Apparently, the main point of being an influencer is to boost sales of particular products or services. Many influencers have become stinking rich in this social-mediaed, smartphoned western world. They are courted by profit-hungry businesses, forging mutually beneficial relationships.
With all of this in mind, I have taken the decision to become an influencer myself. However, rather than taking the usual social media path, filled with persuasive hints and cunning imagery, I have decided that my style of influencing will be somewhat different.
As an influencer, I will be rather like a mafia godfather. Some will perhaps come to see me as an intimidator rather than an influencer.
I will employ gangs of thuggish young men who will appear at your door to promote the week's highlighted product or service. And if you say you are not buying you will be thrown to the floor in a judo-style move with your arm thrust up your back. Let me tell you, you'll soon change your mind and make the required purchase.
Here online and within the dark web, I may decide to uncover your most zealously guarded secrets and use that knowledge to drain your savings. And if you try to report me to the police, I will simply switch identities. Yorkshire Pudding will become Bakewell Pudding or Steak and Kidney Pudding or Chocolate Pudding. The alternatives are endless.
I must say, I am looking forward to starting my second and much more lucrative career as an influencer. In fact, I have already received a commission from "Bonkers" chocolate biscuits, sales of which are bound to shoot up like bamboo shoots in Mrs Moon's sub-tropical garden or the beanstalk that young Jack grew.
You have already had a long career as an influencer. a teacher is an influencer. You scared the crap out of many of those little guys so that they would learn or else. Didn't they bring a neck tie or something to you at Christmas? It's lucrative but not terribly so.
ReplyDeleteI have so far managed to ignore the influencers of the world and shall continue to do so. You won't get rich by sending thugs to my door!
ReplyDeleteOh! I've only last week bought a family-sized box of "Bonkers" chocolate biccies from the Tesco round the corner of our cottage in Ripon. Will that count towards your commission? (No need to send round your charming young men, I mean.)
ReplyDeleteWe buy our chocolate biscuits from supermarkets. Last time I bought anything on the door was two tea towels. Mocked ever since by family for buying from a rogue. Yes I knew it was a charity scam but even scammers need money;) Thank god you went for biscuits and not underwear!
ReplyDeleteNot sure how relevant or not, but I keep being amazed at how many people comment publicly on ad posts online... ;)
ReplyDeleteThat is a term I loathe.
ReplyDeleteI often hear it and think, "Influence yourself away from me."
When can we expect to hear that you have sold your home and are moving into 'high-end' accommodation?
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you can access this video but it reminded me of what you were writing about, and it's funny:)
ReplyDeletehttps://www.instagram.com/reels/DTSYRMUDxml/
And where is MY commission for your use of the fame of my bamboo?
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine lives next door to an influencer who works from her 'summer house' at the bottom of her garden. She gets so many freebies delivered to her house to promote, that the cardboard boxes left out for the dustmen don't get collected as there is far too much for one household.
ReplyDeleteI am my local binfluencer. My neighbours watch to see what bins I put out so they know to follow suite, as our collections alternate every week between paper/cardboard and glass/plastic. It's a responsibility I take seriously!!
Those 'influencers' ruined blogging by monetising it with sponsorship (thankfully most have moved on now to TikTok). At least your idea involves face to face encounters instead of hiding in a smartphone.
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