At nine o'clock, I jumped in Clint's South Korean cockpit and headed off to our nearest "Lidl" store. Ever since The Plague disrupted our lives, I have tended to do our main supermarket shopping late on when I can always get parked in one of my favourite spaces and there's hardly anybody else shopping.
Semi-skimmed milk, Cavendish bananas, fun-size apples, spreadable butter, carrots, a stalk of Brussels sprouts, a joint of "grass fed" roasting beef, Greek yoghurts, cosy winter socks for little girls, shower cream, smoked bacon, a bottle of Ukrainian white wine, Madagascar vanilla custard, sourdough crumpets, onions, horseradish sauce and chicken breasts...plus a few other items.
I plonked all of these things on the conveyor belt, plumped up my shopping bags in the trolley and the job was soon done. The young man at the checkout said, "That will be £71.54 please". Then your correspondent went to his pocket to pull out his wallet - but no wallet! What a dumbass! I had left it on the windowsill at home.
It was too late to drive back to our suburban mansion as the store would be closing in ten minutes. Patiently, the young man said that my trolley could be kept in the chiller in the store room and I could pick up my stuff on Sunday morning when "Lidl" reopened. He did not exclaim, "You are a dumbass!" but he may have been thinking that.
The "retrieve shopping" mission was successfully completed this morning and before too long Dumbass will begin preparing our Sunday dinner - that's if I can remember how to turn on the oven.
I freely admit that I have done plenty of "dumbass" things in the past, including once pouring diet cola on my fish and chips, thinking that I had just grabbed the vinegar bottle. As a small girl, Frances regularly reminded me of this act of blatant stupidity, saying, "You poured coke on your chips!" as though I had done something so unthinkable that it needed repeating over and over.
Have you ever been a "dumbass"? Perhaps you are perfect and have never done a "dumbass" thing in your entire life.
Dumbass? Are you kidding. I'm right up on the top in that area. I walk out and leave my paid for groceries on the conveyer belt.
ReplyDeleteThere should be a TV quiz show called "Dumbassery" for all we dumbasses.
DeleteI'd say the clerk went the extra mile keeping your groceries safe for you until you returned; not a lot of places, around here anyway, would do that!
ReplyDeleteI could write a book on my personal dumbassery!
You would probably forget to send that book to the publishers.
DeleteI've done far too many dumbass-ery things, my second try at marriage, getting almost all the way to the shops and realising my money and the list were at home, so having to turn around and make the trip twice, one really bad one was back in 1976, when I purchased magazines in a newsagency shop and began walking home, got almost a block away and suddenly remembered the baby in the pram! I'd left her in the shop.
ReplyDeleteChrist! You could have been arrested for that!
DeleteI've done that with a baby and once with a dog.
DeleteOne memorable moment of dumbassed/absentminded-ness happened to me when I was just getting to know Steve and madly in love. I meant to go to the corner shop not far from where I lived back then, and at the same time taking the contents of the kitchen bin out. You can guess what happened... I arrived at the shop with a full shopping bag in hand - only that it did not contain any shopping, but the rubbish from my kitchen bin.
ReplyDeleteAnd there was me thinking that you were darn near perfect!
DeleteMy whole life has been a succession of such moments.
ReplyDeleteApart from marrying Lord Peregrine of course.
DeleteThere's no limit to my dumbassery but I can't remember an example.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you were able to go back for your shopping
Such a dumbass you can't even come up with an example! Heavens!
DeleteI went to buy petrol for my car. When I wanted to pay, I realised that I'd left my credit card at home. A lady in the queue that was forming behind me offered to pay. Wow! Luckily, it was only $20. She smiled and said "Pay it forward".
ReplyDeleteDid you pay it forward Margaret?
DeleteThe last I can remember was a couple of years ago when I toasted some bread with the intention of spreading one slice with Vegemite and the other with peanut butter. I realised later that I had spread Vegemite on one slice, peanut butter on the other and then weirdly, spread peanut butter over the top of the toast already spread with Vegemite. Did I accidentally invent a wonderful new combination of spreads? No, I certainly did not. It was inedible.
ReplyDeleteSorry, butI feel sure you will have done more laughable dumbass things than that Andrew!
DeleteI've remembered a more recent one, just last weekend when staying at a hotel. I tried to us the fob for home on the reader to get to my floor instead of the hotel card.
DeletePlenty, but I prefer to forget them!
ReplyDeleteYou might prefer that but I would like to hear them. Not all of them of course because that would take forever but just a handful of choice dumbassed incidents.
DeleteI have told you and the www this one before. I once walked into Argos in Killarney and purchased a Digital camera and asked the cashier lady: " What film does it take?". I definitely qualify for the Dumbass trophy.
ReplyDeleteDumbass sounds like it should be the name of a small village in West Cork - possibly on the way to Durrus.
DeleteDid exactly as Meike did. Two black bags, one for rubbish the second for keeping. Guess which I threw away and couldn't go back. I try not to be dumbassed as a grand child will swoop on me and note my error ;) you wait it will happen to you!
ReplyDeleteSurely grandchildren also do dumbass things... sometimes. You can swoop on them!
DeleteI rented a car at Gatwick and drove into London in 1990, on the list of the stupidest things I have ever done in my life. That one will always be at the top of the list.
ReplyDeleteI am less of a dumbass these days because while I may leave my wallet at home or in the car, I never leave my phone which has my credit card loaded onto it. Fortunately technology allows most scanners to talk with my phone to get the necessary information and allow me to proceed with the checkout. I'm not sure I can count the number of times that has saved me a second trip without getting my toes where I can see them.
ReplyDeleteI think that human existence is pretty much living from one dumbass event to the next. And we have ALL gotten to the checkout to find that we have forgotten our wallets.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the grocery clerk was so helpful to you. I think my most dumbass thing was driving my minivan through a puddle that turned out to be too deep. The van stalled in the water, the water seeped in over my feet, while I tried to call for help on my cellphone. Luckily, two guys came and pushed me to dry ground. Unluckily, my minivan was totaled and I had to get a new car.
ReplyDeleteI have way too many dumbass moments in my life. We lost Miss Katie once. She had wandered off while we were working in the yard, couldn't find her anywhere. My ex and I probably each thought the other was keeping an eye on her. Our neighbor opened his garage to get his van and start driving around to look for her, she was in his van. Fortunately she doesn't do that anymore.
ReplyDeleteWhat an embarrassing thing to happen, but nice that you didn't have to trek round the store replacing every item.
ReplyDeleteI was going to my elder daughter's graduation and swigged what I thought was Pepto-Bismol - it was calamine lotion! I didn't see her graduate . . .
A couple of years ago I did something that could have got very embarrassing indeed - if anyone had noticed. I was shopping for clothes in a store which is on two floors, but you can only pay downstairs. I came down the escalator with some items neatly folded over my arm, fully intending to pay for them; but somehow on my way down my throughts strayed to other things, and instead of going to the checkout counter, I just went straight out the door. No alarms beeped, and no one reacted. I was several steps further away before I suddenly reacted myself... Turned around and went back in, my mind whirling with how to explain myself. However, no one as much as lifted an eyebrow when I went back in either, and I could just go to the counter and pay, no explanations needed. I still *felt* like a dumbass, though!! ;-)
ReplyDeleteI pushed a shopping cart around the parking lot looking for my car one time. I was getting pretty perturbed before it struck me that I'd driven the truck. Also once I was speed tidying (it's a little game I play with myself where I scoot through the house tidying quickly as I go.) I had a pair of earrings in one hand and some trash in the other. I stopped by the kitchen and headed for the bathroom where I keep my earrings only to look down and realize I had a handful of trash.
ReplyDeleteOur neighbor was in his 80s and had sailed off his roof, hurting himself quite badly. His wife bought him a hat that said, "Stupid". He said that every time he was tempted to do something, he always stopped and gave some consideration whether it was would wind up with him wearing his 'stupid' hat.
I often told him that I needed to borrow his hat.
I am perfect of course, so never do dumbass things. But I recall Greg once grabbing a sugar shaker in a fish and chip restaurant to put sugar in his coffee only to discover, being a fish and chip restaurant, that it contained salt!
ReplyDeleteNever. Perfection is my middle name! (This comment was created by AI.)
ReplyDeleteThank you, YP and all commenters - you've made me smile and that is not a common thing these days. I have had my share of dumbass situations, but I can only remember the ones that were dangerous, like using a fringed dish towel to take a pan from the oven, touching the oven burner with the fringe by accident, and setting the towel on fire. That's not just dumbass, it's downright stupid :)
ReplyDeleteHa! OK, it's great that the store was able to accommodate you and you got your groceries in the end. Bravo to them for flexibility. I'm sure I've done dumbass things but I can't think of an example at the moment.
ReplyDelete