I am sure you have heard of "Old Spice" for men. The range includes aftershave, shaving cream, soap and deodorant. They are products that go way back in time and are mostly favoured by the older generation
Old men like me, Andrew in Melbourne, Red in Alberta and Cro Magnon in Brighton really do not want body products that are aimed at the younger generation. We actively spurn "Lynx" and Jean-Paul Gautier. What we need is sprays and roll-ons that are specifically tailored for the senior male market.
This is why I decided to invest all my pension lump sum in a new start up business that aims to fill this potentially profitable gap in the market. Rather than getting cunning and creative with fancy brand names, the company intend to call all of their products quite simply - "Old Man". There's no deception in such a name.
Parisian perfumers have skilfully concocted four possible deodorant fragrances for the "Old Man" deodorant range and I suspect that they will prove really popular with the over sixties. It's nice to have choices...
1) "Granddad" - Pipe tobacco, halitosis and "Dettol"
2) "Care Home" - Stale urine, armpits and smelly socks
3) "Salle de Bain" - Lingering farts mingling with medicated soap.
4) "Rose and Crown" - the authentic odour of a traditional pub with
hints of stale beer, cigarette smoke and sports changing rooms.
If the "Old Man" range sells well - as it is surely bound to do - then the company hope to create similar products for the fairer sex called "Old Woman" but as yet no fragrances have been devised. Perhaps you can think of some suitable combinations.
Hmmm.... "care home" might work well as a unisex scent.
ReplyDelete"Arkansas Farm" would appeal to a lot of older women.
DeleteYour suggested fragrances are just plain awful! Why would anyone want to smell like that on purpose? You'd do better to sink some investment cash into Old Spice!
ReplyDelete"Adelaide River" would smell nice on ladies.
Delete"Snug", a perfume that smelt like a pub snug where ladies would gather and the smell of beer blended with Craven A cork tipped cigarettes and cheap perfume. The bottle could be bright red to match their lipstick.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant Andrew! When the start-up guys get to hear about your suggestion you will probably be invited to join the marketing team as a consultant.
DeleteWell, maybe old men should use more of these products but I'm afraid this will be a hard sell. Sorry to rain on your party.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we need some Canadian variations such as "Aroma de Moose" and "Trudeau's Surprise".
DeleteThe problem with your deodorant fragrances is that your target demographic can easily and naturally produce all those smells themselves without any need to buy your products. Back to the drawing board!
ReplyDeleteHa-ha! You make a telling point Debra. Maybe what old men really need is "Pine Forest" and "French Brothel".
DeleteFor women: fragrance of moth balls, yeast and a bit of pee.
ReplyDeleteMmmm...sexy! Do you mind if we call it "IlonaK"?
DeleteI would choose a scent with coumarin in. The scent of hay in the summer that has been cut with wild flowers. A sweet vanilla flavour.
ReplyDeleteYou are so sweetly romantic Thelma.
DeleteIf what you‘re aiming at is autheticity in the range of scents for your target group, that authenticity should be mirrored in the packaging and marketing material. That elderly gentleman in your advert doesn‘t look like any of the 60+ men I know.
ReplyDeleteYou are clearly not looking in the right places. He is called Alan Ince or Andrew Ingleton or Arthur Ireland or perhaps Ali Ibrahim.
Delete'Ladies wot lunch' with an aroma of Merlot and apple crumble.
ReplyDeleteThey should wear bibs.
DeleteI seems to me that I've seen that guy before. Too stereotype, I wouldn't trust him... ;)
ReplyDelete