COVID

When I came downstairs this morning I noticed a lateral flow test thingummyjig on our kitchen work surface. It was showing not one but two red lines so I knew that Shirley was now positive. 

Because I have been feeling ropey the last two or three days, I did a test yesterday but the result was negative. However, seeing Shirley's little testing device made me think that I had better do another test. And sure enough it wasn't long before the second red line appeared - the kind of magic trick we would rather not witness.

And so after two long years of dodging COVID, it has finally caught up with me. Thankfully, I have had my three jabs so unlike all those misguided refuseniks and assorted anti-vaxxers, I am very unlikely to be hospitalised or to expire (American: die)  which will no doubt be a great disappointment to the four unpleasant trolls who hang about this blog, leaving insidious remarks that are immediately deleted and never read. Actually two of those trolls are the same person!

That is my own test device at the top of this blogpost, not Shirley's. Having kept abreast of national and worldwide COVID stats throughout the pandemic, it occurred to me that I should report my positive result. Recently retired Nurse Shirley told me what to do even though I suspect that a great number of positive results are not reported and never have been. Yesterday 46,571  new cases were reported in Great Britain but what, I wonder, was the true figure?

There's a government website where positive results can and should be recorded. I put in my details including my NHS number and created a password that had to be of eight letters or more and include a capital too. Why are there so many different rules for passwords?

A few other things irritated me about this reporting website but the main annoyance was the broad assumption that every visitor would have a mobile phone. There wasn't even a "get out" option. Without a mobile phone number you couldn't report your positive test as the system would not let you through until you negotiated that particular hurdle.

I had to use Shirley's mobile number but that was most unsatisfactory as it could invite a breach of confidentiality in the future. I am not the only adult human being on this island who does not have a mobile phone. There are thousands of others. And why the simple reporting of a positive coronavirus test result should require ownership of a mobile phone is beyond my powers of comprehension. Personally, I blame Baroness "Dido" Harding, PM Johnson's university chum who was made the head of our very costly "Test and Trace" system that failed so woefully.

I have had a horrible ticklish cough that has woken me from my sleep several times though last night it was okay and I slept pretty well. Even though I have only just tested positive, I think I am already over the worst of the infection.

Meanwhile Clint remains in the garage because one of his window washers isn't working and that is the reason he failed his annual Ministry Of Transport test last Saturday. I need him to transport me to East Yorkshire on Friday to take my younger brother Simon to hospital where he will have an endoscopy under general anaesthetic. Driving after such a procedure is  verboten. Of course, I will also have to test negative on Friday morning.

Finally, there is absolutely probably no truth in the rumour - no doubt driven by anti-vaxxers and crazyman David Icke -  that you can become infected with COVID by simply reading  infected blogposts from  those who have tested positive.