Accompanying this year's Christmas cards...
HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!
2022 has been an eventful year for The Pudding Clan so I thought I would bring you bang up to date with our news.
- In January our Ian was arrested down in London when he was caught flashing on Putney Bridge after a night out in Battersea. The judge ordered him to undertake a hundred hours of community service which involved cleaning graffiti off public buildings. He has also been placed on some sort of register.
- In February Frances sat an exam connected to her Human Relations course. She failed it miserably as she was always distracted by reality shows on the television.
- In March, I got into a fist fight outside "The Banner Cross" pub. I knocked the other bloke's block off. Well - he shouldn't have attempted to get in front of me at the bar! I avoided police action by promising to pay for his remedial dental work.
- In April, Shirley finished knitting a colourful jumper for our granddaughter. Strangely she had forgotten to add any sleeves or a hole for her head. It was a disaster.
- In May we travelled down to London by train to see our Ian. The train broke down just outside Watford and it took four hours before we were rescued. I complained to East Midlands Railways but have still not heard anything back. Later that first day I was mugged outside Fulham Broadway tube station. They took my camera and wallet. The police weren't interested .
- In June, Little Phoebe was suspended from nursery school for repeatedly attempting to gouge out the eyeballs of her assigned nursery teacher - Ashleigh who has now resigned from her post saying, "The experience has put me off young children for life".
- In July our pet dog Tyson died when he was run over by a double decker bus. It was a distressing sight I can tell you and to add to the tragedy the council charged us for the "clean up" operation.
- In August we were meant to go on holiday to Benidorm in Spain but had to cancel our arrangements at the very last moment as we had both contacted COVID for the second time. Our holiday insurance did not cover the cancellation.
- In September, our son-in-law Stewart was caught speeding on Sheffield Parkway - doing 95mph in a 50mph zone. He has since been banned from driving for twelve months and ordered to pay a fine of £1000. Also Liz Truss was elected by The Tory Party as our new Prime Minister.
- In October I roasted a chicken for Sunday dinner. I thought it smelled a bit funny. Anyway, we all contracted salmonella poisoning and had to receive antibiotics intravenously at The Royal; Hallamshire Hospital. Also Richie Sumak became our latest Tory Party Prime Minister.
- In November it was grey and rainy and nothing happened of note. I was very bored and down in the dumps the entire month - anxious about my mental health and short-tempered with everyone. A mysterious damp patch developed in our front room and I still haven't got to the bottom of it.
- In December I set off for the post office with all my Christmas cards clutched in my right hand, Unfortunately, I slipped on some wet leaves and dropped them all in a puddle. I couldn't be bothered to buy any Christmas presents - partly because in the fall I fractured half a dozen ribs.
So that was 2022 for us. How was your year? I hope it was somewhat better than ours. All the best for 2023!