While I was happily screwing away yesterday afternoon, I hurt myself. Perhaps I should have been wearing gloves. I was screwing for an hour or so.
I was building a strong wooden structure on which to attach a 40cm convex mirror. I plan to put it on the verge opposite the wedding venue driveway. That driveway meets the main road at a dangerous bend where visibility is limited. The thought of one of the wedding guests having a road traffic accident gives me the willies. The "hurt" referred to was the popped blisters on the palm of my right hand.
Other practical jobs I have recently undertaken include painting two old wooden stepladders that will be used to display flowers - I understand. I have also painted a heavy wooden pallet on which the "Order of Day" will appear outside the wedding barn.
In addition, I have created three signs to go by the main road - directing guests to the wedding venue entrance. And I have created a simple welcome sign that will be hammered into the ground in front of the wedding barn: "Welcome to Frances and Stewart's Wedding". Stemming from all of this, I suspect that I missed my vocation as a sign writer.
I keep calling next weekend's event a "D.I.Y. Wedding". It is by no means all about turning up on the day, enjoying the celebrations and giving the wedding venue proprietor a big fat cheque (American: check). No way. Almost every element of this wedding has involved thinking through, phone calls, text messages and practical activity - just like my signs and the structure for the convex mirror.
Now I am thinking about my "Father of the Bride Speech". It may go something like this..."Hello. I am the father of the bride. Please raise your glasses to toast the happy couple...Thank you!" I am kidding of course. In fact I plan to bore the assembled multitude to death by explaining my screwing techniques and regaling them with amusing tales from Frances's childhood.
On Wednesday, I will be picking up a hire van and then driving over to Sheffield's flower market to collect many more flowers than you would find in a bunch. These will be used to decorate the church, the wedding venue, people's lapels and so forth. Rest assured that selecting the flowers is not my zone of responsibility. The only flower I want is a small white Yorkshire rose for my own lapel.
At the moment, in this unsettled month, the weather forecast for next weekend is looking surprisingly clement. God must be watching... maybe it's the fact that Stewart's father, a recently retired vicar, will be conducting the church service. Yet another D.I.Y. element.
Your daughter must be so glad to have a Dad who is not only creative but also practical-minded. I am sure everything will be beautiful, with all the flowers and your wooden signs and step ladders.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your goodwill Meike.
DeleteYou have been busy! Lucky Frances to have such a " useful" Dad!
ReplyDeleteAll Franceses have useful dads!
DeleteI love the do it yourself wedding even if only a part of it is this. We did quite a bit ourselves and it didn't detract from a lovely day.
ReplyDeleteBriony
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Did you have to research and hire a generator ten days before the big day?
DeleteIt sounds as though the whole event will be perfect judging by the amount of love and care going into the preparations. That is a lovely photo of a very handsome couple too.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how handsome Stewart will look when he returns from his boozy stag weekend in Gdansk, Poland!
DeleteLooking forward to seeing all the photos. Fingers crossed for lovely weather and no accidents!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your good wishes ADDY. When is Kay's wedding?
DeleteI'm glad that you got to screw a lot on the weekend. It's important as we age to not give up activities that we enjoy and you must love screwing to do it to the point of blisters. My god man!
ReplyDeleteHope the wedding goes well and the weather holds. And thank you for making me smile.
♥♥♥
DeleteFor a while there, I thought my mischief had not been spotted!
DeleteWhat Lily Cedar said so eloquently.
ReplyDeleteAlso- this so reminds me of Jessie and Vergil's wedding. EVERYTHING was DIY from the decorations to the cake to the beer which friends brewed. And it was incredible! It was the most beautiful wedding in the history of weddings. It was on April 13, 2013 if you ever want to go see what a North Carolina homemade wedding looks like. These DIY weddings are hard work but they are absolutely the best and most heartfelt. I know that your daughter's will be one of those.
"I swear to you, that wedding couldn't have been more beautiful if Martha Fucking Stewart had been the wedding planner and designer. It couldn't have looked more perfect if Ralph Lauren's ad team had set it up..." Unfortunately the Picasa photo link no longer works.
DeleteWell, the screwing is just about over, but I thought a guy like you would have the latest fancy dancy electric screw driver!
ReplyDeleteI have one but it is not as effective as Yorkshire muscle power Red - especially those vital final twists.
DeleteAt 55 I no longer look at pictures of couples just starting their journeys the way I used to. Plain and simple....life can be hard. These days I wish them strength and resilience along with the love we all yearn for. May they keep growing intellectually, spiritually and in self knowledge.
ReplyDeletePS. One can never get enough screws!
Thank you for your kind thoughts Linda... especially the final remark based on practical experience.
DeleteThat busy yet still a post a day.
ReplyDeleteThat's true Yorkshire grit for you Tasker!
DeleteNaughty man! I'm sure the toast you write will be memorable and well-received :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck with all the rest of the preparations. It sounds like you have been an important cog in the DIY operation.
Shirley has been the biggest cog of all. My part has been small in comparison.
DeletePersonally I think that home made weddings are far nicer than expensive, conveyor belt ones.
ReplyDeleteConveyor belt ones are, I imagine, less stressful and contain far fewer potential pitfalls.
DeleteI would love to hear your "Father of the Bride Speech" as you explain your screwing techniques. The wedding will be beautiful and I think DIY weddings are the best because of the many personal touches. Frances and Stew are blessed to have you and Shirley to help them with their special day.
ReplyDeleteStewart's parents left Sheffield a year ago to live in Bristol but they have also played their part - including a trip to France to pick up cheap booze - wine and suchlike.
DeleteI'm sure the wedding will be beautiful with lots of personal touches! And they're a lovely couple. I can't wait to see pictures of their big day!
ReplyDeleteYou might have to wait a while as I don't think I will be taking many pictures with my own camera.
DeleteYou'd better have a rest after all that screwing, Yorkie. You don't want to tire yourself out!
ReplyDeletePlease! Please! Don't make a lengthy, drawn-out "Father of the Bride Speech"...one that bore all the guests, and embarrasses the couple. Years and years ago I was a a guest at a friend's wedding. The groom's father made a speech that went on forever and ever. It was so embarrassing. I kid you not...some guests got up and went to the bar area to get themselves a drink. Guests were casting looks at each other, each thinking similar thoughts..."Just shut up!" Everyone thought the father would never stop talking!
Quote: "Rain on your wedding day is good luck because it signifies that your marriage will last. As you know, a knot that becomes wet is extremely hard to untie – therefore, when you “tie the knot” on a rainy day, your marriage is supposedly just as hard to unravel!" End Quote
I'm sure all will go well. Don't exhaust yourself before the big day.
Thank you for you honest reflections Lee. I will need to say to the guests that the bar will be closed until my speech is over and then there will be a written test to make sure that they have remembered all my points. I may need to hire security guards too.
DeleteDIY weddings are the way to go! I hope someone makes a video of that speech and puts it online. If so, you have to tell us!
ReplyDelete