Formerly known as Lampi Island, the Blogland community dwellings were all constructed in the fertile north of the island. The southern tongue of the island is quite mountainous and the jungle there is almost impenetrable.You will be happy to know that I have arrived safely - greeted to a tumultuous welcome by the assembled servants. Together we stood outside the social club. I made a speech apologising for the non-appearance of other emigrants and then there was a rousing rendition of "Island of Dreams". Later, at Chez Nous, in order to fully orientate myself, I decided to draw the map above with some help from my personal assistant - Miss Thuza. Stars are twinkling above the Andaman Sea and I can hear night birds in the forest. The absence of vehicular noise pollution is palpable - so peaceful. Miss Thuza is plumping up my pillows. Just one single malt on the verandah and I shall retire for the night. It's been a long journey.
Oh, I am so glad you arrived safely....I did try to stick to the schedule that you put forth, but unfortunately, the one thing that I have forgotten to ask you low these many months of our planning was whether or not there would be any medical professionals on the island (with the exception of John, of course.)? Or, lest there not be any medical professional, (other than John, of course) would there be internet access to physicians who would be able to help us out, if need be? You see, I don't see well and am in need of procedures to my optics at regular intervals. Therefore, I am now in Boston having my eyes fixed so that I can join you and my friends at the earliest possible date.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I am so pleased with the location of my hut and with the whole setup of the island paradise as depicted in the above drawing. See you very soon, Mr. Pudding!
I am typing this from the library in this godforsaken prison I have ended up in.
ReplyDeleteI am in hiding at the moment as FELLOW CELLMATE CHUNG LEE (who has the somewhat worrying nickname of BIG DONG)HAS TAKEN A SOMEWHAT UNHEALTHY ATTACHMENT TO ME!!!
I am flabagasted that you have not contacted the British Consul or even had a whip round to try an secure my freedom.....
typical... its a case of OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND.....
self self self YP!
AND TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY I NOW SEE THAT MY SMALL BUNGALOW ON THE ISLAND IS THE FARTHEST FROM THE SOCIAL CLUB!
bollocks!!!!
Well, John, I assume that you will be in charge of livestock, right? I am sure Mr. P. put you up there so the smells and the shagging that you have recently and colorfully related to your followers would not disturb or the fine senses of the residents. Isn't that right, Mr. Pudding?
ReplyDeleteI'm still on the run after posting about Bessie Braddock as instructed. The Liverpudlians sent a hit squad round to steal the wheel covers off Mrs P's car. (The very last bit is actually true)
ReplyDeleteI will get to Blogland eventually, but I have a question. Why has Pudding Palace got a bloody great fence round ut?
MOUNTAIN THYME You are perfectly right about the location for Earl Gray's estate. Also there's a natural spring on the property so we thought that this would make animal husbandry easier for him. Regarding medical support - you shouldn't have worried. Your intended neighbour Mick is one of Britain's leading eye surgeons.
ReplyDeleteJOHN GRAY See above. Also it is not a "small bungalow". Your architect-designed villa was deliberately created to be one of the most outstanding properties in the new republic. We know how bolshy you can be.
SHOOTING DRUGS My humble villa does have a security fence round it it's true but is it to keep others out or to keep me and my servants in? Now there's the question. Liverpudlians stole your wife's wheel trims? Next you'll be claiming that some Liverpudlian football fans arrived late at Hillsborough and stormed through the gates! Outrageous!
All 287 of us on the jumbo jet, plus the pilot and the co-pilot and all 17 flight attendants, were providentially rescued by a passing pirate ship which deposited us in Miami Beach and continued on its way. One of the flight attendants volunteered to become the love slave of the pirate captain after noticing his remarkable resemblance to Gene Simmons of the rock group Kiss, and he will be missed.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I no longer have the funds or desire to go to Blogland, but seeing that you live in a gated community with a private beach and I would be living next to the sewer plant, it's probably just as well.
I'm so glad you've arrived safely, and appear to be in a better mood. This was beginning to sound like a Jim Jones endeavor, with beer instead of kool-aid. I will be over as soon as I get my passport. I applied for it as soon as you announced our travel plans, but it isn't here yet. The island seems lovely, I adore my nice large chicken yard. Keep the lights on for me.
ReplyDeleteI have no proof that the thieves were Liverpudlians, but Mrs P's wheel trims were indeed stolen yesterday. We're not sure why as they were hardly collectors' items. I suspect they're now being used for a game of scrote frisbee.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm not happy. I thought we were all supposed to be equal in this community, so why have you got a private beach??? I think I may have to reconsider.
ReplyDeleteSHOOTING PARTS I suspect that Liverpudlians may use metal wheel covers as bowls for their scouse stew.
ReplyDeleteJENNY I find jealousy to be one of the least attractive human traits. Think of me as the Tony Blair of Blogland and think of yourself as the infant nation's Clare Short.
Good afternoon.
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I love my cottage location, by the way, right between Helsie and Daphne. I know I'll love being their neighbor. And the social club is within my limited walking distance! I don't mind that you have a private beach. I wouldn't mind if you made yourself king of the island. You didn't pick a very compliant group to rule over, though. In fact I suspect our homeland governments might be paying you under the table to take us away.
ReplyDeleteIf you see yourself as the Tony Blair of Blogland, I'm definitely not coming - and I am unanimous in this!
ReplyDelete(Who's for a revolution, then?)
I'm just happy to be so near to the beach. Everyone else's comment is really thoughtful but I'm just going - - PALM TREES! SEA! HURRAH!
ReplyDeleteAnd I love the map, by the way!
ReplyDeletewell if I don't even get a beach side terrace I'm glad I didn't pay the ninety odd quid or whatever it costs for a passport!
ReplyDelete