Yesterday, Shirley and I were back at Simon's cottage, trying to clear up the detritus. Sorting through it, saving and dismissing his stuff like beachcombers.
As Simon lived with our mother for the last years of her active life, there was also some of her detritus to make decisions upon. Bits of evidence of our family life in the village. Four sons, a mother and a father - none of us thinking of death - just getting on with living. But mostly it was Simon's stuff.
Old school reports. Exam certificates. Postcards from afar. Letters that did not get thrown away. Birthday cards. Books and maps. A tin of dome-headed drawing pins. A poem. Leather belts. Fading photographs. A school badge. School ties. My father's green cricket cap from Malton Grammar School circa 1933. A pre-war theatre programme in which Mum was credited. Pressed flowers turned to dust. A cassette tape. Diaries listing the voyages that Simon made when he worked aboard small coasters that carried goods to and fro across The North Sea. Three brand new kettles. Jackets and work boots. His curriculum vitae. A purple "Gonk". Many tools old and new. Badges. A dead butterfly - a painted lady. Etcetera.
Some of the stuff will end up at the Household Recycling Centre in Hornsea. Some will be donated to charity shops in Sheffield. Some went into the waste bins outside the cottages and a few items we will keep including a brass-topped occasional table from India. Our parents brought it back to England after World War II. I am hoping that Ian and Sarah might like it.
Simon's six year old Mercedes van is still parked outside the cottages. I have no authority to drive it and we have found no paperwork connected with his ownership, insurance and maintenance of that van. It will be a good long while before we are in a position to sell it.
That's how it is. That's where we are at. Dealing with the detritus. And we will be back on Monday afternoon after my appointment to register his death in the city of Hull and to collect some death certificates which to my disgust cost £11 each.
Though tinged with sadness, clearing the detritus must be quite interesting. The van would be worth a bit. If he didn't have children and as intestate, I suppose the proceeds will end up with his siblings, and from memory that would be you alone. Melbourne in March in the best time to visit. I've pencilled you in for our spare bedroom for March 2023. I'll just tell R, Trust me. He is a bit posh, ie; he didn't work in the mines, but above all he is from Yorkshire. R will understand that.
ReplyDeleteThat's very kind of you Andrew. Dying intestate - the money should by law be split between me, my brother in France and and my deceased brother's children over in Ireland. Sadly, this is definitely not what Simon wanted.
DeleteI've concluded from having made a start on clearing up my own detritus that if you photograph or scan anything you're unsure about, it's ok to let it go because in a way you still have it. Err on the generous side. They only take digital space.
ReplyDeleteI try to be ruthless but that is not really me.
DeleteI do not envy you that task, Neil. When my grandmother died in January 2001, we had to empty the house that contained everything from the time my grandparents moved in there as newlyweds in 1933, including my granddad‘s parents and his handicapped brother. The household grew to seven when my uncle and then my Mum were born, and at some stage, a young single woman rented the attic room.
ReplyDeleteIt was a Very Big Job and not made easier by all the emotions and memories attached to everything.
I can understand your capitalisation of Big Job.
DeleteI had to help my sister clear out Dad's detritus and we were quite ruthless at the time however now, with hindsight I regret getting rid of some things.
ReplyDeleteI hope you still have a few items that remind you of your father JayCee.
DeleteLuckily I have lived a live of near minimalism so that when I go there won't be a lot of "stuff."
ReplyDeleteThat is probably a good way to live Bob.
DeleteThe Indian occasional table sounds good.
ReplyDeleteI have spent an hour cleaning it up and polishing it. It looks very good now.
DeleteSimon should have let you know where the paperwork was. It's not in the glovebox? If you don't mind me saying so, that's rude, leaving someone else to clean up your mess. He knew he was dying.
ReplyDeleteI'm often ruthless when going through things. I wish I had kept a few more of my mother's things now. I sent a lot to my brother and I was shocked when I was at his house last summer, how much I had given away. His wife was very kind and said to help myself. I picked a Hummel figurine which I grew up with and reminds me of mum.
Very unkind and thoughtless to leave that van without documents of any kind. Not in the glove-box and not under the seats. Tomorrow afternoon we will be looking again but I am not hopeful.
DeleteI think of my own children having to do this and I despair.
ReplyDeleteWe must begin the process of ditching what is unnecessary.
DeleteI'm sorry for your loss, Neil. I lost my twin brother a year ago yesterday and as executor of his will I'm still settling his estate. I was shocked to hear you had to pay £11 each for a copy of your brother's death certificate. In Canada the death certificates are disbursed by the funeral parlour and you can get as many as you need with no charge. They are very judicious and are only given to the executor of the estate. I was surprised by how many times I was requested to send one. Good luck settling your brother's affairs.
ReplyDeleteThank you Ellen. I wish that my brother had had a will like your brother. By the way, I send you my condolences. A year is not a long time.
DeleteIt's so emotional to pick through a someone's personal life.
ReplyDeleteI regularly make a start on clearing out all the things I have that I no longer need, but I'm always side-tracked by a memory or a decision to throw away or keep. Really, I need a huge skip to just throw almost everything in and leave to others to sort through and take what they like.
It is a human urge to hang on to things.
DeleteIt's inevitable, isn't it -- cleaning up after a life lived? Especially when the deceased hasn't moved very often, if at all. I hope some of what you're finding is interesting and of benefit to you or your family.
ReplyDeleteWell some of it is interesting but it tends to slow down the drive to get it all sorted so that the landlady can have her keys back.
DeleteGood luck with the cleaning out. It is a huge job and I hope you find some treasures to keep!
ReplyDeleteI found a lovely brass coffee table with a wooden base. The intricate top was brought back to England from India in December 1945.
DeleteWhat a literal and figurative mess! Simon was angry at the world and carried that out after death by leaving things up in the air. Hope you can get it all worked out!
ReplyDeleteHe has left me a lot of stuff to sort out and his dying wishes cannot be fulfilled simply because he failed to make a will.
DeleteIt is a very strange business and at times feels overwhelming. We have cleared both sets of parents' homes, starting cautiously and gradually becoming more ruthless. I hired a large skip to clear my folks' home - they had never thrown anything away! I smiled when I saw that a purple gonk was in your brother's house, makes me think that I must set too and do some clearing out! Hoping the task will become easier for you as clearing progresses.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing "Share my Garden". You know where I am coming from with this blogpost.
DeleteI'm still dealing with what to do with things of my mom (died 4 years ago) and great uncle (died 15 or so years ago). I keep whittling the pile down over time but I'm not in any hurry. I intend to savor the things and their memories for awhile longer.
ReplyDeleteWe have no room for such hesitation.
DeleteThere's a tremendous amount of work to clean up an estate. My Dad's estate was easy. He had enough money for a funeral and there was $1600 left over. We divided by four on the spot and that was it.
ReplyDeleteI have been reading and following your posts from my ipad which does not allow me to comment for some unknown reason. I am very sorry for your loss but so glad it was not too drawn out for poor Simon. Hope you manage the next tedious part without too much stress but I think that is a bit doubtful.
ReplyDeleteAs a contrast, my dear old Mum has just turned 100 !
Cheers
My parents had very little left when their time came. They lived in separate towns having divorced when I was 7, Dad had only his clothes and a few household things, like kitchenware and his furniture. My brother went up there the day after he died and brought everything back in his truck. My sister got Dad's fridge and my brother kept everything else. He had nothing I wanted. My mother gave me a few things when I visited a week before she passed away, but her house was mostly empty of "things", I suspect a few friends and neighbours who helped her in her final year also helped themselves, or she told them to take something they wanted. Again, my brother took care of everything there. He was with mum when she died, held her hand to the end. My sister is older than me and if she goes before I do, the cleanup will be a nightmare! She has kept everything she ever owned!
ReplyDeleteI'm in awe of the hard work you are doing in the midst of grief. It all must seem a little surreal. I'm sorry for you loss.
ReplyDeleteThere are many websites including the government one where you'll be able to get all the info on the car's status and ownership etc simply by entering the registration number.
ReplyDeleteI am determined to leave my affairs fully in order when the time comes - no detritus, that will be a good motto. But in truth, it is hard, I suspect, to have none at all. We shall probably meet somewhere in the middle of my wishes and reality.
ReplyDelete