He was lying there by the window in a four bed bay on Huntsman 5 Ward at The Northern General Hospital. He was wearing hospital pyjamas with a small repeating word pattern: "Property of the NHS". I noticed that two of the other old men in the room were wearing the same. The fourth man was sitting up in a high chair next to his bed. He was wearing a white T-shirt and khaki coloured shorts. The fifth person in the room - apart from me - was an African nurse in a lilac coloured uniform.
I brought Bert a "Get Well Soon" card and a carton of seedless grapes that I had picked up at the local Co-op store. Isn't that what you are meant to bring hospital patients? Grapes. It always used to be the case.
At first all seemed fine - a continuation of our lunch conversation at the Hungry Horse pub last week but gradually I realised that something was amiss.
Above the bed were ceiling panels and several light boxes plus curtain runners.
"Can you see them?"
"See what?"
"Those clouds in them boxes. Can you see them moving?"
"No I can't see a thing Bert."
"You must be able to see them. Can you see them webs then?"
"No I'm afraid not."
"They can bring those things down you know? They can lower the roof to flood this place. They've just got to pull that red cord."
It was getting weird and it struck me that Bert's head was all over the place. He didn't know if he had had an operation or not. He thought he would be getting out of hospital tomorrow. He implied that the staff were conspiring against him. He didn't know what day or time it was. This was a different Bert from the one I saw last week.
He pulled his bed sheet across and tried to show me the site of his hip injury even though I had just told him that I didn't want to see it.
Though his eyesight is quite good for a man in his 87th year, he still needs to wear spectacles for everyday use but there were none on his bedside table nor in his locker. It struck me that he was lying there in a hazy world - still sometimes unsure of what he was doing there and lurching between clear-sightedness, confusion and fantasy.
After twenty minutes I wanted to get the hell out of there and I was saved by the arrival of Bert's youngest son and his ex-wife Pat.
"Right I'm off now Bert. I'll leave you with your family. I hope you are home again soon. Take care!"
"Thanks Neil. Thanks for coming."
And I drove Clint back across the city at the very time that schoolchildren were pouring out of their various schools causing a consequent growth in traffic. Crawling along, I felt sad to think that Bert will never get back to where he was before Christmas - thrice a week walking up to the pub he has visited regularly for sixty years and walking home again after four or five pints of Tetley's bitter. The wheel has turned and where he is at now, it feels like the beginning of the end. I hope I am wrong.
Weird things can happen with a person's behavior when they're in the hospital for days and days. Google "ICU psychosis" and you can read all about it. It happened to Gregg on his last day in the hospital after having his lung removed. One minute he would be talking in seemingly a perfectly normal manner, and the next he would be desperate to escape, convinced that the hospital staff was attempting to burn the hospital down! It was only after several days that it happened, and it resolved right away as soon as he went home. I only bring this up because it would be easy to assume that this is the new normal for your friend, when in fact it could be the stay in the hospital, or medications he's taking, or even a UTI which famously makes me act like they're suddenly demented. In fact, someone should suggest they test him for a UTI.
ReplyDeleteAll that is to say, don't give up hope quite yet on your friend. This may be temporary.
For a young woman you speak wisely. Thank you Jennifer.
DeleteForgive the typos. I was commenting on my phone.
DeleteJennifer has said it well - I have seen this happen as well, and it doesn't necessarily mean Bert won't recover or come back to his old self. It is difficult to see, though; I understand that.
DeletePoor Bert, I wonder if he's on painkilling drugs that can cause confusion? Let's hope he surprises us all and returns, more or less, to his former self.
ReplyDeleteHaving watched a good friend of 20 or more years decline into confusion, I know how you must feel. My friend too, started with a fall, hospitalisation and then a care home. I visited every week until I could no longer recognise the brilliant brain and excellent wit. Her conversation declined into two or three intelligent words and then literally unintelligible gabble. Eventually I had to steel myself to visit her, and feel guilty still about the overpowering sense of relief when she died. I feel she is in a better place.
You did your best to be a good friend to her Carol. You were there for her even as the end drew close.
DeleteSorry your friend seems to not be doing well. Hopefully this is just a small patch to work through to get back to something that looks like normal.
ReplyDeleteMy instinct is that he will never get back to who he was.
DeleteOh, boy. Stay well yourself, Neil.
ReplyDeleteLife can change drastically in one moment.
DeleteAs others have suggested, my first thought was a UTI or other infection that can send the elderly (and not so elderly) completely doolally. Add lack of spectacles and his behaviour can be explained. I doubt he will ever be his old self but fingers crossed he recovers enough to enjoy some of what he did pre fall. It is always hard to watch dear ones deteriorate. You're a good mate.
ReplyDeleteI could cling to your optimism and positive spin like a rope in flood waters.
DeletePainkillers can really have some strange side effects
ReplyDeleteHe had morphine on Monday. Maybe it takes a while to flush its effects out of the system.
DeleteI also hope you are wrong and wonder if the lack of his glasses are causing him to see things that aren't there on the ceiling? Possibly post operational pain killers might be fuddling his mind too?
ReplyDeleteHe also has issues with his "new" dentures that have never seemed to fit properly.
DeleteAs Jennifer points out, hospitalisation can do that to a person, no matter their age. My Dad suffered this form of "temporary dementia" during his first of many stays in hospital, but his mind was perfectly alright again after he was home. Sadly, he later developed dementia that was not temporary anymore, but that had nothing to do with the hospital stay. My grandma, too, was talking nonsense while in hospital - it turned out that in her case, it was severe dehydration. She did not drink enough, and the nurses had not been monitoring her fluid intake properly.
ReplyDeleteI do share your instinct, though. Hopefully, we are both wrong.
This comment gives me some cause for optimism. We will see.
DeleteI second Jennifer. If this is a new symptom it may clear when he is in better shape. Having said that, I suspect your intuition is right and I take my hat off to you for looking at it realistically. As a society we are very bad at acknowledging death will come to us all.
ReplyDeleteAt almost 87, it will be very difficult for Bert to get back on an even keel.
DeleteThat is very sad. Perhaps the confusion is only the effects of strong painkillers and may wear off eventually?
ReplyDeleteHaving read other comments, I concede that this may be the case but practically his broken hip will make it very difficult for him to get home.
DeleteHopefully it is the painkillers/medication causing his confusion. I have had morphine twice in my life and both times I had " visual" hallucinations! Luckily the first time, after giving birth, it was a graph that looked as if it was being shone on the wall, and the second time after knee op, it was like fine intricate pen and ink patterns all over the wall, moving up and over the ceiling! Thank goodness it wasn't spiders all over the bed!!!
ReplyDeleteCould someone not go and get his specs? Might help.
His ex-wife and son had brought some glasses because I asked about them before I left.
DeleteYour morphine experiences sound weird Frances. Where can I get some?
I would imagine the painkillers or drugs they are prescribing have made him like that, so don't be too alarmed at this stage. He's probably on some psychedelic trip. If he is still like that in a few weeks time, then that is the time to worry.
ReplyDeleteWise advice. Thank you ADDY.
DeleteWell does for visiting. These situations can be troubling.
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame I went to see him on the very afternoon that his ex-wife and youngest son turned up.
Deletethat should read "done"
DeleteNowt much to say beyond it is a sad time.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to find an Aussie using the word "nowt".
DeleteThank you for visiting, and please try to go back. It could be delirium, disorientation from being in a strange and stressful environment, pain. It often goes undiagnosed. Or a side effect of pain meds (opiods make me paranoid.) Disorientation from delirium and pain meds often clears, or at least lessons over time. There is some research connecting anesthesia amplifying dementia. Be there for your friend, he is still there and needs you.
ReplyDeleteI always find it difficult to talk about hospitals but not because they are bad but because they are good. They do say never have a fall when you get old and Bert seems to be suffering more from being in hospital. One can only hope he will get better if he returns home. Good of you to visit him though.
ReplyDeleteDrugs and surgery can really shock the system and confusion is often the result. I wouldn't give up on Bert yet as people recover from the worst things. Stay hopeful, Neil, and keep visiting if you can.
ReplyDeleteJennifer is right. This may be temporary. I hope so.
ReplyDeleteA broken hip is so often the beginning of the end. Poor Bert. Surgery and anesthetics are so hard on old brains. Perhaps he will be one of the lucky few to rebound. I hope so.
ReplyDeleteI was so sorry to hear about Bert. He may have "hospital acquired delirium". It's a common issue for patients over 70. My friend's father acquired it after a long stay in the hospital but returned to normal once he returned home. Hopefully, his family can work out a way that Bert can safely return home. I hope his visits to the pub haven't come to an end.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about Bert. Eighty-seven is a ripe old age, but that doesn't make the immediate situation any easier. I'm sure he appreciated your visit even if he is a bit foggy.
ReplyDelete