Banned

Captain Brett's right arm

From time to time, you see yachts drifting about the Andaman Sea. Sometimes I go to The Headland and wave my Hull City first team shirt above my head hoping to attract attention. Perhaps it will be Katherine, Mick, Libby or some other blogger who has finally made it to our brave new world. Invariably, the sailboats just drift past and I trudge back miserably to my idyllic but lonely new lifestyle.

I caught some of  "Match of the Day" on my computer this morning and apart from the football, one thing I noticed was the growing number of players whose arms are now adorned with tattoos. What  the hell do these unthinking sheep think they're doing graffitiing their bodies indelibly like this? How will the tattoos look when their grandchildren visit them in their old people's rest homes? And what is it about these horrible, ugly markings that they like?

Co-incidentally, later in the morning, a luxury yacht anchored at our wharf. Monty Python's "Lumberjack Song" was blasting out of the boat's sound system. I went over to see what was happening. It was a bunch of arrogant, wealthy Canadians guzzling "Molson" beer. They thought they were still in Burmese waters and could pull up anchor where ever they like. The "skipper" hopped on to one of the wooden walkways and introduced himself as "Brett". I noticed that one of his arms was covered with ugly tattoos (see photo above). 

It was there and then that I made a unilateral legal decision on behalf of all absent citizens of Blogland - that henceforth it will be unlawful for any residents of Blogland or foreign visitors to step upon our shores with visible tattoos. Anyone found revealing tattoos will be subject to the full weight of the law and will risk immediate deportation. May I suggest therefore that any tattooed bloggers still intent on joining me over here should apply for laser removal as soon as possible.

The Canadian Yacht -   The Jolly Lumberjack