Darwen

I went to the other side of the hills - to Lancashire. The score was Blackburn Rovers 0 Hull City 1. At one point the Hull City end chanted "Yorkshire! Yorkshire! Yorkshire!" and I joined in. We were unashamedly taunting the Lancastrians. The War of the Roses is not yet done.

Rather than driving home in the dark, I booked a night in the Travelodge  at nearby Darwen. Besides, the weekend weather forecast was brilliant so I had decided to factor in a Sunday morning country walk to the west of Darwen. This would bring me to the little milltown's Jubilee Tower which overlooks the valley of The River Darwen. I had hoped that Shirley would join me but she's been slightly unwell the past few days with a head cold and associated frailties so sitting in a cold football stadium, followed by a six or seven mile wintry walk seemed an unwise prescription.

Curry in "The Shapla" Indian restaurant on Blackburn Road. A couple of pints of Thwaites best bitter in "The Anchor Inn" then back to the Travelodge for "Match of the Day" and a good night's sleep. How marvellous for our young Nigerian fullback - Ole Aina. Once again I saw him rise to meet the corner and head the leather orb into Blackburn's net. His very first goal for The Tigers.

In the morning I met a ruddy-faced farmer's wife on Moss Fold Road. Very kindly, she showed me through her farmyard and pointed me to the track I needed to climb in order to reach the hills above Darwen. It was such a bright winter's morning with frost silvering everything in sight.

As a walker, I find that one of life's sweetest delights is to walk in unknown territory and I had never been to either Blackburn or Darwen before. I was entering the unknown. After almost two hours I made it to The Jubilee Tower which was opened in 1898 to celebrate Queen Victoria's jubilee. There were other people up at the tower, including, quite bizarrely, members of the local judo club exhibiting their skills there on the cold moorland.

I met a local man at the very top of the tower and he told me that he had never seen so many people there in all his life. I guess it was because it was a Sunday and the winter's day was so clear and blue. What better day for a country walk? As long as you are suitably wrapped up you don't feel the cold.

Moorland

Moorland 

'Twas a rancorous day

Grey earth and sky gathering

And an arctic blast smattering

Freezing sleet

On the unshorn hummocks

Of that desolate heath.

January.

And the old winding track

Become a gushing stream bed

Oe’r which runoff gurgled

To an engorged brook ahead.

Wind lashed I splashed

Up to Brown Edge

Where an ancient cairn

Marks the way

And sheltered in the lee of it

Surveying the valley below

But all I could see of it

Was gloom as another

Blast of wet snow

Merged with the murk

Of that godless moor.

Times

"The Times". That's a name to conjure with. For two hundred years it has been one of the principal organs of the British state. It is read by politicians, aristocrats and academics. The fact that it is now owned by a snake called Murdoch doesn't seem to have tarnished its influential reputation.

Yesterday the main news story in "The Times" concerned shenanigans at Trump's White House with many insider revelations from Michael Wolff's "Fire and Fury - Inside The White House". Oh dear, Donald! No wonder your fancy lawyers are belatedly attempting to block the book's publication. I guess the truth really hurts doesn't it Donald?  Oh dear.

So there's Trump on the front page...

But what do we find in the middle of yesterday's edition? 

We find an article about food trends in 2018. This includes reference to Bosh! by the journalist William Sitwell: "...vegans now come in pairs. There is the beardy, black-shirted, plant-munching duo Bosh! (expect a book). And the Irish brothers the Happy Pear (beards and mainly doing handstands), who come with an entire food range." 

To illustrate the article there was a big picture of Ian (left) and his Bosh! mate Henry:-

My son in "The Times"! Good heavens! And he's not there for bank robbery or mass murder either!

Resolutions

Normally I don't make New Year's Resolutions, But this year I have made five. I sincerely hope I have the moral fortitude necessary to maintain these resolutions through 2018 but I know it will be a struggle.

Let me share them with you.

1) I plan to eat more pies. I very much enjoy eating savoury pies but in 2017 I only ate 68 pies. This year I plan to eat many more pies than that.

2) I plan to create less blogposts. Last year I made 319 posts which is far too many. In 2018 I want to make sure that my blogpost tally falls below 300.

3) I resolve to brush my teeth both morning and night. Now this is something I achieved in 2017 but  it's easy to neglect one's oral hygiene - especially at night. I don't want my standards to drop.

4) I plan to eat a nice piece of fillet steak with fried onions and mushrooms. I didn't have one fillet steak in 2017 and so in a culinary sense I felt unfulfilled.

5) I resolve to drink more pints of Tetley's bitter. In 2017 I only drank 611 pints and in 2018 I aim to break the 700 barrier. I hope I can make it but if any bloggers wish to sponsor me it would add extra motivation to this particular resolution.

Have you made any resolutions yourself?

Manila

This weekend I could have been flying to Manila in The Philippines to do a six month teaching job. Apparently, the school was let down just before Christmas when a teacher pulled out of an agreement to  fill a temporary post caused by a maternity leave.

I would have had my flights paid for, a nice apartment and a healthy monthly salary. I would have got to explore The Philippines and I know I could have done the job itself with my hands tied behind my back.

The kind job offer came my way out of the blue. I didn't apply for it. The source was a nice fellow called Simon who taught at the same school I worked at in Bangkok in 2011 and 2013. I was flattered that he had thought of me when this mini staffing crisis arose.

However, after mulling it over for a few days I decided not to take up the offer. There were several personal reasons for not pursuing it.

Firstly, I shall be 65 in the autumn of this year. Secondly, I still need to get the basal cell carcinoma biopsy results. Thirdly, Frances and her boyfriend will hopefully be moving into their own flat in London next month. Fourthly, Ian's Bosh! Cookbook should be launched in April. Fifthly, I have already done the post-retirement overseas teaching experience and it was a great end to my long career. Sixthly. I wouldn't want to be away from Shirley for so long even though she could have joined me for two weeks at Easter. Seventhly, I have mostly got the tedium of teaching out of my head - all those rules and the play-acting rituals of classrooms, the flawed written work you have to plough through and so on.Tedious.

Consequently, I am not going but a little part of me regrets it. I have never been to The Philippines and now it is now pretty certain that I will never be there.

Flatland

Abandoned Ivy Cottage near the hamlet of Wormley Hill

Being an enthusiastic contributor to the geograph photo mapping project has led me to lots of places in the British Isles that I might otherwise never have visited. 

Last week, as I was driving over to Hull to watch The Tigers play Fulham, I left the M18  at Thorne in order to take pictures in the watery flatland west of the motorway. In this part of South Yorkshire there are miles of rich agricultural land criss-crossed by lazy rivers, canals, drains and single-track lanes. 

Southfield Reservoir

It's not scenic like The Peak District or The Yorkshire Dales but the contrast is very interesting. People live and work in the flatland as they have done for hundreds of years. They become used to the wateriness, the big skies and the horizontal vistas. 

Brick "outhouse" at Fosterhouses

I only had an hour for my photo diversion. Next time I drive to Hull to watch my team I shall set off earlier and take in more of the flatland - factoring in a circular walk. There can be a subtle beauty in such places and the feelings that flatlands evoke are somehow different from the feelings you experience where there are hills and dales and surprises round corners.

Geeseness Lane

Between Rivers Farm

Fakery

Since Saturday night when Trelawnyd hosted the ninth annual Laughing Horse Blog Awards some scurrilous rumours have been doing the rounds via Facebook, e-mail, Instagram and Twitter. This is all fake, fake news! As the current Laughing Horse secretary, I have been asked by The Awards Committee to refute several of these malicious tales:-

1. There is no truth in the rumour that Jennifer Barlow was attended to by emergency paramedics after downing a full bottle of Jack Daniels. And it is not true that she had to have her stomach pumped in the Royal Alexandra Hospital in Rhyl at 4.25am in the morning of New Year's Eve by Dr Mohan Patel. This is all fake, fake news!

2.  The rumour that Steve Reed dressed up as Mrs Trellis in order to ensnare Yorkshire Pudding is utterly false. It is believed that Steve Reed himself fabricated this story in order to sully Mr Pudding's previously untainted reputation. This is all fake, fake news!

3. The now viral tale that  Winnie was kidnapped from Animal Helper Pat's house by Sue from Wiltshire is wrong. It is also wrong to suggest that Sue wanted Winnie to mate with her lusty Gallic hound Rick in order to produce valuable puppies. Winnie had got into the boot of Sue's car by accident. Fake!

4. Meike from Ludwigsburg was not deliberately locked in St Michael's church by Graham Edwards and she was not heard crying through the keyhole by Cameron The Teenage Boffin who allegedly rescued her after changing into his purple bodysuit and silver cape. This is all fake, fake news!

5. Briony did not grab Albert the Cat by the tail and she did not swing him round her head while singing "For Auld Langs Syne". She is an animal lover and would never treat a cat in that manner - not even after consuming several large glasses of chardonnay and eleven double G&Ts. Fake!

6. Lee from Queensland was not squashed into the boot of Mr Pudding's Korean vehicle, Clint. She did not spend the entire evening banging on the car's bodywork and shouting "Help!" in the vain hope that someone would rescue her. This is all fake, fake news!

7. Kylie from Sydney and Helen from Brisbane did not miss the bus back to The Westminster Hotel in Rhyl and they did not have to walk back nor enter the hotel's foyer at daybreak complaining about their aching feet. This is all fake, fake news!

8. Red from Red Deer, Canada - The Overall Blogger of The Year for 2017 - did not spend the night in John Gray's bedroom with American socialite Vivian Swift. Both North Americans have high moral standards and would not deign to jump into bed with someone they had just met. The fact that Ms Swift's black and amber feather boa was found hanging from the lampshade is purely co-incidental. This is all fake, fake news!

9. Derek Faulkner did not spend the entire evening in a corner of The Memorial Hall grumbling, "This is rubbish!" and "I want to go back to the hotel!" This is all fake, fake news!

10. The estimated bill for collateral damage caused to both John Gray's cottage and The Memorial Hall does not amount to anything like £8,000. It is more like £5,000 inclusive of V.A.T.. The estimate has been provided by Henry Jones and Son of Rhyl. This is true, true news!