3 December 2025

Improvement

Lord knows how Ken and Doris's gravestone got to be the filthiest in that part of the churchyard but it was. It had become like something out of a horror film. And isn't it funny how I recently reviewed a book that was wholly concerned with fungi.

Ken and Doris have no surviving relatives apart from their niece Josephine who lives in Lower Hutt near Wellington in New Zealand. They never had any children of their own and perhaps that is why they were always delighted to see our kids when they were little.

Looking back, I am very proud of the support that I gave to Ken and Doris as they reached the ends of their lives. It was one of the best things that I ever did in my entire life. How they would have navigated those final years without me - and to some extent Shirley too -  remains a mystery I shudder to consider. We were there for them when they needed help.

That help included shopping for them, taking them for rides in the countryside that they loved with real passion, taking them to hospital, arranging their transfer to residential homes when the time was right, visiting them in hospital and in their rest homes, arranging their funerals, arranging the purchase and installation  of the gravestone, clearing their house ready for sale and keeping Josephine au fait with what was happening. 

Doris was a bright woman who was good with words and all her life she had written poetry. Not high brow, esoteric stuff - her poetry tended to be singsong verse but very well-crafted. In fact, the verse inscribed on the headstone was written by Doris herself.

And today I continued with my headstone cleaning mission. The trip to Broomhill went to plan and by one o'clock I was back in the graveyard with my canister of magic spray:

I followed the instructions which meant I had to leave the freshly sprayed tombstone for half an hour before wiping and rinsing it.  That time was spent studying other stones in that section of the churchyard. Each headstone has its own story or stories to tell. I saw the grave of a five year old child, a stillborn baby and a centenarian. Some gravestones were as elegant and simple as can be whereas others were wordy and surrounded by ornamentation - more like shrines than final resting places.

After today's work on Ken and Doris's stone, I was fairly happy with the outcome but as you can see from the picture at the top, it has hardly been returned to its original pristine condition. I am afraid that most of the staining that is left is imbued in the stone - not superficial dirt and fungal growth. I finished the job by putting sprigs of holly and ivy in the flower holder.

Probably, if I had cleaned the gravestone annually, it would now be in a much better state but hey, Doris and Ken were not blood relatives, they were just the nice old couple who lived in the corner house at the top of  our road...

Easter bonnets circa 1990

34 comments:

  1. What a difference that makes! Ken and Doris were lucky to have such kind and supportive neighbours in you and your wife. It's so difficult being elderly and alone.

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    1. And it was lovely to be able help such a nice elderly couple.

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  2. In spite of not being perfect, the headstone does look so much better now. I am pleased you put some Holly and Ivy in the flower holder, it's Christmassy. They look very happy in the final photo with their Easter Bonnets. I'm sure Jo appreciated all you did for her parents.

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    1. I might go back in the new year to perform a third cleaning.

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  3. Yo did what you could, so a star for your efforts. Kindness that can never be repaid is the best to give.

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    1. For my kids it was like "Adopt a Granny and Grandpa" as their three surviving grandparents lived some distance away.

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  4. It is sad when people can not manage their lives by themselves anymore. Doris and Ken were lucky to have good neighbours and friends in the Pudding family. Were no social services or volunteer organisations involved? I know they can not replace true friendship, but they can do a great deal to free up time for other things (such as your trips to the countryside).
    Sometimes I walk on the cemeteries here in Ludwigsburg, and like you, I think of the stories behind each tombstone. Not long ago, a tombstone for a 15-year-old boy I had never noticed before touched me especially. I googled his name and found that he had been very active in sports. The stone didn't hint at how he died, but whatever the cause, it must have been (and still is) a terrible blow to his family and friends.

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    1. We know that we will die when we are old. We don't expect to die at fifteen. The social services helped when it was time for first Ken and then Doris to enter residential care.

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  5. We need more people like you, Neil. I strive to be a better person. Thank you. X

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    1. I am no saint. I just did what felt right.

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  6. You did a kind act and that is the main thing.

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    1. I believe in kindness - not in theory but in practice.

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  7. They seem to have been a lovely couple and I'm sure they would appreciate your spruce up for them.

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    1. I would do the same for you and Lord Peregrine if I lived on the IOM.

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  8. That's a great improvement and well worth all the elbow grease!

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    1. The very first picture I took - on Tuesday - was pretty shocking.

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  9. Doris and Ken were lucky to have you in their lives. I went back to the tombstone and read the inscription that you mentioned was written by Doris. How poignant.

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    1. There was a simplicity about their lives and their outlook that I admired.

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  10. I'd say you've already done a lot for Doris and Ken! It sounds like you made a real difference in their lives, which is the most important thing.

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    1. Looking back, I know that you are right but at the time I never thought of it that way.

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  11. Very nicely done, sir!

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  12. And I would imagine that that lovely, smiling couple added some joy to your life, too.

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    1. That's true. It was not all giving out.

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  13. Replies
    1. It is the first gravestone I have ever cleaned.

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  14. It looks better and you can read it now. You helped them when they were alive and that was a wonderful thing to do.

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  15. I am gobsmacked to learn that there is such a thing as headstone cleaner. Who knew?
    I'm sure they deeply appreciated all the help you and Shirley gave them. You did good.

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    1. Until Tuesday of this week I had also never heard of headstone cleaner.

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  16. Well, that headstone cleaner seems to have been helpful anyway. But your help to them towards the end of their lives no doubt even more valueable!

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    1. I would rather help the living than the dead.

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  17. I think I'm coming to realize that, deep down, you are actually a good, kind, and sensitive soul. Don't worry, I won't tell anybody...

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  18. I was sure I'd commented on this, remember saying about those online videos of gravestone cleaners. Maybe I forgot to press publish?

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Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.

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