12 July 2013


I don't like going up to bed when the computer is still on. I like to make sure that it has shut down properly and made its final sigh. But occasionally I find myself waiting for Windows Updates. You know the kind of thing - Don't power off or unplug your machine - Installing Update 1 of 324. 

On Wednesday night I stayed up far too late trying to craft my poem "No Going Back". In fact it was round about two o'clock in the morning when I reeled away from the computer only to see that damned Updates message popping up again. Update 1 was over quickly, but Updates 6, 8 and 15 seemed to take absolutely ages, that little loading wheel spinning round and round maddeningly like a miniature catherine wheel. Finally, finally at about two thirty five, the computer powered off and I could go and get some sleep.

I have absolutely no idea what these hideous Updates are all about or why we need them. It doesn't seem possible to press an opt-out button - "Nah! Not today thank you!". Why can't they update in the middle of a computer session? Why must they wait till the very end? And there seems to be no pattern to these Updates. Days and days can go by with no Updates at all and then suddenly there's a whole bunch of them.

Does anyone share my irritation about Adobe Updates or Skype Updates too? I am starting to think that this updating malarkey is  a subtle kind of marketing - making you feel that you are in league with a conscientious organisation that is constantly improving its product. What would happen if we were all somehow able to bar Updates? Would our computers crash? Or would computer sessions just trundle along as before?


  1. Mr Grumpy here.
    No I use the free MS security and most of the updates are security related. If it takes more than a few minutes then can you let me know what you have been browsing?

  2. PS. I just let it get o with it and go to bed.

  3. On my Mac, Adobe Updater shows what needs to be updated and I can pick and choose what I want, or IF I even want to mess with it at all.

  4. The updates are the one's that stay in your memory. The downdates are the dogs that definitely don't.


  5. I have my Windows updates switched off on the advice of the Toshiba tech who fixed my last problem. He says they cause more trouble than they're worth and are aimed at high end tech stuff anyway.

  6. Mr. Pudding. Click on your "Control Panel" then double click "Automatic Updates." When that popup comes up, change "Automatic" which is the default to "Notify me but don't automatically download and install."

    That way you will get a notification when an update is available but can actually run the update whenever you want.

    One caveat - the little notification icon which is a shield on your toolbar will disappear at times if you wait quite awhile about updating. No worries it will reappear often enough.

    You should run those updates occasionally because some of them address new cures for new viruses as well as real advances in technology.

    Hope this helps.

  7. GCHQ always use the numbers 6, 8, and 15.

  8. For your computer, being updated is like getting a manicure and a new hairdo. If you neglect its little pleasures expect a backlash.

  9. ADRIAN GRUMPY I have been browsing a controversial site called "Adrian's Images". What it the computer goes into terminal meltdown when you go to bed?
    JAN BLAWAT I am sure your blog is secretly sponsored by Apple.
    LETTICE LEAF A slightly obtuse response. You know you shouldn't have supped an entire bottle of Pimms with your strawberries!
    HELEN I didn't know you could switch 'em off. Thanks.
    DAVID OLIVER Thanks for that tip. I shall follow your advice.
    CRO MAGNON Don't you mean six, huit and cinquante? Rumour has it that it was GCHQ's intelligence that drove you to France.
    GORILLA BANANAS Errm, I have never had a manicure or a hair-do in my life but I take your point!


Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.

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