Probably, apart from some ignorant folk who fully support the anti-abortion movement in America, most of us have heard of ectopic pregnancies. The medical term "ectopic" comes from the Greek word "ektopos" which means "out of place" but in emotional terms the word could just as easily mean tears and bitter disappointment mingled with fear of dying.
An ectopic pregnancy usually involves a fertilised egg attaching itself to the inner wall of a fallopian tube. Over the last hundred years, the only medical response has been surgical removal of that fallopian tube. If allowed to grow, the tiny foetus would, in almost all cases, put the unlucky woman involved in serious danger of death.
In early 1986, I remember Shirley telling me one day that she believed she was pregnant again. She had noticed the early physical signs that she had experienced just two years before after our Ian was conceived. We were both delighted and Shirley's smile was for a brief period as angelic as only an expectant mother's smile can be.
But a week later, at the doctor's surgery, though a pregnancy was confirmed, something was wrong. It turned out that her pregnancy was ectopic and emergency surgery was required. The potential human being inside her didn't have a name and we don't know if it was male or female. I was just thankful that Shirley was alive - that she had survived this serious threat to her existence.
In 2019, a bill to ban abortion introduced in the Ohio state legislature requires doctors to “reimplant an ectopic pregnancy” into a woman’s uterus – a procedure that does not even exist in medical science – or face charges of “abortion murder”. The legislators pressed on without paying heed to the fact that there had never been a successful reimplanting in such circumstances. Plain crazy. I guess the reality of ectopic pregnancy does not fit comfortably into the anti-abortionist, "Pro-Life" narrative.
Fortunately, healthy women have two fallopian tubes and after Shirley had avoided possible death, our lives continued till in 1988 we were blessed with a second child - this time a beautiful daughter who we named Frances Emily. Fears about the possibility of another ectopic episode evaporated at the end of the first trimester.
In late 1989 or was it early 1990, Shirley told me that she was again pregnant. After all, she knew the signs. Instinctively, I was anxious and I even asked if it could possibly be another ectopic pregnancy but she she assured me that such a tragedy could not befall us a second time. However, my worry was ominous and after some discomfort and bleeding a second ectopic pregnancy was diagnosed and once again emergency surgery was required.
As in 1986, we never knew the gender of the wrongly placed embryo - no bigger than a small pea and we never gave it a name. Sadly, just like the other fertilised egg it was one of Nature's errors, a stray bullet, a might-have-been. Of course this second episode meant that Shirley could never again naturally carry another child.
- Overall, ectopic pregnancies annually affect less than 2% of pregnant women worldwide.
- In Great Britain, between 2003 and 2005 there were 32,100 ectopic pregnancies resulting in 10 maternal deaths
- In the developing world, however, especially in Africa, the death rate is very high, and ectopic pregnancies are a major cause of death among women of childbearing age.
- In women having had an ectopic pregnancy, the risk of another one in the next pregnancy is around 10%
It has taken me almost nineteen years of blogging to tell this story but it has been lurking inside me for much longer than that.
My condolences to you and Shirley. Possibly the love you feel for Frances and Ian was magnified by these two sad incidents.
ReplyDeleteI had not considered that but you could well be right.
DeleteThose two pregnancies are major losses and not just some flippant event. However , in practical terms to pregnancy has to be ended. Don't get me going about the abortion issue in the U.S.
ReplyDeleteDo the pro-life US bigots do anything to save babies' lives in Africa?
DeleteYou must have been so worried for the life of Mrs. Pudding! Not once, but twice! Oh my. You both must have felt very lucky to have your wonderful son and daughter!!
ReplyDeleteOh, the plot thickens in these crazy united states, as they say. Just yesterday the state of Alabama ruled that embryos created in IVF are to be considered children. Already, three institutions have suspended their IVF programs. A person can now be held liable for accidentally destroying those frozen embryos!! What is the matter with people???
Women desperate for babies may now have their hopes dashed because of Pro-Life fools.
DeleteThere is also the not so rare occurrence of there actually being twins at first, but not growing into two properly separated fetuses. A former colleague of mine found out that he actually had a twin brother while they were still in their mother's womb, but only he developed normally, while the other fetus never grew into a baby capable of living outside the womb. I remember him telling me that all his life he'd been carrying an inexplicable sense of loss, even as a little boy, and now he knew that it was his lost twin.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a sad story but there's a real sense it which it should be joyous. The lost child gave your colleague the chance to thrive and be born.
DeleteI knew what an ectopic pregnancy is but I know a whole lot more now. With the stacked court in the US, regardless of who wins the next election, it will take a long time before abortions on demand are again available unless a law can be made to over ride the states. I suppose a woman's system would expel an implanted foetus but how long would that take? What would the mental effect be? Would it put the woman at further risk? What a bloody **** up. I get men deciding about women's bodies. I don't get women deciding about women's bodies.
ReplyDeleteIt took decades for women to win their right to choose. Anti-abortion legislation in America has put women's basic rights back several more decades.
DeleteThat is a sad story to carry around for all these years. The good bit though is you have two loved grown-up children with their offspring's, your grandchildren.
ReplyDeleteBut something like that affects you deeply even though you may have been in denial.
DeleteThat is very sad to have happened twice.
ReplyDeleteI was unable to become pregnant and didn't want to go through any medical investigations to discover the reason so I can only imagine what that must have been like for the two of you.
I didn't know you were "unable" JayCee. I thought it had been a deliberate choice not to have children after what your mother put you and your siblings through. Thank you for sharing. Though you might not appreciate this, I am sending you a virtual hug.
DeleteI am so sorry that Shirley went through this twice. And I am horrified at the "reimplanting of an ectopic pregnancy" which probably isn't even possible.
ReplyDeleteIt isn't possible but those hypocritical Pro-Lifers don't care for truth. Nearly all of them will vote for Trump.
DeleteI am sorry to hear about the distress that you and Shirley had to endure twice. Thankfully you have two wonderful children who have now given you three beautiful grandchildren.
ReplyDeleteThe U.S shouts about their go-ahead attitude to most things, but the attitude towards abortion beggar's belief. The excuse of protecting the foetus is all to do with control. A huge step back for the freedom of all American women to control their own bodies.
They say they care about foetuses and small babies but appear to do nothing about African babies. 3,100 newborn African babies die within their first four weeks of life.
DeleteThat's different - they aren't controlling African women, the way are American women.
DeleteYes but financially comfortable Americans could better support Africa if they do indeed care so much about human life.
DeleteAn informative story that may be of help to others, although clearly very frightening at the time. As for the anti-abortionists, that kind of misplaced unswerving religious certainty is always dangerous.
ReplyDeleteI put this blogpost out to stop it being a lonesome secret but also I recognise that it may be of value to others who have firsthand experience of ectopic pregnancies.
DeleteA very sad story YP. I hope you found it cathartic when you wrote and read this post?
ReplyDeleteYes. It has felt good to share it with others.
DeleteI'm so sorry you and Shirley suffered so much loss and fear. Life is unfair at times. Many times.
ReplyDeleteLegislating for an impossibility is just bizarre. Surely they have advisors. I can't imagine how painful the legislation is for families who are experiencing an ectopic pregnancy
That there should be any delay in dealing promptly with an ectopic emergency beggars belief. The pro-Life mob are the same people who oppose gun law reform in America.
DeleteThank you for sharing such a deeply personal story. I think by reading such stories, by both sides, perhaps someday we can come to some common sense middle ground on the matter.
ReplyDeleteWell, thank goodness Shirley was OK and you have two healthy children to boot. Still, I'm sure these occurrences were upsetting for both of you, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I am so sorry that you and Shirley had to go through this. I had a professor in the nursing school at FSU who desperately wanted children and she had two ectopic pregnancies as well. Even with all of her knowledge and understanding of the situation, she was gutted.
ReplyDeleteBut. She didn't die because yes, they did surgery. Just as with Shirley.
Listen- for all of you who live in places that look upon what is happening in the US as unmitigated horror, try imagining living here. We are terrified to be having these ignorant, misogynist, Bible-thumping politicians making these laws that threaten our lives and take away our autonomy and freedoms. Just when we think it can't get worse, it gets worse. And what do we do? We vote, obviously. But right now, that's not working. We fear for our lives, our health, our daughters, our very democracy. This is a horrible time in our history.
I can't say any of this any better than Mary, so I'm not going to try. She sums up our situation perfectly.
DeleteAnd Neil, I'm sorry for you and Shirley going through that. How sad.
Thank you ladies. People like you and Steve and Bob and David and Bruce in Arizona remind me that America is not yet lost.
Delete50 years ago, the mother of a high school friend shared with me her experience with an ectopic pregnancy, how she had to leave the state she was living in to seek medical care that saved her life. Sadly we have returned to those terrifying times. I had coffee with a high school classmate last year, whose mother had worked in the office of our family doctor. She explained that her mother would drive women across 500 miles to another state for an abortion when that was what the doctor and patient decided was the best care. My classmate had followed in her mother's shoes driving women in need of care to other states as laws have regressed.
ReplyDeleteYour classmate and her mother deserve to receive congressional medals.
DeleteHow scary for Shirley and you, Neil! I'm sure you carried that same worry when your grandchildren were on their way. Thanks for sharing your story and explaining it so well.
ReplyDeleteHere in the US, I don't understand why people think they should interfere in others' medical decisions. It's terrible.
"A Woman's Right To Choose!" . Amen. But surely none would choose an ectopic pregnancy.
DeleteThose losses are very real and deserve to be grieved just as any other loss. Having other children doesn't replace the ones you lost. I hope writing about it has helped, although I know the pain will always be with you, as it is with other losses as well.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea the rate of ectopic pregnancies was that high. As for what is happening around pregnancies in the U.S., I continue to be astounded by the enormous steps being made to take away women's freedoms and rights surrounding their bodies and health decisions. Women can't avoid unwanted pregnancies because birth control and the morning after pill are being restricted. They can't terminate unwanted or even medically dangerous pregnancies because of abortion laws. It's crazy. Women's bodies are no longer under their own control. All due to religious fervor mixed with the desire for political power. And like Andrew said, I can at least begin to understand why men can think this way, although I don't think they should be making the decisions. The fact that some women are party to this makes it even more incredible.
Thank you for your thoughtful contribution Jenny. We've got to be realistic. Evidently, not every life does in fact matter as the slaughter with American weaponry in Gaza demonstrates.
DeletePersonally, I can NOT understand why men think this way. Surely they are not so UN caring as to wish all women be treated like cattle? Do they think this way when it comes to their wives, daughters, sisters?
DeleteMy condolences to you and Shirley. I had a similar experience and went on to have two children, but I still think about my first pregnancy and wonder what that baby would have been like.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this response Debbie. There must be thousands of us out there - wondering about our might-have-been ectopic children. Please accept my sympathies.
Delete