24 August 2006


This is where tumbleweed rolls quietly through a deserted street while an eerie wind wails in the distance. Yes folks it's joketime! And to begin with here are some jokes about women - don't worry for the sake of political correctness, jokes about men will follow....
Why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if all of them went it would be hell.
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer? None. It should be open by the time the little lady brings it.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something really clever? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me.."
How do you repair a woman's watch? You don't need to. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%.It's called a Wedding Cake.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.


Now here's the promised jokes about men...
One day God called Adam to him and said: "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?""The good news," replied Adam."Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain.""OK.." said Adam warily. "And what's the bad news?""I only gave you enough blood to operate one at time."
What do men and tights have in common? They're both apt to cling, run, and never fit properly between your legs.
Why is psychoanalysis so much quicker for men than for women? Men don't need to be regressed back to their childhood.
What do you call a man with only half a brain? Gifted.
Why does it take three million sperm to fertilize one single egg? Because they're too stupid to ask for directions.
Why is it so difficult for women to pick up men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They're all gay
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.

Although I have pasted in the above for mild amusement, I have to say that this man-woman divide is all utter bullshit in my view. We're people trying to get by, trying to be happy, trying to make it to next year. Some people talk about the other sex in a manner which is reminiscent of racist ignorance - "Men! They can't multitask!" - "Women! They're always changing their minds!". It's all bullshit and everybody is different. No two men are the same and no two women are the same. As I write this I'm on the phone, drinking coffee and stroking the cat and I'm not thinking about that one thing that men allegedly always have on their minds... well I wasn't until I wrote that!


  1. One of my favorite bits of humor along this ilk: I read somewhere that the heterosexual pornographic magazines aimed at women totally have it wrong. Really, they should show a man standing at the kitchen sink, washing the dishes, and saying "You're right, you're right, you're right," all day long.

    Bede assures me that this scenario goes both ways!

  2. UUUUUU it's a good thing you posted that about men too.. cause I would have been sooooo mad at you ....


  3. Found the lady gags quite amusing, but thought the man jokes were sexist rubbish. I might have to send a naked krip round to sort you out.

  4. What do you call a female lawyer?
    A lawyer, you misogynist.

  5. Why do women get married in white?
    They match the fridge/cooker/washing machine.

    And I am not ALWAYS naked - hrumph!

  6. god said to adam hey adam I'm going to make a woman, what do you think?

    what's a woman? said adam

    well, she'll be just the same as you, with all your abilities, tall and strong and clever and she'll make your life happy and complete

    and what's that going to cost me? asked adam

    an arm and a leg said god

    what do I get for a rib?

  7. this man-woman divide is all utter bullshit in my view

    I couldn't agree more! Well said!


Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.

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