I heard a whisper that fresh supplies of toilet rolls and hand sanitiser would soon be delivered to my local "Lidl" store. I grabbed my coat and hightailed it over there.
"What's the hurry?" grumbled Clint who had been dozing in the afternoon sunshine.
We screeched into the car park and I rushed to bag a trolley then sped into the store. To my horror, I discovered that a crowd of shoppers were gathering at the toilet roll section as supermarket employees attempted to re-stock the shelves. It was pure chaos.
Being a big lad with bulging biceps, I managed to elbow my way through the other customers and grabbed an armful of toilet roll packs. Then I went back for more. There was even a toilet roll tug of war with a Russian lorry driver called Olga. No gentlemanly decorum I'm afraid. Needs must.
From the corner of my eye I saw boxes of hand sanitiser arriving from the stockroom on a big trolley steered by Ray the assistant manager. He gave me a knowing wink and a quick thumbs up. Before he could even rip open the cartons I had grabbed three boxes - each containing a hundred "Medex" hand sanitiser dispensers.
It was "mission impossible" but I managed it. The checkout woman asked if I really needed so many toilet rolls and so much hand sanitiser but I was not prepared to legitimise her question with a response. I tapped in my PIN number and paid the £327 requested.
Driving home in Clint's cabin, I was surrounded by toilet rolls. The hand sanitiser was in the boot (American: trunk).
When I got home, Shirley was flabbergasted.
"What the hell have you bought all that for? You must be mad!"
"I'm going to be an entrepreneur my dear! Gonna make lots of dough."
Exclusive offer to all Yorkshire Pudding visitors:-
Single toilet roll (white) - ONLY £3.50 (US $5.00)
Hand sanitiser dispenser (500 ml) - ONLY £8.00 (US $10.00)
Add £2.00 postage and packing for each order (Great Britain) or $10.00 (US)
Send all orders to Yorkshire Pudding Enterprises. Act quickly while stocks last.