Our children are not children any more. They are all grown up, living their own independent lives in which we don't figure all that much.
I visited their Instagram sites just this morning. At the top is our daughter Frances with her husband Stewart. They left London on Boxing Day bound for their honeymoon location - Sri Lanka. They are pictured on the beach at Unawatuna - just before they flew back - arriving home on Tuesday night. They had wonderful times on "the teardrop island", making memories that will last forever. You can see that in their happy faces.
And below you can see our son Ian with his arm around the lovely Holly Willoughby. The Bosh! lads had a short segment in "This Morning" on ITV on Tuesday. They had to demonstrate how to prepare and cook a meat-free burger in lightning fast time and it was all live! Thank heavens they didn't drop anything.
Our children...I can hardly remember how it used to be when they were small and depended so much upon us. Bathing them, carrying them on my back, teaching them to ride bicycles, burying them on beaches, spooning food into their mouths..."Here comes the train - the tunnel is open. Here comes another train - it's Thomas the Tank Engine. The tunnel is open...", tucking them in, reading "The Three Billy Goats Gruff" over and over.
And then when they were teenagers...lying awake, wondering when they would be home, waiting for the key in the lock. Being their taxi driver, being their banker, being their friend, their guide and chef.
Was that really me? Was it in my life? Did it really happen? It's hard to believe now that they are all grown up. Oftentimes memories have the character of dreams.
Yes. The character of dreams. Exactly. You know what I grieve for? The many things I've probably forgotten that I never thought I would.
ReplyDeleteIt is a kind of grief. I feel that too.
DeleteI spent lunchtime with son, Gaz, his wife and son at their home. I'd already been to the dentist and been treated by lady who was a 'best mate' of my late elder son during his teenage years and been down memory lane. I hadn't really given it much thought until I read your post. So much came flooding back. I have just tried to think how Gaz was chatting to my 2-year-old grandson whilst trying to persuade him to do something at lunchtime. I can't remember. I find that a bit sad now.
ReplyDeleteThe details become very blurry. You just remember the broad sweep of the landscape. Gaz should have asked Grandad to do the persuasion!
DeleteI have never been blessed with children but I have watched my sister's daughter and sons grow up to become young adults to be proud of and a part of me wishes that I could have had that joy of my own. Don't ever take it for granted but revel in every moment.
ReplyDeleteI will JayCee though in a sense the very best times have already gone - when they were little and we were all together.
DeleteMy thoughts exactly bar the fact that after we had bought our 3 up and they had flown the nest we ended up with Tom Grandson from age 14 - 18 when he left for Uni. Family problems led him to us. He gave us more headaches than our own 3 had, being of another generation, but we got through it and he has turned out fine as have our own three.
ReplyDeleteMake the most of the years left YP they are precious and will fly past.
Briony
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I didn't realise that you and Tom had had those challenging years with your grandson. No wonder Young Tom is very special to you and that your pride in his achievements is so strong.
DeleteEven though the growing up years with our kids were full of fatigue and never-ending work, I also felt they were the happiest years of my life. I am finding now with our little grandsons (5 and 3) some of that feeling has returned. Perhaps if you have grandchildren one day you will rediscover it too, YP. Retirement is lovely, endless time to do as one wishes is wonderful, but somehow that connection with children has a special quality all its own. For me it does, anyway. But then my only ambition in life - ever - was to have children and raise them up. As they say, your mileage may vary :)
ReplyDeleteWe have to whisper it these days - but isn't that what life is all about? I don't see any grandchildren arriving from Ian's direction and Stewart was made redundant a week before Christmas so delay is inevitable.
DeleteSorry to hear about Stewart's job loss; and while there's never a good time for that to happen, right before Christmas seems especially hard.
DeleteI also meant to say how sweet that last photo is. What a great picture.
They were in one of their grandfather's fields at harvest time.
Delete"Life's Journey...The Story of Us"...would be an apt title for your book.
ReplyDeleteI'll tell my agent.
DeleteI'm sure many people will share your feelings about our kids growing up
ReplyDeleteIt's that sense of it happening in someone else's life...
DeleteYes, kids growing up and leaving is sad and the blurring of memories is sad but as my dad would say, it's more sad if they don't grow up. I try to think of it that way
ReplyDeleteHe had common sense.
DeleteOh this post tugs at my heart! How well I know the feelings you describe here. It is something all parents must go through. Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet says: "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself." His essay On Children is worth reading.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that this blogpost really chimed with you Bonnie and I will try to keep your essay "heads up" in mind.
DeleteAlthough I had a wonderful childhood and am still very close to my parents, I knew from when I was a little girl that having kids was not what I wanted, and I stuck to this decision through two marriages and two long-term relationships. Now of course, even if I did want to change that (which I don't), it would be too late.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I love my families - all three of them - and feel privileged to be part of them, and I love reading about your family and that of other bloggers, while it truly saddens me when I hear of family members who have fallen out with each other or marriage crises etc. in my wider circle of friends, acquaintances and colleagues.
Your posts about the family trips you took were special memories of special times, but the day-to-day things are also worth remembering, as you are doing.
We can only follow our own instincts, our own desires. There were times when the social and family pressures to have children were strong and hard to resist. Two of my three brothers never fathered children and it is unlikely that our son Ian will ever be a father. There are too many people in the world anyway.
DeleteIt all seems a long time ago bringing up my two, you catch the moments as they grow up. Then they are adults, and suddenly you are not worrying so much. The good thing is as you grow old they come back, and eventually you will be a granddad, and they will look as gorgeous as your two children pictured above.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are right Thelma.
DeleteI think this is my most favourite post of yours, so far. I feel exactly the same way. I have three grown up children and I see them and their families regularly. But oh for those lost days. Nighttime feeds,learning to walk and talk, first days at school, family holidays, cuddles and kisses. Not sure I'd do the teenage thing again if I had the option to "fast forward" though.
ReplyDeleteI miss being the nucleus of the family, miss being needed so much.
Although we are needed in the grandparent department. We are having 5 of them over this weekend. My 7th grandchild is to be induced tomorrow at 10am as he's two weeks late.
Sorry for Stewart's news. My husband was made redundant 2 years ago and we get by on short term contracts, usually 12 weeks at a time but it pays the bills.
And an absolutely wonderful photograph of the children in a field. I can feel the warmth and happiness oozing from it.
I took that picture myself and I have always loved it. If I had turned the camera round you would have seen their grandfather Charlie on his yellow combine harvester. How wonderful to be a grandparent to seven grandchildren! I am envious.
DeleteI can send a few over the border if you like!
DeleteI don't wish to upset your feelings Christina but ultimately that could have a deleterious effect upon the Yorkshire gene pool.
DeleteSuper post. We live in a world of sand YP. Everything we grip onto slips through our fingers. Old photos make me sad. Especially ones of departed loved one's.
ReplyDeleteI have never heard that expression before - "a world of sand". It sums up the feeling perfectly. We can never truly hang on to what we have got. Everything goes.
DeleteNow I can see why you said the other day you're jealous of Ian. In fact, I'm jealous too. Holly Willoughby!
ReplyDeleteShhh! Please don't tell her husband what happened in the green room.
DeleteSo that's what she's doing with her left arm.
DeleteDistant memories DO seem like dreams sometimes. It's hard to know what really happened and what didn't. I'm pretty sure Frances and Ian really happened, though. :)
ReplyDeleteI may have to order DNA tests for them - just to make sure.
DeleteWhat beautiful children. You are blessed.
ReplyDeleteWe are indeed.
DeleteYour daughter has the same beautiful smile that she had as a small child. It is amazing at how fast and how slowly the days go by. You turn around and they are grown it seems. You are blessed.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind thoughts Lily.
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Some of my grandchildren have grown up and are far away at college. I find myself even more saddened by this than when my own children left home. I was and never will be ready for this. One of my favorite songs by Harry Bellefonte from years ago was, “Turn Around”. They are beautiful, simple words that tug at the heart strings of every parent and grandparent.
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