21 September 2017

Brexit

Last week the odious Boris Johnson, who has a rapacious desire to become Britain's next prime minister, was accused of back seat driving. He was, commentators said,  attempting to call the shots on our nation's journey out of the European Union. Later, his noble leader, the current prime minister - Theresa May - protested that on the journey to Brexit she would be driving from the front. There would be no back seat driving on the road to Brexit.

I thought to myself, where is this place called Brexit and what is it like there?  So I did some research...

Brexit lies between the shire villages of Narnia and Neverland. In the centre of Brexit, upon the village green, there is a maypole bedecked with blue, red and white ribbons. It's just across from "The Farage Arms" from which communal singing emerges on weekend evenings -  for example "We'll Meet Again", "Down at The Old Bull and Bush", "Jerusalem" and "Yesterday" by The Beatles.

In the quaint village shop, run by jolly Mrs Goggins, village children can buy traditional confectionery. They come running in after school, with their rosy cheeks and knee socks, slapping their sixpences and shillings on the counter before running out with liquorice,  sherbet dips and gobstoppers.

Most of the houses in Brexit are thatched with hollyhocks and old-fashioned roses growing in cottage gardens. The palatial Elizabethan manor house on the edge of the village is occupied by tousle-haired Squire Johnson and his progeny. He often screeches up to the shop in his muddy Land Rover to buy "The Daily Telegraph" and twenty Woodbines, heartily greeting fellow villagers who he privately refers to as his "serfs".or "loyal subjects".

In Brexit, people go to the village church every Sunday - St Theresa's with its  ancient Norman tower. There is still a youth club and a village hall. The annual Brexit Flower Show is always well-attended and most years The David Cameron Memorial Trophy for the biggest vegetable is won by either Farmer Gove or Mr Fox. Their beaming smiles are as legendary as their bitter rivalry and their giant courgettes.

All is sweet in Brexit. It's a place which seems to have been by-passed by the troubles of the world. Gentlemen still doff their caps and ladies curtsy. Children skip or play marbles in the playground. The village is twinned with Braunau am Inn in Austria and has featured in several TV period dramas including "Vanity Fair". Yes. Somewhere over the rainbow, the living is good in Brexit. We'll get there one day. Yes I want you to know today, that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land.

25 comments:

  1. Brexit sounds like the Australia the Liberal party are going to deliver to us someday.

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    1. Some day...somehow...somewhere!

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  2. That is terribly clever and the St Theresa reference was inspired. It would be a good laugh if it wasn't really all ever so serious. PS I don't want to see or be faced by Farmer Gove's or Mr Fox's ever so large courgettes.

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    1. It is serious Andrew but the oafs who are driving us to Brexit really have no clear idea about the route or what we will see when the journey ends.

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  3. Prior to joining the Common Market and becoming sub-serviant to countries that we had defeated in war, Britain was a proud country that had a proper military might, proper border controls and weren't throttled by ridiculous human rights dreamed up by idiots in Europe. Sooner we achieve Brexit the better.

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    1. ...Whatever Brexit might be. We can all imagine our own Brexits. Brexit-on-the-Marsh, Brexit-on-the-Wold, Brexit-by-the-Sea, Hutton Brexit, St.Brexit, Brexit-on-Thames etcetera.

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    2. But the world, and even the UK - to a certain extent, has moved on. You can't turn the clock back 40 years.

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    3. I am hoping that our divorce from the EU will take us forward twenty years. This is an amusing post but is pure fantasy. The realists can see that a Federal State of Europe controlled by Germany will be a disaster.
      I suspect your dislike of Farage and Boris is to be expected from someone who voted for that cretin Jared O'Mara.

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    4. It is most offensive to refer to Jared O'Mara as a "cretin". He suffers from cerebral palsy - not a condition he ever sought but one he has battled with manfully through the three and a half decades of his young life.

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    5. He stood for election, speaks crap and is thus open to ridicule. I presume you wouldn't advocate allowing blind one armed pilots to fly, brain surgeons with Parkinsons or epilepsy to operate. Maybe you would. It's a rough world in the private sector. The sector that pays for the public sector.
      I must admit to liking the Sir Raymond Davies song. The village Green preservation Society. Kate Rusby did a better version. I like being English and it's quaint nostalgia.
      The only good to come from your cross was getting rid of Clegg. Not sure the replacement is fit for purpose or any purpose he's a misogynistic plonker but what the hell he's a leaver.

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    6. I find your attitude to Mr O'Mara both cruel and unpleasant.

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  4. Isn't Brexit just along the road from Cloud Cuckoo land too?

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    1. Cloud Cuckoo Land? A lovely place to spend a summer's day, watching the cuckoos in the clouds.

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  5. The scary thing is, I think a sizable portion of the population thinks we really WILL go back to a mythical Brexitland like the one you've described.

    Boris wrote that piece because he knows May won't be able to strike a Brexit deal that lives up to the unrealistic expectations he describes. (No payments to Europe, £350 bn a week back to the NHS, etc.) He can then point to her "failures," distance himself from the whole shebang ("This is not the Brexit I championed!") and run for higher office with a clean slate.

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    1. You have seen right through Johnson's trickery. It's as clear as day. I don't want Britain's leader to be a turnip with a mophead of straw hair. I'd rather have Olga as our leader.

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  6. I'm so glad to learn that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land. And when we do, Im sure we all will be known for our large courgettes.

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    1. As D.J.Trump might say, "America has the biggest goddam zucchini on this planet and we're gonna drop them on The Rocket Man! Take that Bozo!"

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  7. What describe is what the clowns are thinking they can get to. What fools! Reality has left the station.

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    1. Reality has not just left the station, it has come of the tracks and tumbled into the river.

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  8. No wonder people voted "Yes" if it is as described. I guess if Labor was for Brexit, all would be well in the world! :)

    Actually, at the moment, I'm for a late breakfast...I've been busy feeding (plumping up) the farmyard animals while my landlords are away playing in the UK.

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    1. If I bump into your landlord and landlady in this neck of the woods, I will lecture them about landlord/tenant relationships. By the way though I have always been a Labour supporter I am not a sheep Lee. I think for myself and I know for sure that the British people have been led up the garden path with regard to going it alone. So many untruths.

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    3. I never inferred you were a sheep, Yorkie. Who you vote for is your own business, and your own right to do so. Same applies to me. I've always been a Conservative voter; I always will be, and I, too, am not a sheep; and I, too, think for myself. I'm not always right, this I know, but then who ever is? But I do sit, or stand, on the right side of the fence. :)

      I don't like to get too political in blogs, if at all...that's just me. We could argue back and forth forever and a day, remaining in the same position, having not moved anywhere, and achieving nothing. Time wasted, I reckon.

      I hear, see and read enough about politics out here in the "real" world...getting more than my fill, to the stage I'm bored and fed-up with all the B/S. I enjoy the escape blogging has to offer.

      I'm a simple soul.

      I would dare to presume there are untruths emanating from both sides of the fence...from all sides. Nothing changes...it's always been that way. It's similar the world over.

      It is great you are sure the British people have been led up the garden path...I'm sure you're not the only one who believes that to be so.

      It's really not my place to comment, one way or the other...so I will bow out now...and leave well enough alone.

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  9. I imagine that there is also a steam train at the station and the train is always on time...that there is a clean hospital with a doctor in a white coat smiling at a matron in a blue uniform and no one is ever cross or unhappy or hungry ......

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    1. I forgot to include this information in my description of sunny Brexit.

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