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| Rano Kau crater - at the western end of Easter Island |
Happiness. Isn't that the prime goal of every human being on the planet? Nobody wants to live in a state of misery or unhappiness.
We aspire to happiness even though it can be terribly elusive. When you have it in your grasp it can easily slip away like a fish in a boat. You pulled it in. You thought you had it and then it escaped. Slipped right through your fingers. Back into the water.
Maybe some people are more predisposed to achieving happiness than others. The capacity for happiness will often rest upon good health, secure economic circumstances and the presence of a loving family in which examples of happiness will be modelled regularly.
And yet, and yet it is possible to know happiness in poverty, ill-health and solitude. Sometimes it's just the way someone's brain is wired. Happiness just happens. You cannot choose to be happy. You cannot wake up one morning and say - I have been down in the dumps recently but I am going to be happy for the next few days. It simply doesn't happen like that. In some ways, happiness appears illogical even magical
Switching the spotlight round on me. I am not naturally a carefee, light-hearted human being - someone who skips down the street singing tra-lee-tra-la. I am generally quite serious, often morose and I feel many of the troubles of the world within me. I replay internal videos of my failings over and over and frequently wonder what might have been. That's just who I am. I cannot change myself.
With such a disposition, it's not easy to get my claws into happiness. To really hang on. Before you know it it has gone again and I am back to survival mode - trucking along just living my life. Neither happy nor unhappy - just somewhere in the middle.
I was very happy on my wedding day. I was deliriously happy on the days our babies were born. I was crazily happy when Hull City first made it into The Premier League in 2008. I was happy throughout my summer camp summers in Ohio in the mid-seventies. I was as happy as a sandboy when I descended into the crater of Rano Kau on Easter Island in 2009 and I was similarly happy when I reached Barrow Stones on the moors between Sheffield and Manchester just last year.
I think of our cats - Blizzard and Boris. Them sitting on my lap. Me stroking them and napping together late at night. Warm and contented. But is contentment the same as happiness? Somehow, I don't think so.
Looking back through the annals of this blog, I see I have blogged about happiness before. Go here and here. But I make no apology for considering happiness again. It is important to all of us.
Looking back through the annals of this blog, I see I have blogged about happiness before. Go here and here. But I make no apology for considering happiness again. It is important to all of us.
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Oh, and by the way, my father Philip would have been 105 today and my brother Paul would have been 72. They shared the same birthday.
We are all in a constant state of flux, aren't we. Happiness can jump out and shout "Boo!" But can also slide into the shadows. I think it can be cultivated but not easily.
ReplyDeleteMy wedding day, the birth of my 3 children and my 6 grandchildren are all up there as some of the happiest but for me, being given the all clear after 5 years of cancer treatment is probably the happiest.
My mother died aged just 69 by her own hand after a lifetime of "unhappiness".
I often feel how wonderful it would be to be able to make someone else happy. What a gift.
A poignant day for you,I'm sure, remembering your father and brother.
Chin up 'owd lad. X
Thank you Christima. How tragic that your mother chose to kill herself and what a terrible legacy to leave behind for her family and friends.
DeleteI hope you have a day filled with happiness today, Neil, as you remember your beloved father and brother. Happiness and sadness are often mixed together, I think. ❤
ReplyDeleteYou are very thoughtful Jennifer. Thank you.
DeleteI am working towards contentedness. It has been a slow journey but I see progress. I definitely want something more than survival mode. I am glad you revisited your happiness today.
ReplyDeletePS. Are you American? (summers in Ohio)
No Linds - I am not American but I worked as a camp counsellor in Ohio when I was a university student.
DeleteI am like you- not a normally "happy" person and it makes me so angry when people actually say that you can wake up and choose to be happy. Who wouldn't do that if it was possible for them?
ReplyDeleteBut the moments that I do feel happiness are moments I cherish. I acknowledge those moments. I am aware of them. And no, contentment is not the same thing. But contentment is good. Not feeling particularly anxious or depressed is good.
We ARE all wired differently, aren't we?
Good post, Mr. P.
This post was partly inspired by your account of your recent trip to North Carolina. I hope that does not sound too creepy!
DeleteNot creepy at all. I am honored.
DeleteI think happiness takes many forms. There's brief, ecstatic happiness when something exciting happens -- like marriage or children, to use your examples. Then there's deeper happiness, which is more like contentment or lack of want. It's a more even state, but a more fulfilling one, I think. (I would argue that IS a form of happiness, but everyone has a different definition, I suppose!)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your typically thoughtful reflection on this topic Steve. I wonder what Buddhism teaches us about the nature of happiness.
DeleteWe're all on the spectrum somewhere. Here, from one of the funniest people that ever lived, but not a happy man at all, is instant happiness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=p-IU-NQ8c14
ReplyDeleteHe was a genius wasn't he? I saw him perform in Sheffield when efforts were being made to resurrect the Lyceum Theatre which had been mothballed for many's the long year. And yes - funny does not always equal happy. Thanks for calling by again Tasker.
DeleteTom has suffered ill health most of his life and therefore we had little money relying on the state a lot of the time, but, those were the happiest times when I look back. We didn't have anything so had nothing to lose. I had three children and all of them say what a lovely childhood they had. I made loads of cakes, we all had bikes and an allotment. Pondering over happiness I think that not wanting material things keeps you happy, being satisfied with what you have and not regretting things from the past.
ReplyDeleteBriony
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Thank you for taking the time out to reflect so thoughtfully upon the nature of happiness Briony. Nobody teaches you how to be a good parent. A lot of the time you just follow your instincts. In your case it must be very heartwarming to have that feedback from your now grown-up children.
DeleteWhen you wrote your 2011 post about happiness, I probably did not know your blog yet, but I did commment on your 2016 post. It was interesting now to go back to what I said almost 3 years ago and compare it to what I would say now - pretty much the same, really.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your very personal thoughts and feelings with us, YP. I can only agree with what Jennifer and Steve have written, not because I do not agree with the others, but because their comments are more based on personal accounts which of course are not something to agree (or disagree) with.
Yes that's right. There are no right or wrong ways of defining happiness.
DeleteHappiness has never come easy to me either, brother. But, especially in my adult life, I have made a point to make myself find, follow, cherish and live a life with happiness (even if I have to struggle to find it every day.) Yes, I have known both terrible poverty and illness and I have known a good life with good health, lovely habitats and food on the table every day. No matter what, I believe that a person is responsible to find their own happiness every day and to try to help those who are in such dire straits that they cannot imagine ever being filled with happiness.
ReplyDelete...and it is worth noting that helping others can add to our own happiness. Not that that's why you do it but it is certainly a side benefit.
DeleteSteve's viewpoint most closely resembles my own - the concept of excited happiness versus daily contentment, which I consider to be happiness also. I also agree with your point, YP, about people being hard-wired for happiness or not . . . and that is rather sad. Several people close to me seem to be merely grinding along or even actively unhappy much of the time, and it does seem to be just the way they are made. I am hard-wired in the opposite direction and would so like them to be able to enjoy life more.
ReplyDeleteI suspect that your company will help to brighten those glum lives Jenny.
DeleteI understand survival mode for I feel that is where I have lived my life. If you live with depression you do question yourself and your actions or more likely non-actions, you put guilt on yourself often unnecessarily, and you must push yourself to get through each day. Happiness is fleeting but comfort and contentedness can replace it. Like you say, we are who we are and we cannot force what is not there no matter how badly we want it.
ReplyDeleteI'm pleased that this post caused you to reflect upon the nature of happiness and indeed your own nature Bonnie. Thanks for calling by again.
DeleteI reflect on mistakes and regrets from decades ago can still haunt me but on the whole I feel my baseline is happy. I'm also serious though.
ReplyDeleteThe research says our happiness baseline doesn't shift over a lifetime. It is subject to temporary ups or downs with loss, lotto wins, new romances etc but within 12 months we return to our pre-set happiness level.
I'm sorry you didn't have more time with your dad and brother. Life is cruel at times
That's interesting what you say about "baseline" levels of happiness. I was twenty five when my father died and Paul died nine years ago.
DeleteHappiness...is most elusive....fleeting...too often too timid to show its face.
ReplyDeleteA post well-expressed...giving cause to pause to ponder...
I hear you.
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