Over at Orinoco, book sales have been rising like murmurations of starlings. The first edition of "Going Gently" by John Gray has completely sold out. For the second edition, the author requested a different, more cheerful front cover and our design team were happy to oblige:-
In other book news, we finally agreed a contract with the elusive Anglo-American writer Stephen G. Reed. He had been frolicking over at Leonardo di Caprio's pad in Palm Springs, California. So anyway here's the 1,370 page tome's first public viewing with a teasing extract from Chapter Eleven:-
Olga strained on her leather leash, pulling our intrepid hero deeper into the overgrown cemetery. They were in a brambly thicket where he had never been before. It was a shadowy place but under the overarching trees he spotted some light. There were torches (American: flashlights) and three burly, whispering men were busy digging. Our hero crouched behind a purple rhododendron bush (rhododendron catawbiense) observing this furtive activity and hoping that Olga would stay quiet... (page 684)
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As the CEO of Orinoco, I decided that it was nigh time to cast off my innate modesty and use my advantageous position to finally publish a novel I wrote several years ago. It is called "Love in The Peak District" and it is literally the best romantic novel ever written. Eat your heart out Barbara Cartland! No doubt film makers will be squabbling to secure the film rights to this timeless story. I advise readers of "Yorkshire Pudding" to purchase their copies immediately to avoid severe disappointment. The golden vans are ready.
You. Are. Deranged.
ReplyDeleteYes. I. Am. Bruce. But. Not. As. Deranged. As. You.
DeleteYou're having a lot of fun with this and so are your readers. Keep on with this yarn.
ReplyDeleteSome of my readers are too judgmental. Others are just mental.
DeleteI've been gone for a long weekend in Houston, Texas seeing 3 of my grandchildren and am very tired from all of the fun we had.
ReplyDeleteI see you are still being a goofy guy with AI, Neil!
Glad you had a good time down in Houston. It must have been brilliant to see the new baby.
DeleteYes, it was. He's a cutie and I sang to him in Yorkshire Pudding style!
DeleteSad that they are so far away. You could be looking after the baby every week... but that's the modern world for you Ellen!
DeleteThank you for making me laugh.
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome ma'am.
DeleteI was surprised to hear the Orinoco start playing when I clicked on your blog, but I didn't mind at all. As for all the books, I'll have one copy of each, the cheque will be in the mail.
ReplyDeleteI suspect that you are trying to scam Orinoco! You young hussy!
DeleteSteve's book sounds so exciting. I hope Olga remains safe. I'm probably speaking out of turn, but did you know Steve has sent signed copies to all his loyal blog readers? Obviously not you as you already have access to them. Steve has a nice signature.
ReplyDeleteYes. It is a nice signature with all the curly spiral adornments.
DeleteHa! That book cover looks like something right out of Jack London. It makes me want to drink excessively and write more about my dog. But alas, there are no canyons in West Hampstead (unless you count the street) or in Hampstead Cemetery.
ReplyDeleteAs for the three digging men, Olga NEVER stays quiet. I'm doomed!
In Chapter 12, you escape to the mountains of Alberta with the three bad men in hot pursuit. I think that that is why our design team came up with that cover. That lump on the ground is not a random rock, it's Olga under a brown blanket.
DeleteI would consider buying the best romantic novel ever written only if I were to expect a handwritten message from the author in the front.
ReplyDeleteThat can be arranged.
DeleteDon't get carried away in your new rule as a publisher, your writers may gang up on you for being very grasping in the fees you set.
ReplyDeleteThey will never find me. I am like The Scarlet Pimpernel.
DeleteNeil, my cover man is not me, he looks like Chris’s new husband !!!!!
ReplyDeleteHow unfortunate. Does he also wear a GRAY (grey) beanie hat and a GRAY (grey) jumper?
DeleteWhat a shame that you won't publish on Kindle. I shall miss out reading these books (unless they turn up in the local Charity shop one day). The cliffhanger in Steve's book particularly has me wondering what happens next....what were those men digging for - did Olga stay quiet?
ReplyDeleteThe new cover of John's book is a great improvement - much more personal.
Steve escapes to the mountains of Alberta with Olga. John's image on the new front cover is quite supercilious so it should sell even more books.
DeleteUrgh. Romantic novel. From Yorkshire Pudding???
ReplyDeleteAn extract...
Delete"Wanna come back to me tent love?" he barked down her right lughole.
They had only met ten minutes before.
Doesn't look at all like the Peak District. And it sounds absolute bolleaux.
ReplyDeleteThe Peak District has changed a lot since you were last there.
DeleteWhy's it called the Peak Districk when there are no mountains?
ReplyDeleteTheories on how the name Peak derived cite the Pecsaetan or peaklanders, an Anglo-Saxon tribe inhabiting the central and northern parts of the area from the 6th century, when it belonged to the Anglian kingdom of Mercia.
DeleteMy ancient Anglo-Saxon tribe were the Brigantes. They invented Kendal Mint Cake, The Lancashire and Yorkshire Railway(Mufc), Hollands Pies and Vimto.
ReplyDeleteMy ancient tribe were the Parisi - they occupied East Yorkshire from before the Roman era. They were exceedingly handsome, fantastic lovers and all wore black and amber scarves.
DeleteBaaa! Fluffy sheep on the cover always sell.
ReplyDeleteThere's more bestiality around than you might imagine.
DeleteI'm so impressed at how you've shot so many of our careers as authors into the the stratosphere. We are eternally grateful.
ReplyDeleteGood. After your first blockbuster our editors are now waiting for your second book: "The Roses of Roseland". In your blog you never mention that you are working on it which is concerning.
DeleteThe Peak District cover made me wonder if it was a sequel to the All Creatures Great and Small novels by James Herriot - with the vets now using air balloon to get to the most distant farms...
ReplyDeleteHa-ha! I can see the similarity.
DeleteYou inspired me to have some fun at work yesterday creating portraits of a colleague. The boss told me not to do any of her, completely horrified.
ReplyDeleteDo you pay for this or do you just use your allocated freebies every day?
When you go beyond your allocated freebies, the system still allows you to keep churning if it is not too busy. I haven't paid a penny.
DeleteI really want to purchase some of these books. Do you take bitcoin?
ReplyDeleteHey, I am not that gullible Kelly!
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