3 March 2016

Aliens

There are aliens amongst us. Not refugees and economic migrants from faraway places but real aliens, space aliens. You see them everywhere. They have merged almost seamlessly into our society. They come from the Planet Momby and are known as Mombies, a name that is in fact a compound noun, combining "mobile phone" with "zombie".

The behaviour of these Mombies is both fascinating and frightening. They are continuously in touch with their home planet as they walk around our city streets. Sometimes you see them chortling to themselves in the manner of nineteenth century lunatics. At other times, with earphones in, you may be aware of them trying to communicate with Invasion Control back on Momby:-

"Yeah. So I sez to him what ya going on about an...yeah...right. Shaddap! No way! Cool man... Yeah.  Did ye see it on Snapchat? ...Yeah. Wicked..." etc. etc..

They are oblivious to the world around them - to other pedestrians, to traffic dangers, to potential muggers and to the fascinating sights and sounds of the city. It is as if they are drugged and the only thing that matters in the whole world is what's happening on their little mobile screens. Many's the time I have had to dodge them. Otherwise we'd be colliding and you don't know what you might catch through physical contact with a Mombie!

30 comments:

  1. Did you see the story recently about Salisbury Cathedral having to move a sculpture because mombies kept walking into it? Serve them bloody well right and I would have left it where it was.

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    1. Yes I saw that Ian. Personally, I think they should have replaced the sculpture with a bear trap.

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  2. Little chance of my being one as I can rarely find my phone.

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    1. Can't find your phone? That makes you a Numpty, not a Mombie Adrian.

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  3. constantly plagued by a boss who thinks I should have my phone welded into my hand ...i just turn it off when im sick of listening...ho hum

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    1. Send me you boss's number and I will plague him with calls about PPI's and accident claims. Beforehand I will have to improve my Indian accent as it sounds Welsh at the moment.

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  4. It drives me mad - they are everywhere aren't they?

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    1. Rumour has it that their craft first touched down in Bellerby churchyard. It was like a giant bumper car with flashing lights. Did you see it?

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  5. Shit im married to a mombie

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    1. Please don't address me as "Shit" John.

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  6. Here, college campuses have been almost completely taken over by Mombies. It's getting so that senior citizen homes are the only safe places left.

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    1. If there were an election between Real Life and Phone Life, I'd be rooting for Real Life. We gotta fight back against The Mombie Invasion Jo(e).

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  7. I do not have a mobile phone; I have no intention of getting a mobile phone; I have no need of a mobile phone; I will never be a Mombie. I'm quite content to remain being a Zombie...Zero Mobile.

    I have my landline; and that's enough for me. Seeing people out and about walking and talking on their phones grates on me. Why do people have the need to be on their bloody phones all the time? I hate the phone, and use mine mainly as a necessity when necessity arises. And many times when or if it rings I don't answer it...my choice.

    If I have few people I want to talk with on my home phone, why would I want to walk around the supermarket aisles talking on a mobile phone! I guess I could...be pretentious making out I'm all important and nothing can be put off until a later time or date!

    I might take one of my remote controls out with me next time and pretend I've become a Mombie!! :)

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    1. You must be the only Australian without a mobile phone and I must be the only Englishman. This is something that I am proud to have in common with you Lee.

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    2. Me, too, Yorkie!

      We're the last of the Mohicans...let's stand together, two by two, strong and tall! :)

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  8. Yes, I run into these aliens every day. Are many of them getting killed , injured or lost?

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    1. Some have certainly been killed and not only the Mombies who drive cars.

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    2. Don't suppose they'd get lost, would they, as they all have GPS?

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    3. Goon Pillock Syndrome?

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  9. I have a mobile phone. Since I live rural, I take it with me in case of emergencies. I also have a land line. If it rings, we all freeze momentarily, then continue on with life. No one cares to answer it. I detest this obsession with phones. In my Quilt group, I sit, ready to chat & catch up on everyone's life....but they are attached like IV's to their phones. AND THEN THEY WERE ALL KILLED BUT DON'T WORRY, I MADE IT OUT ALIVE, says I. And....no response. But, then, I've always been invisible, sigh. DO YOU HEAR ME?

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    1. What's that? Did somebody say something?... Oh, it's you Mistress Hilly! I find it sad that instead of chewing the fat while you sew quilts, they are showing more interest in the world beyond the room. How much better to shut it out for an hour or two and live in the moment.

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  10. My mobile is safely tucked in my handbag when I am on the train, or walking, and in a pocket of my zip-up when I'm out running. So far, it has not been necessary to use it for an emergency call, but I have used it occasionally when meeting up with my sister after work and we both didn't know how long it would take us to get there, thanks to the unpredictability of our local trains.
    I only ever look at incoming messages (or type my own) when I am waiting on the platform or so, never while walking. I don't see why I should dodge the Mombies - let them run into me and into things, maybe that will re-instill a sense of their surroundings into them.

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    1. PS: And I think it is VERY impolite to fiddle with one's mobile while at a restaurant with others.

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    2. You are a civilised and sensible mobile phone owner Meike. Perhaps you should teach an evening class - "Mobile phone etiquette".

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  11. I'm a numpty too.
    I bought myself a smart phone over a year ago when my old (very old) mobile packed up. I wasn't going to bother as I rarely used it, but just very occasionally I might phone hubs to ask which wine to bring home, when I'm in the supermarket. You know, really important things like that.
    I've made one call on this new phone (yes, in a whole year), and it currently resides, I think, on the table where I do my hobbies. At least I think that's where it is..
    I fell about laughing at Hilltophomesteaders comment - wonderful - and the reaction is so true ! Mind you, you should have sent them all a text message - that's the way to get noticed!!

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    1. The table where you do your hobbies? Do these include massage and pole dancing or just origami and adult colouring books?

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  12. It seems I am usually walking behind them on the sidewalk, trying to pass as they amble along without a care in the world, mesmerized by their communication devices.

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    1. I understand that there are one or two world cities that have lanes on the pavement (sidewalk) specially for these Mombies - a bit like cycle lanes.

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  13. Both my children and my spouse are addicted to their phones....as I am to my ipad. The one rule in this house is that at mealtime, thou shall not text!!

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    1. In my last few years of teaching, mobile phones were becoming more than a flaming nuisance in classrooms and corridors. You even had kids phoning up their parents to say things like "the teacher shouted at me!" and then we had angry parents arriving at the school reception. Crazy! I bet it's even worse now.

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Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.