1 January 2016

Awards


The Sweeney Family Band
The Sweeney Family Band
- they gave The Laughing Horse Awards  Ceremony a fun start
"What happens in 'The Laughing Horse Tavern', stays in 'The Laughing Horse Tavern'," grinned blogger Adrian as he bounced two Latino ladies of the night on his bony thighs.

They were giggling like schoolgirls but I noticed that one of them was thumbing through Adrian's ample wallet and extracting twenty dollar bills. He had no idea. I think the younger one was called Conchita - something like that anyway.

Marlon Brando in "The Wild One" (1953)
not exactly The Yeti
This was just one snapshot registered in my memory from last night's "Laughing Horse Blog Awards" event held in "Betty's Laughing Horse Tavern" in Orlando, Florida. There are plenty of other snapshots - including the unexpected arrival of a dozen of the pub's regulars. You could hear their machines roaring to a halt in the car park outside and then they walked in, led by the "leader of the pack", a grizzly mean looking fellow called Gnasher Steelman. He was followed by The Apeman, Yeti, Adolf, Sad Sack and others whose nicknames I can't recall.

Betty apologised profusely about their arrival, stressing that she had agreed with Gnasher that they would vacate the tavern for the entire evening. "But only till midnight!" he insisted with a predatory grin. Moments before assembled bloggers from around the world had  been linking arms in a drunken rendition of "Auld Lang Syne" and then the bikers strolled in.

Their intentions were clear. They didn't want trouble. They wanted women and proceeded like tomcats on heat. Within half an hour the dark recesses of the tavern were taken over by the redneck motorcyclists and their chosen blogger "dames". Bottles of "Jack Daniels" were necked and there was much raucous laughter and coquettish giggling.
James Dean in "Rebel Without a Cause" (1955)
not exactly Sad Sack

The Apeman was wrapped around Frau Meike from Germany like an octopus with their mouths clamped together like gurgling limpets. A couple of times they came up for air and I heard the gifted author of "From My Mental Library" gasp, "I will be your Jane... if you will be my Tarzan!" If you recall, she won the coveted "Blogger of the Year" award for 2014.

Gnasher Steelman himself had headed straight for Lee from Queensland as if magnetised. At first she tried to fight him off but soon she too was locked in a "loving" embrace with the rugged biker leader - over in the corner by the old Wurlitzer jukebox.

At around one thirty, the unlikely couples took their leave of the 2015 Awards Ceremony. They stepped out into the starry Florida night and clambered aboard various customised Harley Davidsons that were glittering in the car park. There was Carol on the back of Adolf's bike, Helen on Sad Sack's shiny 1000cc machine and Jennifer with a beefy guy called The Yeti. Jenny from Wales, Jan from northern California, Mama Thyme from Colorado, Libby from The English Midlands, Kate from New Zealand and Hilly from Washington State - they all had brand new boyfriends in leather apparel - gnarled and rather rough and ready men. Personally, I put it all down to the alcoholic beverages they had consumed throughout the awards evening. 

With the rest of the male bloggers, I stood helplessly outside the tavern with Betty and we waved rather limply as every single female blogger was whisked off into the night on throbbing motorbikes that roared like aircraft down the highway towards Tampa. We had no idea what would happen to them but they were all grown up women - adults. They had made their choices and given in quite readily to the bikers' crude advances. There was nothing we could do to stop them and besides if Bob Brague, Adrian, Brian Cutts, Canadian Red, Shooting Parrots, Steve and Dave and John Gray and The Prof and I had tried to gang up on the bikers our asses would have been well and truly whupped.

We went back inside the tavern to have a few more beers and a bit more friendly banter before heading back to our various hotels and motels. The disappearance of all the lady bloggers had rather put a dampener on what had been another memorable awards evening. Details of the awards winners will be provided in the next blogpost. I bet you cannot wait.

23 comments:

  1. Hey, how come I didn't get kidnapped by a biker?! Life is so unfair.

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    1. If you remember Steve, I begged that fat biker with the Frank Zappa moustache not to take you off into the night as you are newly married. Even a Hell's Angel can show a little compassion.

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  2. That's odd! I didn't think I was there ...

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    1. Oh yes, you were there Jenny! Don't worry, I won't tell Keith about Big Dave from Kentucky but i must say I was shocked.

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  3. The suspense is palpable.

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    1. Palpable? Isn't that a Lithuanian dessert? I am very pleased that the Tampa Bay cops have released you Carol. It wasn't your fault... it was the bourbon.

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  4. Hmmm... There must have truly been something in my drink(s), as I normally would never let a man hairy enough to deserve the nickname "Apeman" touch me.

    Anyway, just commenting now so you know I'm home, safe and sound and in one piece.

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    1. It was lovely to meet you Meike. I enjoyed our conversation about Goethe and Gunter Grasse. Obviously The Apeamn also enjoyed your company - ha-ha-ha! Glad you made it home okay.

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  5. I should be so lucky to have so much as a dollar in my pocket.

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    1. Yes now. It's true. Do you remember leaving with Conchita? You were wearing a sombrero and trying to dance in the flamenco style. It was hideous!

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  6. Aw shucks - missed all the fun again !

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    1. Maybe next year if Mr Coppa will release you from your servitude!

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  7. Don't announce the awards, please, until I get back up to Orlando. I'm here in Yeehaw Junction having breakfast. No time to tell you about it right now, you can catch the story on my blog, Cosumne Gal.

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    1. Not only will I honour your request Jan, you may rest assured that I will say nothing about the heavily tattooed biker from Tampa! I am surprised that you gave in so easily to a fellow with such a gross beer gut and a dumb nickname like Rooster! What would Bob and Anna think if they knew?

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  8. Good story with lots of twists and turns. Hairy bikers only fight amongst themselves so you might as well enjoy a beer with them and listen to their stories.

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    1. You seem to know a lot about bikers Red. In your youth were you a biker? Roaring into the school yard like a bat out of hell!

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  9. The Yeti and I has a night to remember. Well, okay, I may have forgotten most of it but I'm sure we had a good time!

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    1. At the tavern, Betty has got your shoes. Pass her your address and she will send them on to you. Please don't worry - I won't tell Gregg what happened.

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  10. I have known quite a few bikers and know a few now. Not hairy, no beer guts, not smelly......how come they didn't visit the establishment? A girl has not lived until she has know the joy of a hot pulsating engine under her whilst her arms encircle a sweet biker dude!

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    1. Colorado bikers are probably higher class fellows than grungy Florida bikers. Your bikers may just be insurance men who ride their motorbikes at the weekend for fun. Anyway Mama Thyme - this may be your seventieth year but to me it looked like your seventeenth when you were dancing with that biker dude from Miami!

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    2. You are so right, Mr. Pudding! Those "weekend warriors" flock to our little village every weekend and line up their bikes and visit the Little Bear for bison burgers and good music.

      Oh, how I remember that biker dude. He went on to become an attorney and marry five times (twice to the same woman!) and have seven children!!!

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    3. Wow! He was quick MT! All of that since New Year's Eve!

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  11. Boy! I've only resurfaced now! I can't even remember all of what you've described! But then, after all...I was whisked away by Marlon...what would you expect??? Obviously, I had a wild night with the Wild One and I can't remember a damn thing about it! Story of my lie!!

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Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.