It is not uncommon to have a morbid fear of dentists. I am amongst those unfortunate sufferers.
I don't know what it is about dentists. Perhaps it's how close they get to you - prodding around in your mouth with mysterious instruments including wailing and grinding devices that you never even get to see properly. As a child and later I had some unpleasant experiences with dentists which I don't wish to elaborate upon just now. Let sleeping dogs lie and all that.
Anyway for the past ten years I have felt pretty comfortable about visiting the dental surgery just round the corner from our house. My dentist was called Samantha and she was always very pleasant and gentle too. She had looked after my children's teeth since they were toddlers.
When I had an appointment with Samantha she would greet me kindly, sometimes asking after our kids. She explained what she was about to do - if anything and although I never enjoyed the experience it was always tolerable in comparison with past times.
Sadly, Samantha retired at the end of October. Just after that I lost a big filling from a molar and rang up the surgery for an appointment. To my surprise, they could not fit me in till yesterday morning - six weeks after the filling came out. A big hole had been left behind and I imagined that they would fill it - but as it happens they didn't.
My new dentist was as tall as me and not that this matters one iota but he probably has an Arab heritage. He didn't even introduce himself and there were no niceties or explanations. There was no discussion about the problem tooth. He just decided not to fill it and said he would extract it if I wanted it out. I had to point out that the edges of the tooth were sharp and with a huge sigh he agreed to smooth it out.
After the treatment was done, he didn't even ask me to wash my mouth out as Samantha would have indicated. There followed something of a tirade about dental hygiene - how I must floss after every meal and when I brush my teeth I should just spit out the toothpaste - not rinse it out with water. In 69 years no dentist has ever instructed me to floss and indeed I never have flossed or failed to rinse out toothpaste.
He said that if I followed his guidance my teeth would serve me well for the next fifty years. Fifty years! I protested that I would not be alive in fifty years time but he was unapologetic about his ridiculous claim and found no humour in my protest. He also said that if I followed his advice I would avoid bad breath when I have never ever suffered from this as my nearest and dearest can happily confirm.
Before I left the surgery, I said to the fellow, "By the way, you didn't tell me your name" and it was almost with another sigh of irritation that he surrendered the precious information but I could not make out his swift pronunciation so I am still not much the wiser. It begins with an "R".
I am not looking forward to seeing him again. Some of the old dentophobic anxiety has returned and I am still not sure that it was right to leave the tooth unfilled. Was he fobbing me off and saving time because I was having my treatment on The National Health Service? I paid for it in advance through a lifetime of National Insurance salary deductions - just as my parents did.
I think this guy needs to have that explained to him. And furthermore it is surprising that his training clearly did include how to deal nicely with patients and put them at their ease. Samantha could teach him a lot.
That kind of bedside manner should never have seen him qualify from Dental School. I must have been lucky in my dentists over the years - all have been very good at putting one at ease and explaining what they were doing, and I am certain that none would have left a tooth like that unfilled. My wife, however, who uses a different practice for historical reasons has had some bad experiences including one dentist who wanted her to undergo months of unnecessary treatment, and her current practice is moving very much into cosmetic dentistry rather than the basics.
ReplyDeleteYou have indeed been fortunate Will.
DeleteI so sympathise with you, I too suffer from fear of the dentist. I am so afraid I can't do the laying down flat thing while they pock about inside my mouth, I need to feel that if I need to I can get out of the chair. I was trying to explain this to a new dentist who replied 'well what do you do at night when you go to bed' which I thought was quite rude. She said 'I can't possibly do the work with you sat up as it might hurt my back.' Needless to say I asked to see another dentist in the practice who was much more understanding.
ReplyDeleteJane
Your inconsiderate dentist must have trained at the same dental school as my guy. They would have been more suited to motor vehicle maintenance.
DeleteI understand completely what you are saying, sadly this is common. I almost never see the same dentist now and they are all foreign. I was also told not to spit out the toothpaste and told him that i didn't like the idea of swallowing those chemicals and did not take his advice. They usually try to get me to use an electric toothbrush but I have used a hand brush for all these years and don't intend to change.
ReplyDeleteDo what you want to do, that's me, but I count myself lucky to be able to see a dentist. My son has been waiting for 3 years to get an appointment.
Remember the little tins of Gibbs toothpaste in a block, where did that go?
So I gather you still have a hole in your tooth?
Maybe you can get some filler in the chemist.
Briony
x
Once you are on an NHS list you are obliged to stick with it. I am thinking of getting a second opinion from a private dentist and paying for it.
DeleteGood idea, that gaping hole could become infected, you don't want that kind of pain!
DeleteI had a not too dissimilar meet-up with my long-time dentist's new partner who will be replacing him soon. I have actually had thoughts about how it would do him a favor if I tried to gently tell him how people want to be treated in a dentist's office and how older people are not that concerned with what might happen to their teeth in ten years. This guy gave me instructions too, on dental hygiene and everything he said is something I've done for decades. I hear that he is an incredible dentist when it comes to doing what dentists do. That his procedures are flawless. I appreciate that but there is more to it than that. People's mouths are the very essence of personal space. I mean, there are others but mouths are right up there.
ReplyDeleteDentists are providing a service and should recognise that through the way they interact with their patients. Eerily it felt as though my guy was threatening me with "or else" if I didn't obey the instructions he rattled off in no more than thirty seconds.No room for questions or anything like that.
DeleteWell, he sounds like a real dud. Do you have any options for other dentists? Too bad you're not in Florence, SC...we should be the dental care capital of the world, we have so many dentists. Way too many choices to put up with such bad behavior.
ReplyDeleteAs to flossing....I can't believe no dentist ever told you to floss! Not after every meal, but at least once a day. Every six months when I go for a cleaning they tell me I'm doing a good job flossing, but the truth is I'm very hit and miss with it. I probably floss 3 or 4 times a week, not every day as I should. I inherited weak enamel from my dad, and I develop cavities easily. I can only imagine how bad it would be if I never flossed.
A coworker of mine has NEVER had a cavity, and neither has her 90 year old mother, who still has all of her (strong, healthy) teeth. That's amazing to me. I mentioned it to my dentist, and he said genetic differences in enamel and the makeup of saliva could be part of the reason why, along with good care, of course. But still. Can you even believe that? How lucky!
Most people with African heritage have wonderful teeth. In Britain we have public dentists and private dentists. Once you are on a public (NHS) list you are kind of obliged to stick with it.
DeleteIt is hard to train a good dentist to my desires. Once I have one trained though, I will go through hell to make my appointment, even as in my case now where I have to drive 30 minutes to get there.
ReplyDeleteDo you hypnotise them?
DeleteA bad dentist is a bad thing because it keeps people from ever going. We are lucky that we found a good one here in our town that makes it a SOMEWHAT pleasant experience.
ReplyDeleteIt's six months till my next check up and already I'm anxious.
DeleteThat's such a shame! Is there any other dental surgery near you that you could transfer to? I loved my first dentist although he was strict and always lectured me about flossing, eating sugary sweets and drinking soda. He was also my grandfather.
ReplyDeleteDid he write poetry too Margaret? "Ode to a Tooth"? In Britain, once you are on an NHS surgery's list you must stick with it or end up going private and paying full prices.
DeleteThat's too bad. :( Different side of the family. The dentist was my mom's dad, a temperamental Italian. My dad was the Grieve and they were anything but temperamental except for their black sheep, Chris. LOL
DeleteI had a beloved cousin who died in the dentist's chair.
ReplyDeleteIt must have been 1977-78; I was about 27, Monica a few years younger.
She was afraid of nothing except needles, decided on general anaesthetic, the dentist bungled the procedure, had not had his equipment serviced in years.
Monica worked with horses like her father, possessed her Italian mother's colouring, and had everyone laughing at her jokes and teasing.
She loved life and I think of everything she missed.
The coroner told the dentist, 'You killed that girl.'
He had dismantled his equipment before the police came.
Several young people died that way until legislation ensured that extractions with general anaesthetic must take place in the Dental Hospital.
What a tragic tale John. All those lost possibilities. Rest in peace Monica.
DeleteUncle George, Monica's father, celebrated his 102nd birthday last spring.
DeleteHe lives in Devon and has two living daughters, two sons, grandchildren and great grandchildren.
He told me: *Only now can I think of Monica now without it hurting.*
One interesting point.
I asked Uncle George, a horse breeder and animal lover, if he thought there was any truth to the Meat-is-Murder philosophy.
He said, *Yes, I think it is wrong to kill animals and eat them. But going vegetarian globally will involve huge changes to the world economy.*
Uncle George sounds like such a character but what a weight of sorrow he had to bear in relation to Monica.
DeleteDon't go back to this guy. He's bad news. Dentists of all people have have great communication skills and make their patients feel at ease.
ReplyDeleteI am on an NHS list Red. If I leave it, I won't get back on another surgery's list for years.
DeleteI am not a fan of dentists. Mine died. I had a tooth break. I need to do something about that.
ReplyDeleteBe brave Debby!
DeleteThat sucks that you have to keep going to him and he does need remedial training on how to deal with humans.
ReplyDeleteMy old dentist, who was wonderful, also retired and was replaced by a young man with no social skills whatsoever. When he had to freeze my gums it was so painful I screamed. I've never done that before. I didn't go back to him and found an amazing dentist closeby. I've never had such good care as I have at this new dentist.
And yes, you should floss once a day. I don't but you should. I usually manage about five days a week.
I wouldn't know how to floss. I will have to look up YouTube videos. There is another new dentist at the dental practice - a young woman called Maisie. I will have to be forthright and ask for her - hopefully without causing offence.
DeleteIn my family, teeth quality seems to be divided through my Dad's side (very good, which includes me) and Mum's (poor, which includes my sister). I can not remember when I last needed anything done to my teeth (we're NOT talking orthopaedics here; I know my front teeth look like tombstones leaning over each other on an old cemetery).
ReplyDeleteTherefore, I can not say much about dentists in general, but from your description and the other comments here it seems there is a severe lack of decent human beings among them.
The strength, arrangement and durability of one's teeth does seem to have a lot to do with inheritance.
DeletePersonality, and talent make all the difference. My dentist is very talented, and I trust him, he has done some great work - his interpersonal skills with his staff are non-existent, he shouts at them. Flossing has become the standard.
ReplyDeleteI thought that flossing was a dance.
DeleteYou can wear the lack of bed side manners from professionals who really know their trade. But this man sounds like a right wanker. I have been flossing for about four decades and only spitting out toothpaste yet I had an extraction this year. Fluoride in the water supply when you are a child makes a huge difference to your teeth as an adult, as any dentist will attest, though anti vaxxer types think fluoride poisons the population. I should think you would find another dentist at another practice.
ReplyDeleteI am against fluoride but I am not an anti-vaxxer nutter. I will not find another dentist at another NHS practice unless I wait two years or more. Fortunately, there is a young lady dentist at my practice. I will have to ask for her next time.
DeleteI don't fear the dentist, I fear the cost! and those dreaded words, "this tooth cannot be saved". I have teeth very heavily filled and refilled over many years and they're on their last legs. So I found a new dentist nearby and he is SO nice! Your fellow could learn a lot from him. I always prefer a dentist who explains the state of my teeth, what can be done and what would not be worth the trouble and cost.
ReplyDeleteKnowledge is always good. I never like being left in the dark.
DeleteWe have a similar government program to your NHS, we have criteria to meet to get your name on the list, then you wait until it is your turn, sometimes years and then all they do is the very basic work, drill and fill, or extract, then a final cleaning when they declare you are "finished". I was able to leave that system because my wonderful daughter pays health insurance for me, knowing that I can't afford it. But my teeth suffered and I lost too many. Like Jennifer, I also inherited weak enamel, but from my mother, add to that we children were raised on sugary sweet desserts and lollies as well as the proper meat and veg. Oddly enough my siblings have decent teeth, because they drank milk and I couldn't being lactose intolerant.
ReplyDeleteMost of Britain's population rely on NHS dentistry. Only the rich go private but things are changing because the Conservative government have deliberately taken their eye off the ball.
DeleteHow infuriating that you can't change dentists easily. That's possibly why yours is so unsympathetic. Was he was trained in the UK, or somewhere else?
ReplyDeleteAs a youngster I suffered the appalling dentistry supplied by the NHS at the School Clinic and subsequently lost a several second teeth by the time I was a teenager. My mother had tried to get me on the list of several private dentists but in those days they didn't take young children.
Dental treatment here is private and I have a South African dentist who is excellent and very sympathetic with cowards like me! Last month I went for a check-up - the first since pre-Covid. He tactfully commented that he wondered if I'd passed away, as he'd lost quite a few patients to the virus. Thankfully I just had a clean and told to come back in six months.
You were lucky! By the way, did you pass away in the time of COVID Carol?
DeleteThere is absolutely no need for rudeness and it sounds like this guy is either one of the "I'm a doctor so you shall worship me" brigade or has some kine of autism. I am pleased to say that my doctor daughter Kay and her dentist boyfriend Darcy are both in tune with their patients' needs and talk to them as if they were one of the family. I got on very well with my NHS dentist until he retired about 5 years ago and then was forced to go privately. The new private dentist is lovely but I tend to go less often (once a year instead of twice) now the prices have more than doubled,
ReplyDeleteMany people are being driven to private dentists now. You are not alone.
DeleteWe now have a wonderful village dentist called Radika. However, it did cost me £500 for private root treatment as she did not have the special equipment to deal with by narrow and curved root canal.
ReplyDeleteYour memories of school dentists are probably similar to mine.
I hated the smell of a dentist's room. And in those days nearly all dentists were men. I prefer the gentleness of (most) women.
DeleteLike you, I've always had a fear of dentists though I've had good ones in my adulthood. Not so much in my childhood though my dentist was also my godfather. I had no choice for either, though. My teeth are a mess now but I'll leave them alone for what time I have left to gnaw and chew.
ReplyDeleteWe are served exceptionally well on Lewis by the NHS but getting to see an NHS dentist can be very difficult these days if your dentist retires.
ReplyDeleteI started leaving a comment on this post the other day while at work but I think I got interrupted. I've heard that it's hard to get an appointment with an NHS dentist these days. So sorry your previous dentist retired. There's something special about finding a good dentist and they're hard to replace!
ReplyDelete