Last night I visited our local pub for the first time since March 19th.
It wasn't my idea. Steve phoned me up and we met up with Bert. The elixir of life - Tetley's bitter - was not available so we had to settle for "Farmers Blonde" brewed six miles away at the Bradfield Brewery. It went down a treat.
Perspex screens were hanging above the bar on strong fishing line and there were evil hand sanitiser dispensers too. I say "evil" because the liquid inside reeks of cheap vodka mixed with paint stripper. You may stave off COVID with it but you could easily end up with a debilitating skin condition.
There were lists of rules on the tables and black and yellow striped tape on the floor and in the men's urinal there were green ticks for where you could stand to syphon your python and red crosses for where urination was not allowed.
The pub closed earlier than usual but we each managed to sup four pints and had a chinwag about manly subjects like WD40, nuts and bolts and the state of the nation. Like birds of a feather, we do not applaud Johnson or his puppeteer Cummings and we remain anti-Brexit. It's nice to bounce off like-minded people. It was easy to forget that fact in the months we have just been through.
Today, Frances and Stewart will be heading back to London after their three week sojourn in their home city. They love it here in Sheffield and would very much like to return to live here - especially with a little one on the way. As soon as they have gone, I will be driving Clint to a different pub on the outskirts of the city to meet up with two more grumpy old men. No doubt we will talk about engines, football, pandemic statistics and grouting tiles as we sink more amber liquid. Perhaps, after a couple of pints we will sing beer drinking songs.
So it's guzzle, guzzle, guzzle
As the beer goes down the muzzle
Sing out your orders loud and clear!
More beer!
And if friends should appear
We'll say, "How do, have a beer!"
Down our local in old Sheffield town.
(With apologies to the alumni of Poland High School, Poland, Ohio)
(With apologies to the alumni of Poland High School, Poland, Ohio)
Gosh. Things are happening down in your neck of the woods. Mind you bars are not like pubs up here as you know. When I first came to Scotland it was the first thing I noticed even though I had been well warned in advance. As I won't drink anything and drive (our limits are lower than in England for a start) I would rarely go to a bar now anyway. I have to leave that until I'm with 'mates' in Callander where they have something akin to pubs and I can walk 'home'.
ReplyDeleteI do not approve of drinking and driving but today's pub is only two miles away and I will only have two pints which is within the official drink-drive limit.
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Any pickled eggs or pork scratching YP? Gosh how I miss English bitter.
ReplyDeleteSorry, no pork scrtachings or pickled eggs - not even any dripping sandwiches or black pudding. I will have a pint for you today Northsider! Cheers!
DeleteI will raise a glass of German garden centre Portuguese white wine YP.🍇
DeleteI remember your post about your last visit to the pub, when (I think) you also mentioned Bert, and how you all sang "We'll meet again" at the end.
ReplyDeleteSo far, I have not yet been inside my local pub except for going to the toilet, and I am not keen on visiting a bar/pub/restaurant while there are markers on the floor and everything smells of disinfectant. But I've happily been sitting outside the pub on our beautiful market square, also to a beer garden with my sister, and eating outdoors at a typical Black Forest guest house.
As for drinking and driving, I never drive anyway... and I know my limit; nothing is as undignified as a drunk person (I almost said "woman" there, but that would not have been PC).
PS: All the best for Frances and Stewart; I hope they will be able to move nearer you and Shirley.
DeleteForget "PC", Librarian. You are right, here is nothing "as undignified as a drunk" woman. By which I mean drunk drunk. It's pitiful. Having said that, once upon a time, we were in our early twenties, I made my best female friend drunk. On purpose. To elicit (remember, when drunk you will speak the truth) what I knew already, just wanted it confirmed. Confirm she did.
DeleteAs to drink driving: My beloved, funny, adorable uncles always used to drive TO a venue and "allowed" their wives, my aunts, to take the steering wheel back home. Wonder why, don't you? Those guys had standards. No drink driving for them. And that was before it was the law.
U
Those fellows were true feminists - sharing the driving equally. Ahead of their time.
DeleteThanks for the thumbs up, Ursula. I may be old-fashioned in that respect, but whereas I dislike being surrounded by drunk people whatever their sex or gender, I find a drunk woman particularly disgusting.
DeleteThe "I drive there, you drive home" thing is still pretty much going on with many couples, even young ones, over here.
"I drive there, you drive home" seems eminently fair to me.
DeleteSinging is forbidden. Perhaps you could just hum quietly.
ReplyDeleteI think we will be out in the marquee so we can sing like Harry Secombes.
DeleteYes. WD40. It's not just a man thing. There have been moments when I wished I could WDfortify my life. Smoothing the vicissitudes. An annoying hinge making no noise any more. Well, my wish appears to have come true. My father, for the third time within the last year, swears he will never ever talk to me again. And no, he doesn't run a blog.
ReplyDeleteBeer however is definitely a man thing. I don't know where you put it. As evidenced once upon a time when my brother took me to an Oktoberfest, just South of Munich. Apart from the long tables, the long benches, and music reminding us of Beethoven and Schiller, all men are brothers and united, the size of the glasses staggering. Not to mention the queues outside the ladies. Well, what are legs for if not to cross them?
U
Legs are for sticking on Isle of Man flags and for holding up tables and chairs.
DeleteDon't knock the cheap voddie and paint stripper Big Man. When I'm on the cheap bevvy I play Ry Cooder and my wee cat jumps up for joy like it's the pope's birthday.
ReplyDeleteIs Ry Cooder a Scottish card game?
DeleteYew tryin tae be funny pal? I was at Ry's pre-weddin hootenanny in Havana; Big Fidel showed up wi rum'n'Havana cigars for the boys an lassies. If ye're talkin card games look intae the Sarry Heid onna Monday night (Saracen Head) an we'll take yer money aff ye Yorky. If ye waant a laugh we'll play Grave Robbers Frae Outer Space an Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Silver Bullet Drug.
DeleteEditor's Note: The Saracen Head is the oldest pub in Glasgay where Dr. Johnstone and Boswell stayed the night but no in the same bed, like.
Who the feck was Dr Johnstone? D'ye mean Jimmy Johnstone who played on the wing fer Scoatland n' Celtic? Perhaps you meant to write Johnson without the "t" and the "e". Nit picking I know - just can't help mesself. Sorry.
DeleteThe Scotchman who cannot spell the noble surname Johnson is a Slave to the Cheape Vodka Paint-Stripper, Sir, and the Scotchman knavish enough to impute the virility of The Saracen Head gentlemen, deserves exile to Cumbernauld on a drookit Sunday night in winter.
DeleteAs for Jimmy Johnstone aka Wee Jinky, a genius, a legend and a gentleman.
You have me wondering now whether the Saracen Head won't have to change its name because of its racist connotation.
DeleteGood point, Meike. You might have trouble persuading its patrons. What I did not say is that the clientele is made up of, well, tough guys, some of whom operate on the wrong side of the law. I have never been inside the place in my life. I favour a fancier joint in the city centre, The Rogano Oyster Bar, which has a classy Art Deco interior. It looks like the ballroom scene in Kubrick's movie The Shining. They always play Ella Fitzgerald or Sinatra.
DeleteI am intrigued. I've never heard a Scot refer to a Scotchman. A Scot or Scotsman, yes but a Scotchman? Last time I went to The Rogano and despite having booked for upstairs they had no room and put us downstairs. It was crowded, the service and food was not up to the Rogano's past standards and, given that the bill for the two of us was not that far off £200 we crossed it of our list for the future.
DeleteAlan Massie said the recondite term *Scotchman* was still in use in the 19th Century. I don't know if it was used by Barrie, S.R. Crockett and the Kailyard gang. I like it; the trendy elite like Muriel Gray would be affronted.
DeleteWhisper it. The Rogano was never noted for food except oysters in season, but it is good for a glass of Champagne and a sandwich. After seeing a movie at the Glasgow Film Theatre I took a Macau-Chinese lady to The Rogano, on a Monday night when it was quiet, but we went to an Italian restaurant for dinner.
Did you have to leave your contact details? What will you do in pubs that insist you log them with an app?
ReplyDeleteDidn't have to leave contact details. I wouldn't log anybody with an app as they could end up with a fractured skull. "Have you tried the fennel salad app?"
DeleteIt must seem strange to visit your local, usually a scene of convivial socialising, and be surrounded by perspex, tape markers and disinfectant. Not really the typical "pub culture" atmosphere that we all know and love.
ReplyDeleteIt was a bit strange and deceptive too. Already the pub's rules are breaking down - even though COVID remains a serious threat to our lives.
DeleteIt's been possible to forget the dreaded Brexit while the virus hogged all the news. I'll bet 50p that we'll be on our own with no deal come December 31st. And another 50p that if there was another referendum it would go the other way because the govt has managed to kill off so many of the people in the age and income groups that voted for it. I also imagine that many of the others now realise they ain't getting anything that was actually promised when we were out apart from losing all the benefits of being in.
ReplyDeleteYour accurate outlook masquerades as healthy cynicism Jean.
DeleteThey opened the bars in Florida and then closed them again.
ReplyDeleteI hope with all of my heart that Stew and Frances move closer to home. You're going to need to be nearer that baby.
They want it so much. Suddenly, they are both very disenchanted about life in our capital city. Sadly, Stew hasn't secured another job yet and in this Coviddy world, that is easier said than done.
DeleteNice that you got a pub outing. I still haven't had one of those, although Dave and I did eat at an outdoor cafe for lunch -- the first time we've gone out for a meal since at least March. It would be GREAT if Frances and Stew come back to Sheffield! Fingers crossed!
ReplyDeleteThey have made it their mission even though Stew is out of work. I say nothing.
DeleteI'm so happy for you to hear that your pubs have opened up! Most businesses opened up here about a month ago and so far we have eaten in a restaurant twice. It was a little different. Nothing was on the tables, we had to ask for salt and pepper when our food came. They even have it where you scan a code with your phone and get your menu on your phone now. Any way to prevent having items that could carry germs.
ReplyDeleteI do hope Frances and Stewart are able to move back to your area! How wonderful it would be to have them near, especially with a little one coming!
I hope no restaurant asks me to download a menu as I don't have a phone/
DeleteThe only "pubs" or restaurants open here are the ones that have patios - still no indoor service. They have more limited hours and there is no music allowed to ensure no singing and no loud voices. The city is doing its best to carve out more patio space - especially for those who normally don't have any. On the weekends they often close down certain streets to allow for more pedestrians and some patio space. Oh - and in most cases you have to book a table ahead of time. I have a reservation to meet two friends next Friday for lunch and a glass of wine - however, if there is any uptake in numbers (we are under 1% at the moment) or if it looks too crowded we will cancel.
ReplyDeleteCanadians are very sensible people. Red (above) and Jenny from "Procrastinating Donkey" are also Canadians and both are very sensible. In contrast, Britain is currently being led by a clown.
DeleteHow did you happen on Poland High School? It's just down the pike from me.
ReplyDeleteMy camp counselling friend Chris Kondas hailed from Youngstown and attended Poland High School. The ditty he taught me should end with:
Delete"In the cellars of old Poland High!"
Things get complicated just to have a beer.
ReplyDeleteIt should be a simple process but now it isn't.
DeleteI'm sure Frances and Stew will move when the time is right. Covid has made it terrible timing for lots of things but a drink or four must make it a little easier to bear :)
ReplyDeleteBy the fourth beer I was calling Boris Johnson a murderer - given what has happened in our care homes.
DeleteNot as helpful as I thought, then
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I was catching up on blogs and read your post, and was horrified.
ReplyDeleteI myself am a mongrel (my mum is from Yorkshire, my dad had Lancastrian roots) but live in the south, however, northern loyalties aside...
Tetley's bitter? The elixir of life? Are you insane,man?
It is one of the most tasteless beers I have ever encountered. Not as in bad taste, but as in having no flavour.
You live in the land of Timothy Taylor, Theakston, Sam Smith et al, and you voluntarily drink Tetley's?
I think the fresh air is getting to you!
(Mind you, as I have stopped drinking during the pandemic crisis, even Tetley's is starting to look delicious...aagh!)
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