In The Queen's Bedroom
Charles Oh good heavens that man is insufferable!
Camilla You can say that again my beloved. Did you notice the odour?
Charles Oh yes mehbooba. It has most certainly got worse.
Camilla They say he is incontinent.
Charles I read that on "The Meidas Touch". I believe he wears incontinence pants. But nobody knows as he never "comes clean" about his medical records!
Camilla (tittering at the joke) And as for his trophy wife. Oh my God!
Charles You mean Big Barbie? I simply cannot understand a word that woman says. And that suits me fine. Can she speak English? I just nod and smile as Dear Mama taught me.
Camilla Remember when he had that royal visit back in 2019? He tried to upstage your mother.
Charles So ignorant. Pushing past to inspect the troops. Walking in front of her. Unheard of. Even Froggie Macron knows better.
Camilla One's tolerance is sorely tested.
Charles Did you hear our incorrigible host spouting that nonsense about what he calls "windmills"? He doesn't even realise how vital wind turbines have become in helping the world to move away from fossil fuels.
Camilla Yes I heard him... Anyway, it's time for bed Charlie Boy.
Charles Will Bunny be going down the burrow tonight my beloved?
Camilla Oh Chaz - does he have to?
Charles Yes my dear. It's one's royal prerogative!
(They giggle)
⦿
In the Presidential Master Bedroom
Presidential Master Bedroom in The White House
#47 I think he really likes me. I consider him to be a close friend. Maybe we are the best friends the world has ever seen. Many people are talking about it.
First Lady You mean lick Jeffrey woz? ...I diz not lick Camelhair. She sez she hez refusing any beauty surgery plastic. Vot is wrong wizz hare?
#47 I don't understand what you are saying Ivana. Don't the people speak English in Slovakia?
First Lady Eets Slovenia! Ow many times muzz I see eets Slovenia! Anna my name eez not Ivana. Shee eez dead!
#47 Dead? When? She was the greatest wife any president had in the last 450 years. (He burps) Anyway Marla what's on the agenda for tomorrow? I've err forgotten.
First Lady The King ee will be a speaking to The Zenate and The Horse of Repre-something.
#47 I guess he'll be praising me and how I ended thirty seven wars and how my golden ballroom will be bigger and better than the one they have at Buck and Ham Palace. in London And how our economy is so great... Anyway, how come he got to be a king? I wanna be a king too. Do you think he'll give me his kingship like the nice Venezuelan lady gave me her Nobel Peace Prize?
First Lady No way The Donald. He can't do zat. An' vot about ze "No Kings" protests?
#47 That's just fake news. Didn't happen. Didn't happen.
First Lady Anyway. Time for bed. Will ve do rumpy pumpy? It hez bin a long, long time.
#47 Not tonight Ivanka, I got some truths and memes to put out on Truth Social. I'll be quite a while. America first! America first! (He emits a resounding fart)
First Lady (sighs) Oh not again. Eets every flockin' night! I am gonna my own suite. Again! Who readz your flockin' truths anyway?
(She storms out , slamming the door behind her, as #47 starts up his presidential laptop. He has another long night ahead of him)
You've outdone yourself with this post, Mr Pudding!
ReplyDeleteI tried my best.
DeleteI'm pretty sure Melania does not want to touch his junk with a ten foot pole. The thought of it gives me the willies.
ReplyDeleteWell done, by the way.
Good point but he hasn't got a ten foot pole. Far from it.
DeleteNice one.
ReplyDeleteHappy to have tickled you Andrew!
DeleteI find it hard to believe that Charles would say "my sweet dumpling" but the rest is spot on.
ReplyDeleteI have now changed the term of endearment to "mehbooba" which apparently is a private pet name that Charles has used to address the queen.
DeleteOh, I just commented below that "mehbooba" was my favorite part! I didn't realize it's an actual nickname he uses. Funny!
DeleteI enjoyed these conversations tremendously. I feel sorry for Charles and Camilla. They shouldn't get stuck with a visit to the felon and Melanoma.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie Junebug
I suspect that it is the last place King Charles would wish to be. Spiritually and intellectually he is as far from Trump as Mercury is from Neptune.
DeleteBrilliant!
ReplyDeleteI am glad that this tickled you Frances.
DeleteI know I don't have to read it, but that lot wasn't even funny.
ReplyDeleteThen let us read what your imaginary take on those bedroom conversations would be Potty. I guess you must have voted for Trump. With the benefit of hindsight - what a big mistake that was!
DeleteAll joking aside, I wonder why the King went through with his visit. After the shooting at the Correspondents dinner I think we can all at least agree that the security for this administration leaves a lot to be desired. It would have been the perfect excuse to bow out, and I'm surprised they didn't.
ReplyDeleteSome observers suspect that the "incident" at the Washington HIlton was a set up because immediately afterwards Trump was using it to prove he needs that ****ing golden ballroom for security reasons. What happened in Butler County also seems very suspicious. Most British people are proud of our special relationship with America and Trump and Trumpism will be gone quite soon.
DeleteIt's almost as if you were in the room!! But this:
ReplyDelete"Will Bunny be going down the burrow tonight my beloved?"
... made me throw up a little in my mouth.
I didn't realise you were so prudish Bob! Maybe I should say "Sorry!" but I won't.
DeleteExcellent! "Mehbooba" was my favorite part.
ReplyDeleteYou could use that term of endearment with Dave but the masculine version is "mehboob".
DeleteOh, to be a fly on the wall - but, you were!
ReplyDeleteWell The White House listening devices were, I just hacked in to their Security platform.
DeleteIt was very funny but it is rather scary we have such people to represent us. Not that I don't like King Charles but he is a bit of a silly nincompoop.
ReplyDeleteI think we are lucky to have King Charles because he is a spaniel.
DeleteHow did you get hold of this? This is dynamite. You could bring down the US government with this.
ReplyDeleteI simply hacked in to White House Security. Easy when you know how.
DeleteOh Wow!!! This is a classic. You could get a job writing for Jimmy Kimmel!
ReplyDeleteThe rest of their trip has been pretty much what both countries thought it might. All I am interested in is that dress.....I WANT the dress your "queen" wore when she got off the plane!
ReplyDelete