Tension rises as viewers tune in to learn the results of yesterday's exciting general knowledge quiz. A shiny golden envelope is handed to the compere - the dashing Mr Humphrey Pudding who is wearing a lime green suit with orange bovver boots. The audience applauds like a herd of wildebeest thundering across the plains of Africa.
Humphrey rips open the envelope and carefully reads the following:-
- Who played Rhett Butler in the 1939 film, "Gone With the Wind"? Clark Gable
- In Indian and Pakistani cuisine, what does the word "murgh" mean? chicken
- A castrated bull is called a bullock but what is a castrated ram called? wether
- If John Lennon was still alive today, how old would he be? 75
- Which of the planets lies between Saturn and Neptune? Uranus
- What is the two word French term for custard with burnt sugar on the top? crème brûlée
- Beatrix Potter published "The Tale of Timmy Tiptoes" in 1911, but what kind of creature was Timmy Tiptoes? squirrel
- What does the Latin term, "tempus fugit" mean? time flies
- How is Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta better known? Lady Gaga
- Which African country's flag is red with a black bordered green pentagram in the middle? Morocco
More thunderous applause as Humphrey begins to read out the order of merit, making sure that there are plenty of long, dramatic pauses with tense heartbeat music accompaniment. "In joint seventh place with zilch come Red of Canada, Lee of Australia and Mama Thyme of USA....(big pause and music) In sixth place we have Terra.... In fifth place with 3/10 it's....the delectable Ms Alphabet Soup. In joint third place with 4/10 (another big pause and thirty seconds of heartbeat music) it's feisty Jan Blawat and Father Adrian who may I say make a lovely couple! And after much deliberation in joint first place with a massive score of 5/10 we have....(pregnant pause and drum roll) Frau Meike and Nurse John Gray!"
Shiny glitter falls from the studio ceiling and grinning like chimpanzees a delighted Meike and John step on to the stage to receive their matching designer trophies:-