a daft bugger when it comes to healthcare. My nasty friend Gordon Gout has been gnawing at my feet for a month now but it was only this morning that I gave in and at last went to see our doctor at the local surgery. As well as arranging for a blood test and a foot X-ray, he prescribed a drug called Colchicine . It was a nice surprise when I stopped off at the local pharmacy to pick up my prescription and discovered I wouldn't have to pay the usual financial contribution because I am now over sixty. God bless the National Health Service!

There was an information leaflet with my little plastic jar of Colchicine pills. It was quite alarming to read a list of possible side effects:-
  • Lower the sperm count (Hell! I was hoping to repopulate the world after a nuclear wipeout)
  • Fever (Lovely!)
  • Sore throat (Nice!)
  • Rashes or ulcers in mouth and throat (Delightful!)
  • Skin colouration (But I am happy being a white man!)
  • Loss of hair (Charming! I don't want to be a monk!)
  • Inflammation of nerves (Already inflamed by Hull City's injury list)
  • Muscle weakness (Which muscle?)
  • Numbness - especially in hands and feet (My brain is already numb!)
  • No urine production (So where will it go? Don't want to fill up like a space hopper!)
  • Blood in urine and bruising (Where is this bruising likely to happen? Err..no, don't tell me!)
  • Kidney damage (That's okay - I've got two - I think)
  • Bone marrow may become depressed (Sod the bone marrow! After reading this ist of possible side effects, I am already depressed)
Blood test at 11am with the practice nurse then up to the dentist's for 11.45 to meet with Dentist Samantha. A filling came out when I was chewing a toffee on Boxing Day. Job done and now my mouth is numbed - unless that is the Colchicine kicking in! Next job is to go to The Royal Hallamshire Hospital for an X-Ray on my feet. This is my Personal Healthcare Day - all courtesy of our wonderful NHS. More sensible to worship than Allah or Jesus's Dad. At least the NHS is visible and working - in spite of David Cameron and the odious Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt whose name ought to be included in a dictionary of cockney rhyming slang!

20 comments:

  1. I was just thinking today that your (plodding) count was down since the start of the year.

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    1. Hopefully - if I can avoid the side effects - Colchicine will get me plodding again the very near future Carol.

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  2. My son, too, has been suffering since November. And he is much younger than you or me. Hope you get some relief soon.

    Do you have advertisements on the telly in the UK for meds? Here they do advertise but they must include all the possible adverse effects within the advertisement. So, sometimes those words have to be very fast but it seems they always end with the words, "......including death".

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    1. Yep, at which time you'll meet 'Jesus' Dad', whether you're ready or not......Just sayin'.......

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    2. Death? Thanks for cheering me up Mama Thyme. And Hilly - I think that Jesus's Dad will be playing golf on the day I rap desperately upon his pearly gates yelling "For God's sake - Let me in!"

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  3. The cure looks worse than the disease. Good luck.

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    1. It's been nice knowing you Adrian - albeit in this strange bloggy way.

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  4. It is a very old drug and I believe it has been pulled out of circulation in the States. It does work, but you might be plodding along to the bathroom unfortunately.

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    1. Plodding along to the bathroom? You mean that another side effect is that my facial hair will grow very rapidly? By the way when I was a child my GP was Doctor Baker! Thanks for dropping by.

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  5. That stuff gives you more problems than the gout itself by the sounds of it. Just cut your toe off! That should solve all problems! ;)

    Worshiping at the altar of NHS does seem more sensible to me, too. A Far less violent aftermath, unless, of course, you start pelting them with pills!

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    1. If it was just in the toe I would chop it off but Gordon has been in other places in both feet so any chopping would turn me into a wheelchair user. Thanks for your kind thoughts Lee!

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  6. You are so lucky to have the NHS. Here in the States you'd be paying an arm and a leg (ha!) for that long list of side effects! :)

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    1. Praise the NHS!...And praise Obamacare!

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  7. On the rare occasions that I have to take a prescription, I usually avoid reading the side effects. Not knowing them means I won't start "detecting" this or that symptom in me. Most of the time, though, I am fortunate enough to be in such fine fettle that I don't need to see a doctor (unless you count RJ who is a doctor of Theoretical Physics).
    Hopefully, that drug will do its job so that Gordon Gout finally decides to go and stay with someone else!

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    1. "fine fettle" is a helpful expression but not one that students of English would acquire in a German High School. How about a blogpost about the mysterious Doctor RJ? He seems to lurk in the shadows of your blog like a phantom. It is surely time to bring him into the light.

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    2. That will never happen. RJ is very protective of his privacy and would never allow me to use is real name on my blog, let alone show a picture! Same is true about my sister.
      And you are right - I did not learn "fine fettle" at school. There's a lot of things I did not learn at school, actually.

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  8. Hope it does the trick. I stay away from lists of side affects.

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    1. They are probably just covering their back re. legal actions.

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  9. I just gifted my cousin Ken, who also suffers from gout, 4 bottles of tart cherry tablets from Swansons. I don't believe there are side effects from taking them, and they were cheap enough he can take a lot. The alternative is to eat 20 tart cherries a day, but of course they have a short growing season and 20 cherries a day might also induce bathroom visits. I'll let you know how this works out for him, but I'm sorry to say that I think you still have to just totally stop consuming the foods that make gout act up.

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  10. If I had every side effect of the cancer drugs I'd be worse than dead. Fortunately the drugs don't seem to know that they have side effects so far as my body is concerned.

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