Janet was always looking out for things she could buy for the kids - little treats, toys, books or items of clothing. She was very kind and I often chatted to her. Like her daughter and son-in-law, she was staunchly working class with typically old-fashioned values.
The manager of the shop was Catherine - a couple of years younger than me and in most ways a great, hard-working shop manager but looking back I think she was also a bit of a misandrist*. She had put a poster up in the shared staff toilet advising men about how to use toilets, including leaving the toilet seat down for female users. It was not a joke.
Anyway at the back of the shop floor there was a door that led to the staff area and just beyond that door you would often find Catherine sorting out clothing donations - separating the wheat from the chaff as it were. On the shop side of the door was where children's books and toys were displayed.
Late on a Wednesday afternoon in March 2020 with no other customers in the shop, Janet had found a colouring book that she wanted to give to her little grandson Roy. She showed it to me and asked what I thought about it. Now this colouring book was very clearly aimed at little girls. It had a pink cover and contained mermaids and seahorses and cute little princesses.
I said to Janet, "I think it's aimed at little girls and I am not sure that your daughter and son-in-law would be too happy about it, Maybe we can find something more suitable for Roy."
At that moment the back door opened and in front of Janet I was angrily berated by Catherine, "How dare you say that! If my daughter heard you saying that about books she would rip your head off!"
I was flabbergasted but because Janet was still standing there I could not say a thing.
I had worked at the Oxfam shop for just over five years and because of that had received a bronze badge for my voluntary service. Although I could have done battle with Catherine and given her a piece of my mind about this incident, I decided to walk away instead.
The following week when she was having a day off, I left a letter on her desk saying, "I have always been happy working in this shop and I am proud of the service I have given to Oxfam but I am not happy any more and so I won't be returning". When you are an unpaid volunteer you have that luxury of being able to just walk away.
The following week the shop closed for the duration of the first COVID lockdown. I still think to myself - how dare she try to angrily correct me in front of a customer and how dare she jump to such a wrongful conclusion anyway. She had, I think, never seen or met Janet before and knew nothing about her circumstances.
People who manage volunteers have to be very careful about what is said. They have to be supportive so that the best happens for the clients.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your Sterling service wasn't appreciated in that moment, it would seem that her reaction was too extreme to be about what you said and probably related to some past incident.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'd realised that you'd finished up with oxfam. Do you miss it?
Berating in front of a customer is a huge no-no! Also, even in different times than now, I would have sold Janet the book anyway.
ReplyDeleteDon't we just hate personal injustices like that. I'm pleased to read what your reaction was.
ReplyDeleteGosh you stepped into a big hole there! What you experienced is just the modern female interpretation of the arguments that rage in social media. Being me I would have rounded on the manager and told her to b***** off.* Children are there own independent people and have their own rights to choice.
ReplyDeleteYou will be pleased to learn I argue for both sides ;)
* No I wouldn't too much of a coward sadly.
Not a very tactful person then? My niece's little boy enjoyed sharing his sister's colouring books up until the age of 4 when he started to show an interest in more boy related things, such as dinosaurs. I think your shop manager obviously holds strong views but should learn tact and diplomacy or bite her tongue
ReplyDeleteNo matter the subject, one should never put down a co-worker in front of a customer, regardless of their position (manager/subordinate etc.). It is plain wrong. Catherine was of course fully entitled to her opinion about what she perceived as your "wrong" attitude, but she could have approached you afterwards in a calm and reasonable manner when nobody else was in the shop.
ReplyDeleteWhy do some people think they can convince others if only they are loud and irritating enough about it?
You were very measured in your immediate and fuller responses. I should have been less so which is unusual for me.
ReplyDeleteSometimes life seems more complicated the older I get instead of being easier to understand with my age related wisdom. Not long ago, someone I was talking to used "they" in a sentence. I casually inquired who the others were. Turns out, "they" was just a single person but their pronoun of choice. I came across as being out of touch for asking.
ReplyDeleteSome people are in need of re-education.
ReplyDeleteWell, Catherine definitely reacted more strongly than was necessary. But having said that, I'd have left it up to Janet to decide whether her grandson would like the coloring book. I think many people nowadays are trying to get past these ideas about what's appropriate for girls vs. boys -- I know a lot of young boys who like things that might have once been thought of as girly, like rainbows or unicorns. My co-workers' son wore a princess dress all through kindergarten and loved it!
ReplyDeleteIn that traditional family I am confident that a mermaid book for a five year old boy would not have gone down well but in the end Janet bought the book saying that if Roy didn't colour it in maybe Loretta would. She was probably two or three at the time.
DeleteLike my old friend Jean Paul Sartre once said: " Hell is other people".
ReplyDeleteMany years ago I had a co-worker who had similar feelings about men. She was elected as a family court judge, and removed from the bench for her angry outbursts. She needed a good shrink, not to be elected.
ReplyDeleteWell, things are changing. My grandson August loves pink clothes and unicorns are his favorite thing in the world. Sparkly things make him happy. His parents have no problem with this. None of our family does. And the kids at school love him because he is who he is. Meanwhile, he loves his Super Heroes and Pokemon and other things we label as more for boys than for girls. He truly has no idea that boys are supposed to like certain things and girls another. He probably would have loved that coloring book. Now, having said that, it was highly inappropriate for that woman to do what she did, say what she did, especially in front of a customer. It sounds to me as she may have issues that go far beyond social ones.
ReplyDeleteShe shouldn't have yelled at you like that in front of a customer.
ReplyDeleteI would have sold the coloring book to Janet, tho. Maybe her grandson enjoys mermaids and seahorses and princesses.
In the end Janet did buy the colouring book and said that if Roy didn't use it maybe her granddaughter would. Hell it only cost 99 pence!
DeleteIt sounds like Catherine has some personal issues she needs to resolve. While many kids tend to gravitate to gender specific toys, mine seemed to play with each other's toys as much as they did their own. Even I played with dinosaurs, cap-guns, and GI Joes when I was a kid, many decades ago.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely not a good look to argue in front of a customer. She sounds as if she had some issues possible with males and certainly with anyone who had contrary views to hers. Not a good model of a boss for sure.
ReplyDeleteYou know, today is one of the many days that I agree with Steve. She should not have berated you in front of a customer. That is a given. Under no circumstances. But, that customer did not ask for or need your opinion as to the appropriateness of the book for a boy. She simply asked if you thought it was a nice book or not.
ReplyDeleteI had a nice relationship with Janet. After this unpleasant and indeed threatening outburst from the manager, Janet and I continued our conversation and she decided to buy the colouring book saying that Loretta might colour it in instead.
DeleteShe sounds slightly off kilter but I would have walked away too. Not worth the hassle.
ReplyDelete