At nine o'clock, I jumped in Clint's South Korean cockpit and headed off to our nearest "Lidl" store. Ever since The Plague disrupted our lives, I have tended to do our main supermarket shopping late on when I can always get parked in one of my favourite spaces and there's hardly anybody else shopping.
Semi-skimmed milk, Cavendish bananas, fun-size apples, spreadable butter, carrots, a stalk of Brussels sprouts, a joint of "grass fed" roasting beef, Greek yoghurts, cosy winter socks for little girls, shower cream, smoked bacon, a bottle of Ukrainian white wine, Madagascar vanilla custard, sourdough crumpets, onions, horseradish sauce and chicken breasts...plus a few other items.
I plonked all of these things on the conveyor belt, plumped up my shopping bags in the trolley and the job was soon done. The young man at the checkout said, "That will be £71.54 please". Then your correspondent went to his pocket to pull out his wallet - but no wallet! What a dumbass! I had left it on the windowsill at home.
It was too late to drive back to our suburban mansion as the store would be closing in ten minutes. Patiently, the young man said that my trolley could be kept in the chiller in the store room and I could pick up my stuff on Sunday morning when "Lidl" reopened. He did not exclaim, "You are a dumbass!" but he may have been thinking that.
The "retrieve shopping" mission was successfully completed this morning and before too long Dumbass will begin preparing our Sunday dinner - that's if I can remember how to turn on the oven.
I freely admit that I have done plenty of "dumbass" things in the past, including once pouring diet cola on my fish and chips, thinking that I had just grabbed the vinegar bottle. As a small girl, Frances regularly reminded me of this act of blatant stupidity, saying, "You poured coke on your chips!" as though I had done something so unthinkable that it needed repeating over and over.
Have you ever been a "dumbass"? Perhaps you are perfect and have never done a "dumbass" thing in your entire life.
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