Last night, through the magic of television, I watched the Irish comedian Arlon O'Hanlon performing on the "Apollo" stage in Hammersmith, London. He came up with the idea of making a kind of anti-bucket list. Things that he would definitely not want to do and this has inspired me to do the same.
Things I never want to do...
- Swim with dolphins.
- Go on a rocket into outer space.
- Have any kind of tattoo.
- Spend a week submerged aboard a submarine.
- Take a bungee jump from a bridge.
- Visit Dubai - apart from the airport.
- Get trapped in a lift with Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage
- Do O level Maths again.
- Smoke another cigarette.
- Die in a transport accident.
- Feature in any kind of reality TV programme.
- Have any kind of cosmetic surgery.
- Pay for a SKY TV subscription.
- Read anything by Jeffrey Archer.
- Vote for The Conservative Party.
- Attend a horse racing event.
- Perform a striptease act at a Women's Institute conference.
- Get mugged.
- Have a drink with Elon Musk at Mar-a-Lago... or anywhere else.
- Shoot a gun.
- Visit the USA while Trump is the president.
- Drive a monster truck.
- Wear a kilt.
- Try skydiving.
- Eat sheep's eyeballs.
- Become a monk.
- Attempt to climb Mount Everest.
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So that's my anti-bucket list but in the comments I invite you to share two or three things that you would definitely put on your own anti-bucket list.
Nelson Algren said never go to bed with a lady who's got more problems
ReplyDeletethan you have and never play poker with a guy named Doc.
He had a fling with Simone de Beauvoir but refused to live in Paris.
Simone : Of course I'm a better writer than Nelson !
Nelson : Of course I'm a better writer than Simone !
Norman Mailer met Algren in Chicago and said he really knew all the bums and
losers and hucksters and cops in his novels.
NELSON ALGREN : THE ROAD IS NOTHING, THE END IS ALL.
NELSON ALGREN LIVE - OFFICIAL TRAILER STARRING WILLEM DAFOE.
ALGREN'S LAST NIGHT. BulltetProof Film. YouTube.
YouTube
Okay, okay Mr Haggerty but what would be on your anti-bucket list? A night in a Travelodge with Nicola Sturgeon? A wild swim across Loch Ness with Nessie surfacing like a walrus? Reading all of the romantic novels of Barbara Cartland? A day trip to Cumbernauld?
DeleteI agree with everything on your list! I don't want to date or get married ever again.
ReplyDeleteLove can come when you least expect it Ellen.
DeleteI definitely wouldn't want to be trapped in a lift.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to see any animal suffer.
I don't want to watch climate change in real time.
But you are already seeing climate change in real time Kylie!
DeleteI've actually done a few of the things on your list with no regrets.
ReplyDeleteAny kind of bungee jumping would definitely be on mine.
You mean... you've had a drink with Elon Musk at Mar-a-Lago?
DeleteThat's a good list. What do the letters mean when paired with levels?, like A Level Maths or O level, ditto other subjects.
ReplyDeleteMy bucket list is very short: not die before the great grands are grown, (the youngest is not quite three months old and her cousin is still "baking")
My Anti-Bucket list is also very short: never go to the US.
O = Ordinary level (Exams usually undertaken at 15/16 years of age.
DeleteA = Advanced level (Exams usually sat at 17/18 years of age)
Pay to access any site on the internet (though obviously I have to pay for my internet access generally).
ReplyDeleteI think you could look quite fetching in a kilt, though maybe you would want some woollen tights to guard against chills, and hence (unlike any true Scotsman, or so I hear) underpants.
Which makes me wonder. Do you think King Charles is a true Scotsman? I can never forget that he got his valet to hold the specimen bottle when he was producing a urine sample.
I don't know what investigations were being done to the valet but I would expect him to hold his own specimen bottle. Did he really expect a king in waiting to hold it for him?
Delete'Share a lift with Corbyn or Foot', and obviously 'To Vote Labour'. Otherwise I agree with most of yours, other than having Dolphins swimming with me.
ReplyDeleteMichael Foot, great servant to the working people of Britain, died in 2010 so it is unlikely he would pick you up in his hearse.
DeleteThings I never want to do
ReplyDeleteDrink a cup of tea. Yuk.
Jury service.
Visit an abbatoir.
Deal with Scottish power.
Go anywhere crowded with people.
Admit to myself that some things I did want to do are now impossible and I missed my chance.
Congratulations to Ian. I saw him on the front of a London paper. 😁
NOT drink a cup of tea? Oh dear Christina - are you right in the head lass?
Delete