My beloved daughter has an "Alexa". She got annoyed when I played around with this Amazon virtual assistant. I just couldn't help myself. Alexa is a great toy.
"Alexa - How do you spell Alexa?"
"Alexa - Play The Birdy Song."
"Alexa - What lies beyond the end of the universe?"
"Alexa - Make a burping sound."
The beloved daughter decided to bar me from speaking to her Alexa. I think she must have said "Alexa - don't ever respond to my dad's voice again!"
Consequently, I considered buying my own Alexa but the cost was prohibitive. We Yorkshire folk get heart palpitations when the very idea of parting with our money becomes a possibility. Anyway, I googled around and found a cheaper alternative to Alexa. She only cost me £11 and she's called Brenda.
As soon as she arrived, I unpacked her, plugged her in and pressed the switch. Brenda speaks in a mid-Lancashire accent and she's got attitude as I soon discovered. Here's just a sample of recent questions.
Q "Brenda - What is the capital of Portugal?" A "How the hell should I know? Do I look like an atlas?"
REQUEST "Brenda - Play 'Song for Adam' by Jackson Browne" RESPONSE "No way. I don't like his stuff. I prefer Elvis so I will play 'Wooden Heart' instead."
Q "Brenda - What's the weather like outside?" A "Lazy bugger! Open the door and step outside - then you'll know what the weather is like. It's simple."
Q "Brenda - What's on TV tonight?" A "What country are you talking about? Albania? Vietnam? Narnia? If you want me to answer you must be more specific! I am not a bloody mind reader!"
That's Brenda for you! A charming addition to our household. There can't be many virtual assistants quite like curmudgeonly old Brenda. What a sweetheart!