knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101
is the worst thing in the world.' - From "1984" by George Orwell
"Room 101" is so much a part of British consciousness that we have even had a TV comedy show called "Room 101". This has now become a radio show hosted by Paul Merton. I was listening to an episode of it this very evening when the guest was another very clever funny man called Mark Steel.
The guest is asked to put five things into Room 101 - things that really annoy them or things they really do not like. Tonight Mark Steel's choices were tinned custard, unnecessary modern technology, old people who think that everything was better in the old days, people who don't get jokes and "my old angry self". Of course the guest has to present cases for each of their choices.
I was thinking - what might I choose to put into Room 101 - and came up with the following...
Jugs or teapots that do not pour properly. I mean, these everyday items have just one prime function - to pour. And yet so often they drip on the table or kitchen surface. This makes me growl every time it happens. Who designed them? They want shooting!
Boris Johnson. I have despised this puffed up Old Etonian since I first set eyes upon him on our television set. He is an inveterate liar and hypocrite who loves the sound of his own voice. As prime minister of this kingdom, he never did his homework - preferring to wing it just as he did during his education at Eton and Oxford. Worst of all, he tipped the balance with regard to the Brexit referendum. Without his input, we would still be in The European Union.
Variations in airport security. Of course we need airport security but why does it vary from airport to airport? Shouldn't it be exactly the same the whole world over? At some airports they make you take your shoes off - in others they don't. Some security teams frisk every passenger but others never frisk anybody. In some airports you have to take laptops out of your cabin bag while in others they insist that electronic equipment should remain in your bag. There are many other differences but I will leave it at that.
Ties (Neckties) I accept that women often have a raw deal and that historical sexism never truly went away but women were never expected to wear ties in their workplaces! The tie is a ridiculous accessory, requiring shirts to be buttoned right up to the top. Ties are often an unnecessary hazard when dining. If food drops onto a tie it is usually ruined for good as ties are not easily cleaned. Who ever imagined that ties look smart and business-like must have been completely bonkers! I say: "Ban the tie!" It's like having a noose around your neck.
Dentists - Just as we need airport security, we need dentists. Not many of us have teeth that never require treatment. Most of the dentists I have encountered have wild eyes and bad breath. They attempt to hold conversations when your mouth has been filled with their stuff - including saliva syphons and drills that threaten to invade your hippocampus . Maybe I am a wuss but I have always been afraid of dentists and that unavoidable intimacy whenever we visit them.
What would you choose to put into Room 101?
Hoovers and hair dryers Mr Blair.
ReplyDeleteDon't call me Mr Blair! I am not a warmonger Dave!
DeleteEric not Tony. George Orwell even.
DeleteCan they all be politicians like Trump and DeSantis? Or should I branch out to uncomfortable bras, aggressive drivers and health issues?
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion all bras should be burnt. Freedom! I would like to see Trump and DeSantis wearing bras on their heads.
DeleteI don't like the dentist, either. It's very invasive. I'm grateful for the work they do, though.
ReplyDeleteWhat would I put in room 101?
Will full ignorance
And four other things :)
Well? What are the four other things ma'am?
DeleteI wear a tie every day even Saturday.
ReplyDeleteSilk, narrow, lightly knotted. Blue or grey.
Never polka dots just a vague pattern.
With a cotton shirt, in winter a wool or denim shirt.
Dark tweed or corduroy jacket patched at the elbows.
The only other tie wearer I know is the brilliant novelist Ronald Frame.
It is of course a complete pose.
Your appearance sounds rather KIngsley Amis - rest his soul.
DeleteMore like *Graham Greene Flies Into Prague Airport* (YouTube).
DeleteAlways the old spy's raincoat with me never anoraks.
BBC TV had two urbane interviewers Kenneth Allsop (24 Hours)
& Michael Dean the New Zealander who did Late Night Line-up.
As a schoolboy I watched clever men in ties being interviewed:
Ted Hughes, Ronnie Scott, Sir Peter Medawar, Gunter Grass,
Irwin Shaw, Willy Brandt, Graham Sutherland, Benjamin Britten.
Of course they wore ties because it was the convention of the time,
the way you had to wear a tie to get served in El Vino's.
Those neckties must have imprinted my impressionable mind.
Watch Paul Goodman being interviewed by William Buckley YouTube.
Ronald Frame and I were the only men wearing ties in The Stravaigan.
A lady admired my tie clip.
My guess is the tie will return and the ghastly T-shirt on old men will vanish.
I am not wearing a tie during this broiling Scottish heatwave.
Just a light blue open neck shirt and white trousers..
*Gunter Gaus im Gesprach mit Golo Mann (1965).*
DeleteYouTube. English subtitles.
I miss Golo Mann and his generation as we both miss our parents
and grandparents.
How formally Herr Mann dressed even by German standards !
There is a book on the Chelsea Hotel, New York, and O Henry
wears the same kind of bulky three-piece suit.
keyboard warriors
ReplyDeletethose who harm children
those who are cruel to animals (and birds)
anchovies
people who say mean things about old people
All good but I love anchovies on pizzas!
DeleteI'm with you on the first one. Jugs that don't pour are a hassle. I haven't worn a tie since 2008. In my last 20 years of teaching I rarely wore a tie. I downsized this winter and gave away all ties except one.
ReplyDeleteIs it perchance a black one?
DeleteWomen were required to wear nylon stockings,that were impossible to keep from running, and ridiculously uncomfortable shoes.
ReplyDeleteHigh heeled shoes are daft. Shoes should be comfortable.
DeleteTupperware with no lids. Lids with no tupperware. Unmatched socks. Zealots. Unkind people.
ReplyDeleteHonest choices.
DeleteI never heard of Room 101 before, it might take me a while to think what I would put in there. No people, they're all going straight to hell.
ReplyDeleteWould you put Vegemite in?
DeleteYou will be happy to learn that, at least in Germany, hardly anyone in the business world wears ties anymore. Politicians still do (not all of them, though) when they make important appearances on TV or receive important visitors, but that's about it. Not even in my highly conservative work place (an insurance company) are ties to be seen - especially after we were coming back to the office after the pandemic years, a style of "business casual" has become the norm. We even wear trainers with skirts and dresses now, and nobody frowns upon that!
ReplyDeleteMy five things for Room 101 would definitely include leaf blowers. What's wrong with using brooms and rakes?
Also, people who appear to be unaware of there being others around them. I mean the type who stand at the top of stairs at the train station, or right in front of the door of train that has just arrived, letting nobody out but wanting to get in, or leave their shopping trolley in the middle of the aisle so that other customers have to slalom around it.
Generally all forms of inconsiderateness and impoliteness.
Good to hear that Germany is gradually ditching the tie.
DeleteAnd people who don't move... yes they are a pain in the neck. That can be very irritating in English pubs.
My contribution to Room 101 would be selfish, entitled, aggressive people followed by over complicated electrical appliances, hay fever allergens and baked beans.
ReplyDeleteBaked beans? Mmmm... lovely! But they have to be "Heinz".
DeleteAll of yours with the exception of dentists. Not that I like them, but they are doing the job they must.
ReplyDeleteAirport security is special bugbear. A bottle of water? Sometimes. Less than 100 mls of liquid in a zip lock plastic bag? Sometimes. Laptops on the belt separately? Sometimes, and does this apply to tablet devices? Belt on or off? Shoes on or off? Do tissues count as something to be removed from your pockets? Explosives check? Nail clippers? I've lost too many. It even varies at different security screenings at the same airport.
How many centuries have we had to design a good pouring spout? Yet we put up with worse than just a drip or two at times.
Ties are as useless as Johnston.
And my own? Today we bought a new cordless keyboard and mouse, about our sixth in twenty years. They were problematic in the early days but I always sorted them out after a play. You would think now you would just plug in the USB transmitter and away you go. No. One keyboard and mouse went back to the store and even the more expensive replacement was troublesome. I am about to buy a new phone and I am apprehensive.
Many things in past times seemed to last forever but not these days.
DeleteThing 45
ReplyDeleteRacists
People who think voting doesn't matter
People who drive while using their cell phones
Power Outages ... we just had one over the weekend and it annoys me.
All those extra remote controls
Sounds like your list could go on and on Bob!
DeleteOnly five things, hmmmm.
ReplyDelete-technology that baffles me
-bad drivers
-I would like to say stupid people but I fear that would include me at times:)
-lazy people
-planned obsolescence
Five seems too few doesn't it?
DeletePolitical parties would be my choice. I want to discuss things as a person and not what the others party tells them to believe.
ReplyDeleteInteresting. The way things have evolved we seem to need political parties but why?
DeleteTrump, Putin, Twitter, Software updates, Microsoft Teams,
ReplyDeleteSounds like the first line of a ballad.
DeleteAging. I want to throw aging in Room 101. And bras. Also Trump and anyone in the entire world who supports him. Bigots- toss them in. For #5- let's just say whatever is annoying the crap out of me at the moment.
ReplyDeleteMaybe #5 is having to come up with five pet hates!
DeleteI agree with Bob on "Thing 45". I would like to also add any ultra-right Christian conservative who wants to ban books and wants everyone to be "saved".
ReplyDeleteDo they man lifeboats at sea?
DeleteHaters, assholes, jerks, self-righteous bastards, liars.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to be describing The Grand Old Party Ellen.
DeleteI think ties are pretty much dead. None of the younger people wear them where I work. I haven't worn a tie in years.
ReplyDeleteI'd be tempted to throw Trump into Room 101, but I'm afraid if I start on people I wouldn't know where to stop! Still, he is an especially egregious case. Maybe Nigel Farage and Arron Banks, too.
In the last English secondary school where I worked for 22 years, male teachers were required to wear ties. It was the same in the international school in Bangkok.
DeleteYes, neckties. I used to have to wear one but it's now been decades but for a funeral or two. You'd need a big Room 101 for all the right-wingers, Q-anoners, other conspiracy nuts and, of course, Trump and his slavering devotees that I would send there. Religious extremists from Christian to Muslim and every knucklehead in between. Tennis fans who still think Roger Federer is better than Novak Djokovic (sp?). Lessee, one more. People who think the 2nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution allows anyone to stock as many lethal weapons as their house will hold. Is that enough?
ReplyDeleteYes that is enough Bruce! Never let it be said that you are a Grumpy Old Man... just like me!
DeleteBoris Johnson's initials say it perfectly. He's vile; we have these politicians in Canada too and Room 101 sounds perfect for my current provincial premier. Oh and I have at least one relative I'd put in that room, plus people who don't respect fire bans or deny climate change: you've probably heard about the wildfire & smoke situation in Canada. Sigh.
ReplyDelete