Ever heard that song "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes"? Well, it's not so much smoke that gets in your eyes as hair - especially re. the female of our species. Now, David Attenborough might lie on his belly for ages observing gorillas in the Congo or whisper excitedly about a bird of paradise mating dance in the jungles of Borneo, but my recent scientific observations have focussed exclusively on women's hair - especially straight hair.
The trouble is that when women grow their hair long it has a tendency to fall or blow into their eyes. For example, just this morning on the BBC News, an arts correspondent speaking from the Cannes film festival found her hair blowing across her face as she spoke and she was persistently brushing it away. Similarly, in the BBC Look North studio, the weather girl - Lisa Gallagher - has to hold her head in a particularly stiff manner in order to prevent her hair from gravitating towards her eyes as she points out cyclones and wind patterns. It's a nightmare for women. Forget menstruation, menopause, childbirth and the challenges of motherhood - the biggest and most obvious problem that women have to deal with in everyday life is clearly how to keep floppy hair out of their eyes!
Women's inventiveness in this area of life seems to know no bounds and they have devised numerous ways of keeping awkward long hair in check and away from the eyes. In my chart below I have itemised just nine of these cunning methods though I am aware my list is not exhaustive:-
No. 1 Elsie is using a simple hairslide to keep her hair off her face.
No 2 Janice has gone for a brutal fringe cut to deal with the issue.
No. 3 Ena has tucked her uncontrollable hair behind her ears.
N 4 Lettice has simply pulled her long hair back and formed it into a kind of ballet dancer's bun.
No 5 Jenny has brushed her hair away from her face and then sprayed an entire can of "Stiff" on it to keep it in place.
No 6 Agatha has stuffed her floppy long strands into a stylish headscarf from "Poundstretcher".
No 7 Libby is using a simple Alice band to keep her hair back.
No 8 Sinnead has got so pissed off with her hair she's just shaved it all off.
No 9 Fatima's solution is to wear a burkha. This is recommended for all women bloggers, hiding their beauty for the pleasure and enjoyment of their menfolk, husbands or partners. Also very handy for ugly lady bloggers or those with severe acne.