14 April 2012


After Cameron's boat disappeared over the horizon, the servants trickled back to work and I headed for the social club for a bit of breakfast. I ordered freshly squeezed orange juice, paw-paw, fresh pineapple, coddled eggs and wholemeal toast with a pint mug of mellow-roasted Colombian coffee.

While I was waiting for my order to arrive, I dived in the social club pool and swam ten lengths. The water was crystal clear with a tepid bath temperature. Then I ate my breakfast on the terrace in a deafening silence, wondering what the ambience would have been like if all the emigrants who had pledged to journey here had kept their solemn promises. What merry japes we would have shared together - a conga round the pool after breakfast followed by one of Mr Brague's famous quizzes. Then beach cricket and a wet T-shirt competition for the ladies.

I decided to explore our new country a little more and headed along the jungle track towards Earl John Gray's estate. The Burmese construction team had worked hard to make a fenced compound for his livestock but there was just one lonesome turkey there called Chris - a gift from the people of Turkey. Forlornly, it was pecking in the compound dirt  with a joke sign round its neck - as if waiting for the rest of the menagerie to arrive.

I went inside the traditional living accommodation and spotted a picture of a dog on the tropical hardwood wall. Welcoming garlands of flowers on the table were already drooping and a nesting parrot had pooped on the window sill. I thought that perhaps deterioration in any neglected tropical property begins like that.

Early Gray's houseboy Maung - who looks remarkably like the singer Matt Cardle - came up dripping from the beach carrying a basket of fresh lobsters and shiny sea bream. "Where John Mr Pudding? When John come? I bored Mr Pudding. I wanna serve Mr John. Do whatever Mr John say."

"I'm sorry Maung," I said. "It looks like Mr John will not be coming after all."

Maung showed me Earl Gray's bedroom - a big bamboo bed with a scarlet pure silk cover - beautifully embroidered with a traditional Burmese dragon design. From his elevated bedroom window there was a lovely view of the bay - right across to Pudding Towers.

"Why? Why Mr John no come?" asked Maung.

But I didn't know the answer
Kitchen/living area Earl Gray's Residence, Blogland


  1. It must be a blissful existence if even the eggs are coddled. I prefer mine roughly poached.

  2. This is hilarious. can't wait for the next installment. lol

  3. MR PARROTS You're right, it is a blissful existence...but a little lonesome too.
    BRIONY C.C.C. Oi! This is reality, not "Women's Weekly" tha knows! You could have been here if you'd only signed up in time.

  4. Why does John need such a wonderful kitchen if meals are provided at the social club?

  5. JAN BLAWAT Residents were to have choice - either communal eating at the social club or private meals at home. Don't worry Jan. The same sort of designer kitchen/living area is to be found at Blawat Ranch to the east of Blogland. You've also got a hot tub on your deck to ease some of your podiatric issues.

  6. I'M COMING mAUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I'M COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Hot tub eh? That sounds good. Do Keith and I have one too? I'm still trying to escape but I don't think I'll be there any time soon.

  8. EARL GRAY No! That's what you would have been saying if you were in Blogland tonight!
    JENNY Yes you do have a hot tub and steps down to the beach and your own sailing dinghy and a massive fridge for your alcohol - sorry Jenny - here it's vital to even keep red wine in the fridge!

  9. HELEN Please don't cry. Soon I shall go and inspect the villa that you and Tony would have occupied until your eventual demise. To cheer yourself up why not order a copy of "Currie's Diaries" by your body double - Edwina Currie.

  10. Oh YP, I just looked her up and I can see the resemblance !!!
    SOB,SOB !!


Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.

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