Accompanying this year's Christmas cards...
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HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!
Dear Friends,
2022 has been an eventful year for The Pudding Clan so I thought I would bring you bang up to date with our news.
- In January our Ian was arrested down in London when he was caught flashing on Putney Bridge after a night out in Battersea. The judge ordered him to undertake a hundred hours of community service which involved cleaning graffiti off public buildings. He has also been placed on some sort of register.
- In February Frances sat an exam connected to her Human Relations course. She failed it miserably as she was always distracted by reality shows on the television.
- In March, I got into a fist fight outside "The Banner Cross" pub. I knocked the other bloke's block off. Well - he shouldn't have attempted to get in front of me at the bar! I avoided police action by promising to pay for his remedial dental work.
- In April, Shirley finished knitting a colourful jumper for our granddaughter. Strangely she had forgotten to add any sleeves or a hole for her head. It was a disaster.
- In May we travelled down to London by train to see our Ian. The train broke down just outside Watford and it took four hours before we were rescued. I complained to East Midlands Railways but have still not heard anything back. Later that first day I was mugged outside Fulham Broadway tube station. They took my camera and wallet. The police weren't interested .
- In June, Little Phoebe was suspended from nursery school for repeatedly attempting to gouge out the eyeballs of her assigned nursery teacher - Ashleigh who has now resigned from her post saying, "The experience has put me off young children for life".
- In July our pet dog Tyson died when he was run over by a double decker bus. It was a distressing sight I can tell you and to add to the tragedy the council charged us for the "clean up" operation.
- In August we were meant to go on holiday to Benidorm in Spain but had to cancel our arrangements at the very last moment as we had both contacted COVID for the second time. Our holiday insurance did not cover the cancellation.
- In September, our son-in-law Stewart was caught speeding on Sheffield Parkway - doing 95mph in a 50mph zone. He has since been banned from driving for twelve months and ordered to pay a fine of £1000. Also Liz Truss was elected by The Tory Party as our new Prime Minister.
- In October I roasted a chicken for Sunday dinner. I thought it smelled a bit funny. Anyway, we all contracted salmonella poisoning and had to receive antibiotics intravenously at The Royal; Hallamshire Hospital. Also Richie Sumak became our latest Tory Party Prime Minister.
- In November it was grey and rainy and nothing happened of note. I was very bored and down in the dumps the entire month - anxious about my mental health and short-tempered with everyone. A mysterious damp patch developed in our front room and I still haven't got to the bottom of it.
- In December I set off for the post office with all my Christmas cards clutched in my right hand, Unfortunately, I slipped on some wet leaves and dropped them all in a puddle. I couldn't be bothered to buy any Christmas presents - partly because in the fall I fractured half a dozen ribs.
So that was 2022 for us. How was your year? I hope it was somewhat better than ours. All the best for 2023!
Best wishes,
The Puddings
Just another dreary round of everyday occurences for the Puddings then?
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas, and better luck next year!
Do I detect a note of sarcasm there JayCee?
DeleteMwah ha ha. That is so similar to a Round Robin I received from an old friend yesterday. (I'm surprised you got into a fist fight though.)
ReplyDeleteWell these things happen ma'am.
DeleteBut all things aside, you otherwise had a very good year.
ReplyDeleteYup! Better than usual I must admit.
DeleteMy round robin letter, if I could be bothered to send one, would even less interesting than Matt's!
ReplyDeleteReally YP, I see your year is about average for the majority of families these days. You need to have a bit of fun and let off steam occasionally. Shame about little Phoebe's jumper, now that is a tragedy!
I wouldn't call it a jumper, I would call it a sack!
DeleteHeh-heh. Actually, I've gotten a few end-of-the-year letters that were not all full of glowy reports. Child being arrested (for drugs and for real), divorces, ill health. I used to send one with my cards. Now I do not do cards or the letter. Not sure what that says about me but it is what it is.
ReplyDeleteIt says you have become a skinflint!
DeleteA Murphy's Law kind of year for the Pudding clan, eh? Happy Christmas.
ReplyDeleteYup! Same sort of year as usual.
Deletelol! i know some people who love to tell their bad news, I can put you in touch if you like!
ReplyDeleteSurely their bad news cannot be as bad as mine!
DeleteSounds like a rather routine year. Ho hum. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou are right. Always a dull moment.
Delete
ReplyDeleteOh boy....that Phoebe is a chip off the old block. Merry Christmas to all puddings great and small.
Aggression is underrated in my view.
DeleteMy wife trounced me in a game of cribbage. Happy Christmas to you and your family. (When they're all released from custody.)
ReplyDeleteIt should be peaceful that's for sure Bruce. By the way, mention the name "Bruce" to English folk and we think of a TV entertainer called Bruce Forsyth - now deceased. He was very popular indeed... just like you!
DeleteWell played my friend, well played. Trying to entice one of us into a game of oneupmanship. You read my blog, I can beat your letter with one hand tied behind my back:)
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for making me smile. I do have to tell you this though, when I read the entry for June it reminded me of a coworker of mine about fifteen years ago. She told me that working with me and listening to me talk about my kids was the best birth control she could ever ask for. Some things never change.
You had more than your fair share of bad luck along the way - that's for sure.
DeleteMy Auntie Ann and Uncle Dave from Thurnscoe send a Round Robin every year, and I love to read it! I get to see them less than once a year, and they are lovely people, so I enjoy the update; they don't email or stay in touch via my blog etc. I am genuinely interested in what goes on in their lives, and when the letter mentions Ann having sung (again) with her choir at some concert or other, or Dave being busy with his volunteer work at Hope Cross Barn, it does not come across like bragging to me.
ReplyDeleteIn your letter, I feel most sorry for Tyson!
Ann and Dave sound like nice people and their Xmas letters seem focused on sharing information not bragging as some of those round robins are.
DeleteDd your three legged, one eared missing cat turn up YP? I believe it answers to'Lucky'.
ReplyDeleteNow where did you pick that one up from? I am sure I have heard it before.
DeleteMy year was going great until yesterday when the proper authorities told me I had to go back and repeat it. I haven't decided what to do yet. I may try skipping ahead to 2025 to after the next election cycle.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should take your cue from the improper authorities instead!
DeleteYou knocked somebody's block off?? Wow. You don't come across as a fisticuffs type. I'm sorry about the Salmonella. Try smelling the chicken before you cook it from now on. You've had an interesting year.
ReplyDeleteI am like a caged tiger River. Prod me with a stick and I roar. Thanks for the helpful hint about the chicken!
DeleteThat was an eventful year. Perhaps you and Shirley should not have embarked on having children maybe? But anyway I hope you and your family have a peaceful New Year and a smashing Christmas. Not the dishes of course.
ReplyDeleteDo I get extra points for finding the three truths in this?
ReplyDeleteHa! That August entry hits a little close to home for me at the moment. The May entry seems entirely possible -- "the police weren't interested."
ReplyDeleteMy year has been full of wonderful things culminating in a speech to a joint session of the United States Congress last evening by one of my heros, Volodymyr Zelenskyy,
ReplyDeletePresident of Ukraine. You are my hero too, Mr. Pudding, to be head of a family that has survived such drama and angst this year. Merry Christmas and a Peaceful New Year to you and Mrs. P and all the little P's.
Where are you, Mr. P? I am worried.
ReplyDelete