24 September 2015

VW

WINTERKORN I must insist that the following agenda item remains top secret. If the matters that are to be revealed should leak into the public domain, it would surely cause tremendous damage to the reputation of our company. Now over to Helmut whose software team, I am sure you will agree has come up with an ingenious solution to the American emissions issue!
(Guffawing laughter from the rest of the board)
SCHWEIN Damned Americans!
HELMUT  Gentlemen. If you study the papers I have placed in front of you you will see that we have found a way of doctoring the onboard software so that emissions outputs during official testing will appear to be four times lower than in normal driving conditions.
SCHWEIN You beautiful man Helmut! You mean it's roughly the same process that we have been employing in Europe since emissions testing began?
HELMUT Precisely but with a little tweaking.
WINTERKORN With the cleverly depressed emissions results our green credentials will not be impaired and we can bolster sales across North America just as we did in The European Union and Asia.
ENGEL But what about the hidden impact on the environment and on people's health in urban areas!
SCHWEIN Don't be such a softie Engel! This is business my friend. Besides the relationship between diesel emissions and respiratory difficulties is not entirely proven. 
WINTERKORN I agree with Herr Schwein. It is essential that we develop strategies that defeat the march of dimwitted environmentalists and the governments that have been drawn in by their absurd propaganda!
SCHWEIN I propose that we move forward immediately with Helmut's ideas if we are going to advance sales to the next level.
WINTERKORN All in favour say "ja".
REST OF BOARD  Ja!
WINTERKORN Now before I draw this meeting to a close gentlemen and err... Frau Sexk├Ątzchen , can we rise to sing the company song
MEMBERS OF THE BOARD
For mighty Volkswagen
Let's all raise a flagon
Das Auto! Das Auto!
The People's Car!
________________________________________________________
And they say that crime doesn't pay!

15 comments:

  1. That bloody egg! It always hits the mark, doesn't it! Right on the face!!!! Splat!!!

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    1. Yeah - Splat!!!! Egg on their effing faces but they will still come up smelling of roses Lee!

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  2. Yorkie my partner and I were discussing this yesterday . The consequences of this on VW the brand is monumental. Already class actions etc . I think it is one mighty mess.

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    1. When car companies make genuine mistakes we can more or less forgive them but in this case VW have been deliberately and institutionally fraudulent. When will someone be arrested and imprisoned?

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    2. Yes totally fraudulent Yorkie. I wander what the consequences will be and if someone will be charged.

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  3. You just know the paper shredders are working overtime at company headquarters that manufacture other brands of cars this week. When one gets a great idea, they all use it.

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    1. Paper shredding! Paper shredding! Oh how sweet that shredding seems to me! - Marie Osmond

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  4. I can't help but think this will be the downfall for VW. A social media led public backlash is unforgiving. You should see what is happening to the 711 brand here in AUS at the moment due to some unscrupulous business practices.

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    1. Nein Frau Carol! Das VW brand ist grosser than 7/11. VW vill rise again. World Domination ist our aim!

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  5. This is a huge topic here in Germany, of course; we've been discussing it at work in the canteen, at home and everywhere. They really thought they'd get away with it, didn't they! And surely nobody believes a word of it when Herr Winterkorn insists that he didn't know and is not to blame... noooo, of course not!
    I've met him three or four years ago at a Max Planck institute's event and find him... remarkable unremarkable.
    Last night on telly the main news had a feature about many of the other big car brands having been revealed as cheating, too. Well, who would have guessed...

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    1. When will there be arrests? These people are like Teflon-coated bankers. VW, like Mercedes has been a jewel in Germany's industrial crown but now it is cracked.

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  6. It is terrible, but not surprising. And, I guess that is the most terrible part. That nobody is surprised that a big company would endanger people and their lives in order to make some more money for the top management.

    Now, I am wondering why our government is not arresting people at GM over the faulty ignition switches which they themselves have acknowledged have directly killed over 100 people. Could it be that our government once bailed out that car company and are still intimately involved with them?

    Again, we look at a crime like this and say how horrible it is and what can be done about it and then the next day or week.....we go on about our own business and forget about it. I think that makes us a sad lot, indeed.

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    1. White woman does not speak with forked tongue!

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  7. Where have you disappeared to, Yorkie! Did you go off on a walk and fail to leave a breadcrumb trail to help you find your way back home again? I hope you're okay...you're not often missing in action this long!!!

    Such behaviour will not be tolerated!

    When you return we do expect you to bring along a note with you bearing a full explanation of your absence!

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    1. Please Miss Lee do not thrash me with your rod!

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