My beloved daughter has an "Alexa". She got annoyed when I played around with this Amazon virtual assistant. I just couldn't help myself. Alexa is a great toy.
"Alexa - How do you spell Alexa?"
"Alexa - Play The Birdy Song."
"Alexa - What lies beyond the end of the universe?"
"Alexa - Make a burping sound."
The beloved daughter decided to bar me from speaking to her Alexa. I think she must have said "Alexa - don't ever respond to my dad's voice again!"
Consequently, I considered buying my own Alexa but the cost was prohibitive. We Yorkshire folk get heart palpitations when the very idea of parting with our money becomes a possibility. Anyway, I googled around and found a cheaper alternative to Alexa. She only cost me £11 and she's called Brenda.
As soon as she arrived, I unpacked her, plugged her in and pressed the switch. Brenda speaks in a mid-Lancashire accent and she's got attitude as I soon discovered. Here's just a sample of recent questions.
Q "Brenda - What is the capital of Portugal?" A "How the hell should I know? Do I look like an atlas?"
REQUEST "Brenda - Play 'Song for Adam' by Jackson Browne" RESPONSE "No way. I don't like his stuff. I prefer Elvis so I will play 'Wooden Heart' instead."
Q "Brenda - What's the weather like outside?" A "Lazy bugger! Open the door and step outside - then you'll know what the weather is like. It's simple."
Q "Brenda - What's on TV tonight?" A "What country are you talking about? Albania? Vietnam? Narnia? If you want me to answer you must be more specific! I am not a bloody mind reader!"
That's Brenda for you! A charming addition to our household. There can't be many virtual assistants quite like curmudgeonly old Brenda. What a sweetheart!
Now I want a Brenda too!!
ReplyDeleteMarco is your virtual assistant.
DeleteI call mine Lady M.
ReplyDelete"Lady M, would you wash this for me?"
"Eff off".
Is she called Brenda?
DeleteGood luck with Brenda. She sounds like she needs some training! Just this week we have welcomed Alexa into our home courtesy of our son. We are still learning all she can do but we have been having a lot of fun with her so far.
ReplyDelete"ALEXA: Sing the state song of Missouri!"
DeleteBrenda is right - the best way to find out about today's weather is looking outside, or even better, stepping outside. But of course that is only a momentary glimpse and does not necessarily mean one can forecast what the entire day is going to be like.
ReplyDeleteOn an iphone, the virtual assistant is called Siri. I hardly ever ask Siri anything, but when my phone was still new, I tried a few silly questions just for fun. One was "Will I marry again?", to which she replied "This topic is really not my specialty."
I am surprised she didn't say, "Why don't you pop the question to Herr OK?"
DeleteI wouldn't have an " Alexa" in the house. They can listen in to you I am sure. My dog is called Alexi so life could get complicated!
ReplyDeleteLove this post. So funny!
"Alexi: What is it like being a dog?"
Delete"Alexi: Why do dogs bury bones?"
Not sure you will find a market for your Brenda YP? I think your Dad humour is already morphing into Grandad humour. Ha..!
ReplyDeleteGrrr...You really know how to hurt an old guy's feelings Carol!
DeleteThat was funny. I got bought a Google' one, and weirdly it will sometimes come on all by itself, lights flashing. Is it listening? Their brain power is limited though as Brenda shows;)
ReplyDeleteThey should invent one called Thelma. She would be good at answering questions on archaeology, history, haunted churchyards and Little Mix.
DeleteVurrrtyoool assistant. That's exactly the kind of awkwardness you get from people with Lancashire accents. Can't you get Yorkshire ones? Them that tha's thee afooer tha tha's them.
ReplyDeleteActually, I've now researched this, and you can get Yorkshire ones. It's called a Tasker. I wouldn't buy one just at the moment though because there's a new one coming out that can do more than one thing at a time. It's called a multi-Tasker.
DeleteHa-ha! Multi-tasker! Must be female as men, allegedly, can only do one thing at a time.
DeleteAs is often said, they can do several things at the same time, badly.
DeleteNow, now, both of you, Multi-Tasker and YP, stop the stereotyping. In truth women are octopus (eight arms), Medusa, or Nicola Horlick soon to be upstaged by Helena Morrissey.
DeleteMen just concentrate. No wonder Einstein wasn't female.
U
Well, YP, you know the old saying - you only get what you pay for!
ReplyDeleteIt's obvious that Alexa is a much more expensive girl than your Brenda, and has had a much wider "education". She is able to answer your questions on many more subjects - possibly many of which Brenda has never heard.
I have Talk to Cortana on my computer, which might be something to do with Google, although I've not used it since the initial novelty wore off!
A virtual assistant called "Coppa's Girl" would be so sweet and giggly - creating happiness with her coquettish character.
DeleteNo better accent as far as I'm concerned.
ReplyDeleteUs lancastrians are well known for calling a spade a bloody shovel!
😀
Brenda was going to be Christina but I know how hypersensitive you all are in mid-Lancashire.
DeleteI bet you could give an Alexa a "Brenda" personality. But of course Amazon would still be collecting all your personal data. :)
ReplyDeleteI haven't got any personal data as I am a nobody.
DeleteAfter reading this I realize my name should be "Brenda."
ReplyDelete"Shall we start calling you Brenda then?"
Delete"Call me what you want buddy but I have got a gun so git offa ma property!"
Exactly.
DeleteAlexa is always extremely polite. I like that in an assistant.
ReplyDeleteI guess that is why you selected Paul from your many suitors.
DeleteAsk Brenda if she's got any turps and she'll probably say:
ReplyDelete"Audio of video?"
"Put Kettle on Brenda.
"It won't fit".
"Go on Brenda mek us a brew."
"How the feck can I mek you a brew when I 'aven't got any arms? I am not a frigging Teasmaid!"
DeleteAlexa. Is it time to get up? "I'm not qualified to answer that. It's a matter between you, your duvet and your bladder."
ReplyDeleteHa-ha! Nice one Graham. "Alexa...Are all Liverpudlians comedians?"..."Yes. All except Jimmy Tarbuck".
DeleteFunny, both your post and some of the comments.
ReplyDeleteBrenda sounds on the ball. No bullshit for her, or from her. And to think that once upon a time the name Alexa (possibly Alicia) was in the running if the boy hadn't be a boy.
Why would anyone want a disembodied Alexa in their lives? Bad enough that dictionaries and encyclopedias seem to be surplus to requirements when Google is only a few impatient clicks of your fingers away.
Come to think of it: Might be easier for your daughter to let her mother (or you) show her how to change a nappy. And don't forget Sudocrem - does wonders for little bottoms BEFORE they go sore.
Alexa
I wonder how a virtual assistant called Ursula might respond to questions and requests. I doubt that she would be subservient but she would be pleased to advertise "Sudocrem" at every opportunity.
DeleteUrsula...How many wives did King Henry VIII have?
A. Six and they all liked Sudocrem on toast.