Billion

Multiply this million pound palette by a thousand

At first, if I happened to win a billion pounds or found a billion pounds in a very, very large suitcase I wouldn't know what to do with it. However, I have already decided that I would spend some of the money buying gifts for blogging friends and acquaintances - to thank them for their kind association.

Working down my sidebar bloglist here are the gifts I am thinking of...

For ADDY at "Alcoholic Daze" a Japanese motorbike, tight red leathers and a helmet so that she can whizz more easily through the London traffic to visit her 94 year old mother in hospital.

For Jan Blawat near Sacramento in California a new Winnebago Vista to travel to shows across America with her poultry and not have to pay for hotel rooms.

For Libby at "D-Scribes" a long weekend away with her "Mister" in New York City with carers recruited to look after her aged parents while she's away.

For Jenny at "Demob Happy Teacher" a tartan shopping trolley so that she  can visit local shops and not have to lug heavy bags back home.

For Graham at "Eagleton Notes" a carbon fibre fishing rod and a basket of fishing gear so that he can fish from the rocks and beach near his home on the Isle of Lewis. His catches will help to supplement his meagre pension.

For Kylie at "Eclectica" who does so much good for other people, a voucher for $5000 AUS to be spent exclusively on herself at Sydney's top department store - arguably Myers.

For Meike in Ludwigsburg a fashion shoot with one of Germany's top fashion photographers and access to any clothes sold in the Breuninger department store in Stuttgart.

For John Gray in Trelawnyd, Wales a hefty cheque to cover the cost of revamping his kitchen and to provide Winnie with a lifetime's supply of frilly bulldog knickers (pink).

For Helen in Brisbane a pair of air tickets to anywhere she and her long-suffering husband Tony wish to travel next.

For Red in Red Deer, Canada a brand new pair of bespoke ice skates with "Red" picked out in glittering red sequins on the side of each boot.

For Hilly in Washington State a brand new Ford Escape SUV to get up and down the track to her rural retreat in the woods.

For Lee on Tamborine Mountain, Queensland I shall buy her the cabin she lives in with her furry companions - making the pompous owner an offer he can't refuse.

For Derek on The Isle of Sheppey there will be a brand new bike with a wicker basket on the front for his little dog to ride in when they visit the nature reserve.

For Jenny the Procrastinating Donkey in eastern Canada a brand new electric sewing machine.

For my old chum Bob in Georgia whose surname rhymes with "plague" I shall cover the costs incurred by visiting tradesmen such as a plumber, electrician, roofer or painter over the next five years. Optometrist costs will also be covered plus car maintenance.

For Steve in West Hampstead I shall buy three pairs of which ever walking boots his heart desires and damn the cost. He covers quite a few miles on his photo journeys. Also a diamond studded collar for Olga.

For Ian in Greater Manchester  an expertly framed map of Yorkshire (by Michael Drayton 1622) to hang above his fireplace and treasure.

For Jennifer author of  "Sparrow Tree Journal" in South Carolina and her husband Gregg I shall buy a week's holiday on the island of Barbados with luxury kennel expenses covered for her two dogs back home.

For Susan in rural France I shall buy a classic Citroen 2CV so that she can potter about the Gallic countryside with Rick or Paul sitting in the back. The car will be resprayed which ever colour Susan prefers.

For Terry in Hinckley, I shall cover taxi costs for a month so that he can go where ever he wants. The taxi will of course be wheelchair friendly with an adjustable ramp.

For Pat near Bellerby, North Yorkshire I shall cover all removal costs to her new home in Leyburn - when that move eventually happens! Also a large cut glass vase containing white roses to greet her in her new home.

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And when all that spending is done, I shall start to think of other ways of disposing of my giant windfall. There'll be a million for Oxfam, a million for The Labour Party and a million to support Friends of the Earth in their battle against fracking in the English countryside. I shall phone our two grown up kids to tell them to pick which ever London homes they want from Right Move. Then I'll take Shirley out for fish and chips - over which we will begin to plan our round the world trip.