Several regular visitors to this humble Yorkshire blog have revealed how important their siblings or particular siblings are to them in their lives. A sibling always gives you something different from a friend and though you might divest yourself of a friendship, you can never fully break free of a sibling. Other friendships can be made but you cannot create new siblings.
My wife Shirley has one sister - Carolyn - who unexpectedly became a widow in 2011. Not a week goes by without the two of then nattering on the phone. It's like an endless conversation with breaks in between. I am sure this sororal relationship strengthens their self-confidence in everyday life. It's comforting to be able to share pretty much everything with your sister or brother.
I only have one sibling left - my brother Robin who resides in south western France with his girlfriend Susie. We might only speak on the phone once a month but when we do, the conversation will invariably bounce along for over an hour. We respect our differences and we share many memories. It always gives my batteries a boost when I talk with him.
Earlier today a brown envelope dropped on our doormat. It came from Sheriff Hutton near York where my late cousin John dwelt with his wife Ann. It contained two family photos - John was very keen on family history and had gathered a lot of genealogical information over countless hours.
The picture at the top is I think from 1957 showing me in the centre with my three brothers and at the top that's a studio picture of my father with his three siblings. I estimate that that picture was taken in 1925 when dad would have just turned eleven. He's top left with his hand on his sister Evelyn. Sitting to the right is my Uncle Jack who was killed in World War II. Previously, I blogged about him here. Standing to the right is my Uncle Frank about whom I know very little. There was a fourth half-brother called Uncle Tom who was older than my father and as far as I understand was born out of wedlock. He became a lovely man and was a fine uncle too.
And you dear reader, what of your siblings?
I am the oldest of three. I am followed by a brother and then my sister. We all live within a short drive of each other and my brother is walking distance.
ReplyDeleteNone of us are close but we would be there for each other in a crisis.
I miss my sister but she is such a busy person....
I am a little sorry to learn that you are not "close" because I surmise that you would be a great sister.
DeleteI have two brothers. I always wished for a sister and envy those who have one. Since our parents died we don't connect as often but when we do that connection is there. I feel sorry for only children.
ReplyDeleteYes, "only children" may experience a sibling-sized gap in their lives and many are painfully aware of that.
DeleteI'm an only child. I always wished for siblings, especially a brother. It was not to be.
ReplyDeleteNow in middle age I'm close to my sister in law which is nice. I have a brother in law that I love, too, although we don't see him as often as we'd like.
Having siblings creates a sense of being less lonely in the world. You are welcome to adopt me as your big brother.
DeleteI live away from my siblings and don't see them often but when we get together it's as if we've never been apart.
ReplyDeleteThose devilish Kline brothers who ran amok through the mean streets of Esk!
DeleteI am the Middle child of three. My sister, 16 months older than I, passed away in 2015 from lung cancer.
ReplyDeleteI now have just a brother who, shall we say, is far, far less liberal than I; as I like to observe , he's have been at the US Capitol on January 6 but was too cheap to pay for the trip.
I love my brother, but he is not one I would consider as a friend.
I doubt you would want to talk politics with your brother. Mind you, are The MAGA mob capable of talking politics?
DeleteShouting politics is more like, and then not listening to a word you say because Thing 45 says it's not true.
DeleteTo the MAGA mob, Thing 45 is like Mary Poppins or Dr Doolittle or Mowgli in "The Jungle Book". He can do no wrong.
DeleteYou haven't really changed much since you were a small child. It was easy to pick you out.
ReplyDeleteI have twin sisters who are sixteen years older than me and don't seem to realize they have a younger sister. One is unpleasantly religious and the other has a brain injury from when she was hit by a truck at the age of 12. They are identical twins but even in their baby photos I've never had trouble telling them apart.
I also have a younger brother who is difficult, I don't know a better way to explain him. He was addicted to weed when he was younger and I think that was part of it. I like his wife a great deal but my brother, you can't close to him sadly.
I have adopted sisters throughtout my life and love those adopted sisters very much. They've also been much more supportive than my own family ever was.
There's been too much hurt in your family Nurse Lily. You have been so unfortunate and it's really not fair but in his infinite wisdom God does not appear to give a flying **** about fairness. Thank heavens you have the adopted sisters to count on.
DeleteAs you note, there is a lot unsaid but still fundamental with siblings. Years ago when my younger brother
ReplyDeleteAre you Will? I think so. You appear to have been cut off in mid sentence.
DeleteI have one sister and three brothers. One brother was adopted away at birth because dad was not his father and the youngest brother died after falling asleep on his motor bike. I have never met the adopted brother, though my other brother has. None of my brothers has the same father as me. When I was very young (7) my mother left us and took my sister and brother with her. The youngest brother was born after that time. Eventually, the brother and sister came home again, supposedly to visit, but they stayed and we got on well enough but after years apart the family connection just wasn't there anymore. I still see both of them, but not often and conversation doesn't come so easily as it should since we all have different memories.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine how such a chequered and uncertain upbringing might affect someone in adulthood. Thank you for sharing the headline details of what happened Elsie.
DeleteAs you know, I am the younger (by 14 months) of two sisters. We have no brothers. You also know that my sister and I are very close, although as children we bickered a lot. To this day, we do not always see eye to eye, but that does not mean we don't love each other. My Mum, my sister and I all live within 10-15 minutes walking distance from each other, which became more important than ever during the past five years.
ReplyDeleteWith O.K.'s sister and her husband, I have a very good relationship. With my late husband's sisters in Yorkshire and Derbyshire, we feel like "real" sisters and are very close, too.
I consider myself extremely fortunate in having not just one, but three loving families.
All these relationships have helped to make you the lovely human being you are Meike. They give you extra strength.
DeleteI am an only child and have always longed for siblings and now I am widowed it can get quite lonely. However have two very good friends who unfortunately live some 60 miles away in either direction and who I barely see more than once a year, one of whom texts me every day.
ReplyDeleteGo and see her in the new year or invite her to your house for a long weekend. She's like the sister you never had.
DeleteWell coming from a broken family, and being adopted gave me a different facet of life. I have learnt this fact a few months back, that my birth mother had nine children - but I missed out there thank goodness ;)
ReplyDeleteNine children! Wow! I can only half-imagine what your early life must have been like but reading your blogposts and listening to your voice I guess you had a great upbringing with a kindly couple.
DeleteBoth my ex-husbands had eight siblings each and both were the middle child.
DeleteI am the eldest, followed by a sister then a brother. I also have a half sister (different father) and two stepbrothers. My sister and I squabbled all the time as we were growing up but are much closer now. We don't hear from the others at all so it is just the two of us. That's good enough for me.
ReplyDeleteJust to have one sibling you can love and depend upon is like treasure.
DeleteWeren't you a chubby cheeks. I am not a friend of my siblings but we all get along and have never really had issues between us. Among the fractured families I see, I am quite proud of that. Of course as the oldest son, I insist on being paid due respect. Oh, wow. I've just realised I am the oldest in my extended family. I need to be treated as a wise old owl. Fucking rich old gay c*** Auntie Andrew will simply not do. I demand respect.
ReplyDeleteWhat you need is a rocking chair and a pipe with scatter cushions on the floor beneath you so that your siblings and members of your extended family can sit or kneel upon when they come to pay homage to The Wise One.
DeleteI am one of five - one older brother and 3 younger sisters but there is less than 4 years between the first 4 of us so my mum was kept busy! We see each other now and again and always enjoy doing so though 2 of my sisters live in England and my brother and other sister in our home town and my husband and I live in a different part of Scotland.
ReplyDeleteThat's great that you are all still in contact with each other and have nourished your sibling connections through the passing years.
DeleteI have two brothers and a sister, all older than I am. My oldest brother doesn't talk to me, and I am not sure why. My middle brother retired after 43 years with with the Walt Disney Company in Orlando. My sister is widowed and lives in Indiana. My sister has to sons, the only children the four of us have. A short branch of the family tree.
ReplyDeleteHow sad that your oldest brother's silence is a mystery to you. Which character did your brother play at Disney? 43 years is a long time to dress up as Pinocchio day after day.
DeleteI am an only child. I can't say that I ever longed for siblings because I had friends and was close to one cousin, my mother's sister's son. My mother and her sister were always very close, and when married lived not far apart. My husband too was an only child, so I don't even have any in-laws.
ReplyDeleteThank heavens for that cousin Carol. Is he still with us and have you kept in touch?
DeleteNo, sadly he died in 1996.
DeleteToo young.
DeleteWell, my youngest brother and I have not spoken in years. In fact, he moved and did not tell me. My middle brother and I are in vague touch, as is the case with the brother right below me in age. Great, right? I think our childhoods were so horrid that none of us can stand to be reminded of any of it. And this is the reason that my life's dream was to have a family who loved each other dearly and that dream has come true. My children all love and support each other fiercely.
ReplyDeleteThey may not entirely realise that the love they share has much to do with what went before.
DeleteI am lucky that my 2 brothers and my sister all live in the same town that I live in. I see my sister more than my brothers but we are always there for each other when needed. I have an older brother, then me, then my sister, and lastly my sweet baby brother.
ReplyDeleteTheir closeness must give you extra strength Ellen.
DeleteMy only brother died aged 36. His family, including the grandchildren he never knew, live in Sussex and we have drifted apart, having little in common. But my cousins are more like siblings because my father and their mother (his sister) were close, and we have the kind of long phone chats you describe.
ReplyDeleteI may have read this in your blog before but for the life of me I cannot recall how your brother died - and so very young.
DeleteI am one of two, from a long line of just two siblings. My relationship with my younger brother is more like you and your brother. We live a long ways apart so don't see each other often and maybe talk on the phone once a month if that, but we have no problem conversing for an hour during those conversations. We are still close though and if necessary, I would hop in the car and be there by the wee hours of the morning if asked.
ReplyDeleteAmerica is such a big country and many modern families are similarly dispersed. It's good that you still talk and feel so easy doing that.
DeleteI'm an only child. I could do with a sibling or two just now. My dad has been in hospital for three weeks with internal bleeding. Its hard, sitting by his bed, day in, day out with no-one to share the journey.
ReplyDeleteIve just been diagnosed with pernicious anaemia and could really do with a sibling to give me a hug.
Not easy on your own when you yourself are not 100%. My best wishes to you as you push through this trying time Christina.
DeleteMy only sibling died recently at age 90. We had a distant but loving relationship.
ReplyDeleteI remember this from your blog Bruce.
DeleteMy sister, who was my best friend in life, died almost eight years ago and I still miss her terribly. I have two brothers (we text often, share lots of reading recommendations and jokes, and play online games), but it just isn't the same. I could talk to my sister about anything.
ReplyDeleteI suspect she died knowing how much you loved her and how important your support was to her.
DeleteI am the second oldest, oldest girl of a family of 10, born about a year apart starting in 1948, after WW II. My father was Boston Irish Catholic, my mother Bible Belt Baptist from Missouri, in the middle of the country. They met during the occupation in Frankfurt, Germany. My mom converted to Catholicism before marrying. There are only 6 of us left now. We started talking on the phone weekly during the COVID lockdown, and continue zooming together two times a month, more or less. We were always friendly, some more than others, but the phone calls have brought us closer and made us more aware of each other's daily lives. We get together about once a year for a sibling reunion.
ReplyDeleteWhat great old photos.
ReplyDeleteI have a brother, four years younger. I also have a step-brother and -sister, who were the children of my stepmother before she married my father. My dad adopted them, so they are legally my siblings as well.