My itinerant blogging correspondent, Professor Adrian Ward of no fixed abode is currently snowed in in the wilds of eastern Scotland. But please do not worry about his welfare for he has plenty of emergency supplies on board Old Sheila - his trusty vintage camper van. For example, he has a case of "Teacher's" blended scotch whisky, several pouches of Old Virginia baccy and seventeen pot noodles (chicken flavour). His faithful "trained to kill" security dogs - Alf and Murderous Molly also have plenty of food in reserve including the carcass of a young stag which they hauled home before the snows came down.
As visitors to "Adrian's Images" will already be aware, Professor Adrian is like a travelling version of Magnus Pike - bursting with knowledge and enthusiasm about photography and new methods of image enhancement. Occasionally, he throws out tidbits of photographic advice to we mere mortals and just the other day he directed us to some software that even an idiot like me could play around with in spite of my prehensile knuckles.
Below there's an altered image drawn from a photo I snapped last Wednesday in Sheffield's Endcliffe Park. It is of the plinth of the obelisk that the city erected to commemorate Queen Victoria's jubilee in 1887. Knowing that Professor Adrian is a devoted royalist, I naturally dedicate this first picture to him:-
Afterwards, I lifted Professor Adrian's profile image and put it through the software wringer to produce the following almost hallucinogenic picture:-
I have already been approached by a couple of leading wallpaper manufacturers who are keen to use this design in a new mind-boggling range that will certainly enhance any home. To market the product they plan to plaster Professor Adrian's camper van with the exclusive new wall covering and confidently expect to sign him up to star in a sequence of teatime television commercials.
If you would like to order half a dozen pre-launch "L'Adrianesque"rolls please send me your delivery address and credit card details including pin number and security code. In the meantime I shall shout out a huge public "thank you" to Professor Adrian for directing me towards my first entrepreneurial million. What would the French call it I wonder?
Looking at that photo...i think i need a valium
ReplyDeleteI bet you get the same feeling when you look in a mirror JG!
DeleteLoks painful! :)
ReplyDeleteHang on...I thought you were once a teacher Jenny! It's "looks" not "loks" Miss!
DeleteThat photo reminds me of the one (and only) time I did acid as a teenager. I just wanted it to STOP! lol!
ReplyDeleteI tried acid too Jennifer and all I wanted to do was to get back to being me. Horrible stuff.
DeleteDo you think the new wallpaper collection will be out next spring? I plan on switching my bedroom and living room around then, and want to redecorate for that. Maybe pictures of my flat could become tasteful examples in the new "L'Adrianesque" catalogue.
ReplyDeleteYes I am sure that could be arranged Miss Arian. Our stylist Pierre La Bouchier will need to come round to dress your apartment before the photo-shoot.
DeleteI look uglier than usual.
ReplyDeleteMock humility Adrian. Though I am a rampant heterosexual, even I can see what a dashing ladies' man you are! A little rough round the edges it's true but ladies like that homely lived-in look.
DeleteSuch a good friend you are, Yorkie. Adrian is so lucky to have you. Once he;s dusted off the snow and is once again on the move, he'll be rushing to Sheffield to set up camp in your backyard. And then he'll be able to show you, hands-on how to use that new software correctly and expertly.
ReplyDeleteI'll take 30 rolls of the wallpaper, please....if you can spare that many, of course.
Okay. The order has been logged Lee. Now credit card number, PIN number and security number please. And do not worry, you can of course trust me implicitly with this secret information.
DeleteOf course, Yorkie. Here are the numbers you asked for:-
Delete86895340132458965345129850132559987654321023450....and....59734392827430484592999295869339876350871239757
Please don't share that with anyone else. Don't write it down...memorise it and immediately delete.
(Cunning chortle) Thank you Lee (Thinks: Ho-ho! I have duped her!)
DeleteUnfortunately you have only provided TWO numbers! I need your three digit security number too or your wallpaper order will be cancelled and your home will still look old-fashioned.
You already knew it! OOO!!!!...
DeleteYou could wrap Adrian's van with this stuff!
ReplyDeleteYes Red, inside and out!
DeleteWhat fun software. though Adrian may not be as amused as I am and he may well set Murderous Molly on to me. I'm not too worried, I'll bet she can't swim too far.
ReplyDeleteMs Soup
When Adrian has soup in his camper van he can often be heard slurping.
DeleteLOL! Hopefully Adrian enjoys this as much as the rest of us. The problem with being wallpaper is that you might wind up in the loo...
ReplyDeleteDid Confucius say that Steve?
DeleteI wouldn't like to wake up to that wallpaper. Even if I'd not had a drink for a week I'd have trouble convincing myself that I hadn't been over-indulgent the previous evening. And then when I got to the second picture..........
ReplyDelete