6 September 2018
On the wall
CHELSEA So what's in your sandwich?
WHITNEY I've got roasted llama and pomegranate with chicory.
CHELSEA Mine's Sicilian sun-blessed tomatoes with mature Swiss goat's cheese and Hampshire water cress.
At the hole
BRETT Come on Jordan! Keep passing the sand. We've got to finish burying him before the sea comes up.
JORDAN But he's your little brother! Why should I have to do all the work Brett?
BRETT Well I helped you to bury your grandma yesterday! So get moving you lazy arse!
At the wooden groyne (sea defence)
MAUREEN Don't look now Dave but there's a fellow with a camera over there.
DAVE What's he doing?
MAUREEN Taking pictures of course. Oo! He's a handsome devil!
DAVE I hope my missus doesn't see em.
MAUREEN And I hope my Bob doesn't either.
DAVE Where does Bob think you are?
MAUREEN I told him I was going to stay with my sister Briony in Brighton.
DAVE I told my missus I was going fishing on the Norfolk Broads with the lads.
MAUREEN Tell her you caught a big trout!
DAVE More like a killer whale!
DAVE and MAUREEN Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Last night, we lay down on sunbeds and watched Mrs Moon rise like a tangerine over The Aegean Sea. To capture the beauty of the scene fa...
Chavs being chavvish. Just the other day, I spotted a male "chav" down by the local Methodist church. He was wearing a Burberrry ...
So there I was standing in the kitchen of our son's terraced house. Something caught my eye outside in his little urban garden. It was a...