Given the frustrations and pressures of life in the western world, I realise that a number of bloggers are anxious to make the move to Blogland as soon as possible. I mean, who wouldn't want to escape from news of the depressing Syrian crisis, the battle for the Republican presidential nomination in America, the Cameron and Clegg double act, rising petrol prices, news of greedy bankers' undeserved bonuses, "Reality" TV programmes, chicken nuggets, pot holes in the road and inclement weather? However, my friends, patience must be your watchword.
All of the planned residences are now constructed. Just last week, a team of gardeners arrived from Myanmar, or Burma as I still prefer to call it, to beautify public areas with a vast array of flowering tropical plants from the exotic bougainvillea and hibiscus to the delicate golden shrimp plant, the ginger flower and the aromatic frangipani. Also you will be pleased to know that the Joshua Tetley brewery have delivered twenty five eighty litre barrels of their best bitter along with the required pumping mechanisms to channel their best Yorkshire nectar to the Caribbean cocktail bar that overlooks our sumptuous new swimming pool. I have personally hired a vicious ex-Army Alsatian guard dog called Titan who is now tethered to the barrels just in case any of the lowly paid Burmese gardeners develop a craving for Yorkshire beer.
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| Aung San Suu Kyi (Rhymes With Sushi) before our meeting near Rangoon |
So what's the hold up? Mainly it's to do with background legal matters and the official transfer of Lampi Island to the full ownership of Blogland plc. Recently, I flew out to Rangoon to hold discussions with opposition leader - the legendary Ms Aung San Suu Kyi. A Sloughhouse chicken was killed in my honour and later we consumed our gaeng gai bama on the bamboo terrace that overlooks her jungle garden. It turns out that she is also a Hull City supporter. I gave her a few welcome tips about ousting the current military regime before we signed our legal agreement. She said she'd love to visit Blogland some time - not just for a holiday but to meet "that hunky" R.Brague whose photograph she apparently came across while surfing the net. "He's a hot dude. Is Miss Ellie coming with him to live in Blogland?" I wasn't sure.
I understand that seamstresses will arrive on the island this coming week to measure up for curtains. Back at their mainland factory - Tropical Cabin Curtains Ltd - they have a wide array of fabrics in an infinite range of colours and patterns. They desperately need to know what kind of curtains you would prefer for your cabin or villa - to give it that personal touch. Please advise in the "Comments" section after this fascinating update. Thank you in anticipation.
Since our island will be covered with bright, beautiful flora and fauna, I would like my drapes in a very subdued color. Silk, of course. Perhaps the lightest butter yellow or softest peach. Thank you and thank the seamstress.
ReplyDeleteI thought a coyote got that chicken. Oh well, it was sacrificed for a good cause. Decor: no curtains. I need to see what my depraved neighbors are up to. Otherwise chicken-themed decor, of course, and lots and lots of house plants. No screens on the windows, I want the wildlife to be able to come inside, it's fun eating breakfast with sparrows darting across the table (like at Disneyland) and doves stealing tidbits off your plate (like in Oahu).
ReplyDeleteMOUNTAIN THYME Tropical Cabin Curtains Ltd just happen to have a lovely silky fabric that combines a gentle yellow with a delicate peachy pink. Imagine the curtains dancing in the tropical breeze as Bob Brague sits outside on a palm log in his tiger skin trunks playing his ukulele tunes specially for you!
ReplyDeleteJAN BLAWAT Without curtains, Bloggish men will be able to look directly into your villa - perhaps you like that idea - but just in case you change your mind I have ordered some simple cotton curtains with a barnyard chicken design. If you don't want them you may decide to pass them to your house servant.
My "curtains" are to consist of ceiling-to-floor mosquito netting to ward off malaria, covered in an opaque gold lamé, also ceiling-to-floor. What goes on in my part of Blogland will stay in my part of Blogland, safe from the prying eyes of neighbors like Jan Blawat, and whether the goings-on involve ukeleles and tiger skin trunks, and to what extent, must remain my little secret.
ReplyDeleteI prefer blinds YP
ReplyDeleteand could I have my own personal waiter who looks like Matt Cardle?
RHYMES WITH PLAGUE Okay sir - mosquito net curtains with a gold lame weave. Ms Aung San Suu Kyi was very keen to know whether or not Mrs Brague will be joining you. I think she had designs upon your rugged body and I'm not talking tattoos!
ReplyDeleteEARL GRAY Blinds? Okay. But what colour or design? Regarding a Matt Cardle lookalike servant, I am afraid the Burmese can't offer anyone like that but there is a chap who is the spitting image of Sir Alan Sugar so I have assigned him to you instead.
Powder blue curtains for us, please, YP. Oh and, never mind the beer, what about some superior vintage vin rouge please!
ReplyDeleteI'd like plantation shutters in white please.... and screens to keep out yukkie insects please.
ReplyDeleteJENNY Powder blue curtains it is ma'am and I've ordered several cases of "Languedoc" Rouge from Marks and Spencers as I know you're a class dame.
ReplyDeleteHELEN Who said anything about shutters? Curtains! The Tropical Cabin Curtain Company NOT Tropical Cabin Shutter Company! However, just to keep you happy I have asked Thiri and Arun to knock you up some fancy shutters. Unlike Australia, Blogland is not plagued by insects apart from bees and rare multi-coloured butterflies that flit gracefully from flower to flower.
I would like a soft relaxing shade of lichen green, but please may I have shutters to keep out the tropical heat and also the driving rain during the monsoon season? Thank you. I'd also like insect screens. One can have too much of a good thing, and I'm not keen on malarial mosquitos. I presume I will be able to acquire a lizard to eat the spiders that do come inside?
ReplyDeleteHoping also for a mango plantation - I have recently become rather keen on them.
KATHERINE You are a very demanding woman! However, we want all Blogland residents to be happy with their accommodation. Thiri and Arun will knock up some shutters after they've finished Helen's - sounds like you two will got on well together! A rough neck monitor lizard will share your villa with you as requested. He is called Muldoon after a past New Zealand prime minister. He likes to have his neck tickled.
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much YP. The monitor will be wonderful. But the name... sorry, Mr Muldoon was the reason I left New Zealand in my twenties, and didn't want go home again until he was out. Would he come to just 'Robbie' instead? I'm happy to tickle any necks that present themselves.
ReplyDeleteKATHERINE Robbie it is then though don't be surprised if at first he doesn't come when you call.
ReplyDelete