15 March 2006


Dear Mr and Mrs Nobody,

I am writing with regard to an incident which took place in school on Monday of this week at around 12.20pm in our Internal Exclusion room. Your son, Warthog had been placed there by one of our Assistant Heads - Mr Moron - because of his unruly behaviour in the school reception area – at a time when he should have been in the middle of his timetabled lesson. Reception staff had complained about Warthog’s unwelcome harassment and rudeness.

At this time, I was the on-call teacher, covering for Mrs Condom. I was in the Internal Exclusion room dealing with paper work connected with classroom exclusions. Senior Teaching Assistant, Mrs Rosycheeks, was in charge of Internal Exclusion. As I did the paper work, I heard Mrs Rosycheeks putting pressure on Warthog to behave himself and shut up. Warthog was drawing an intricate picture of a marijuana leaf and Mrs Rosycheeks was insisting that this was not on. She asked Warthog to give her the offending sheet but he turned it over and pushed it to the side of his table, claiming “I always do them” and “I’m taking it home!”

Finishing my paper work and about to leave the room, I decided to confiscate this sheet of paper. It’s difficult to explain what happened next but I’ll try. Warthog was sitting at his table. Standing, I calmly attempted to confiscate the offending piece of paper but Warthog grabbed at it and the paper tore. Most of it fell to the floor. I quickly bent to pick it up and I as I did so, Warthog aggressively butted his head into the gap between the lower part of my chest and his table. He was trying to prevent legitimate confiscation of this paper. I was in the bending process and had absolutely no intention of making any physical contact with Warthog. I can state categorically that I did not “knee him” on purpose in the face. The idea is not only preposterous, it is a blatant lie. There was no contact between my knee and his head and I would argue that Warthog caused the physical collision himself by trying to prevent confiscation.

What followed was very shocking, because in front of other excluded children and Mrs Rosycheeks, Warthog proceeded to swear at me and about me in an extremely offensive manner. He used every foul word in the book. In my life, either out of school or in, I have never been sworn at like that by anybody else. He also yelled, “I’m going to get you fucking sued for this!” I understand that soon after this, Warthog was again in the reception area swearing like a trooper about me. I am sure that Warthog appreciates that in discipline terms, teachers’ hands and tongues are often tied and he was taking vivid advantage of that fact.

What I have stated above is truthful. I will be passing copies of this letter to the Head of Year, the headteacher and to school files. In this matter, it is not Warthog who is the victim – it is me. In their place of work, nobody should ever have to suffer the sort of verbal abuse that I received from Warthog on Monday. Even within the cosseted environment of a school, this abuse was clearly of an unjustified and illegal nature.

Yours sincerely,

Mr Yorkshire Pudding


  1. This is not the first time I've heard of such a thing. I'm sorry you have to go through this mischegoss. As much as I dislike corporal punishment in practice, in theory I wish that the THREAT of it would be palpable enough to quell the tiny pupils.

  2. The school district, in which my children attend, there is a bylaw in the student and teacher codes of conduct that strictly prohibits any sort of verbal or physical assault. It is enforced stronger than any other rule. There have been incidents where students have been arrested for verbal abuse. Honest to goodness. My kids know better - they also know that the consequences at home will be MUCH more unpleasant than any they may receive at school or anywhere else. It's a shame that more parents don't adopt a strong discipline routine at home. I truly believe that learning to behave properly begins in the home and the parents should be held accountable just as sternly as the student when incidents such as yours occur.

    I'm terribly sorry that happened, but I hope the little shit gave himself a nice little goose egg and headache. May this incident go away quickly and may the student be reprimanded as he should - with firm action taken by either the school or his parents or both. Do you ever miss the freedom to paddle a child who misbehaves? It was still allowable in my state until I reached high school, when a new law was passed. I remember how much better behaved almost all students were when paddling was still allowed. (yes, I believe in "corporal" punishment to a certain extent if it is truly necessary to get a point accross, effectively)

  3. Thanks Akleda and Friday for spotting that this was a real life incident. Thanks for your support. It's interesting that you both reflect on corporal punishment. I certainly do think that a fifteen year old lump like Warthog needs to understand where boundaries are and how authority is bigger, stronger and actually better than him. He needs to be taught his place or perhaps as Friday suggests, his parents need to truly understand the result of their ineffective parenting.

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  5. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I used to see kids back when I was at School do the same thing. I found it tended to be the ones who bully others though - it seems they like to try and make themselves look big, and they just don't care what the consequences will be.

  6. Very depressing reading. Good luck Y.P. What a piece of little shit Warthog does sound.

  7. I worked in Middle School for 4years. In the most ghetto area of the world. it's true.. the largest "project" IN the United States is in the area of my school. They will try anything.
    I totally sympathize. I'm sorry that this has happened to you.

  8. It's so nice to get worldwide support over this incident. Emotionally, I have been feeling strong at work so what happened with Warthog hasn't really brought me down and yet it does feel like a violation. Not unexpectedly, I also feel wronged by the system which upholds the rights of "children" and allows staff to be abused in this way. Janet, the landlady of my local pub, would definitely have barred Warty for such behaviour and yet in a school the sonofabitch is allowed to return and give out more of the same. It just isn't right. Thanks for your warm thoughts.

  9. Amazingly, this kid was actually in school...and yet sent to detention with uninterested faculty. Probably everyone's time would have been better spent had he just been smoking pot on the street somewhere, instead of just drawing the "offensive" picture (which, if confiscated, would have certainly improved the whole situation, correct??). Perhaps in the broader picture we should look at education reform. If this student's family can't point him in the right direction, then it's the responsibility of the whole community (schools, teachers) to be proactive and do so. Besides trying to sneakily grab the drawing, what would have been a different solution? One that would have yielded a less painful result for Mr. Pudding?


Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.

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