Above you can see a mock up of a screenshot from the planned first TV commercial for Real Yorkshire Puddings. The ads will star a Yorkshire terrier called Ian - also pictured above. The creative director for the ad campaign is currently on location in Angola shooting ads for a garden pond company. He is none other than Maurice T. Gowans, former soldier, goatherd, whisky distiller raconteur and life member of the Synod of the Church of England. In his application for this prestigious contract, he offered three mouth-watering scenarios for the commercials - all featuring Ian the terrier. The Board were suitably impressed.
SCENARIO ONE
I see a man sitting at a kitchen table eating a RYP. Behind him you see a Yorkshire Terrier repeatedly leaping into the air, whatever it is he is leaping for is off the top of the screen. Sound of front door opening and a woman’s voice, ‘I’m home Love, I hope you gave the dog plenty of exercise, you know he gets restless at night if he doesn’t!’ ‘I did Love’ he replies. ‘I expect the exercise did you some good too?’ She says. ‘Oh yes!’ he says popping the last of the RYP into his mouth whereupon she walks in and stops dead in her tracks with a look of amazement. Then you get the full shot of the kitchen showing a RYP hanging from the ceiling light just out of reach of the leaping terrier. The advert could end with something like ‘Real Initiative… Real Yorkshire Pudding!’
SCENARIO TWO
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| Adman Maurice T. Gowans with Gabby - his pet goat |
SCENARIO THREE
Man puts a banknote into an envelope and gives it to terrier who takes it in his mouth and trots off down the street. Dog comes to pelican crossing and sits down while he waits for little red man to turn green whereupon he crosses street, goes into shop and gives envelope to shopkeeper. Shopkeeper puts RYP and change into bag and dog trots off back home again. On the way dog sees gorgeous female terrier (cue romantic music) whereupon the two of them gambol off into the countryside and enjoy a romantic meal for two of RYP naturally. Terrier arrives home and man looks in bag and sees only a few crumbs of RYP and his change. Man looks a terrier enquiringly whereupon terrier looks towards door and female terrier appears. ‘You old Dog!’ says man affectionately.
Is Maurice force-feeding that goat with John Smith's bitter?
ReplyDeleteSHOOTING PARROTS I believe it's Real Yorkshire Pudding mixture to give the little goat the best possible nutritional start in life. I guess your mum gave you sunflower seeds.
ReplyDeleteSir Pud, you have secured the copyrights? Remember I told you I wanted a ferkin of John Smith's and a month of Sunday's worth of RYP...
ReplyDeleteMaurice?
ReplyDeletewell I would buy a packet...or two
ReplyDeletePerhaps I should get Thomas involved to advertise my egs????
hummmmmmmm, now there's a thought and there's a new challenge?
Why couldn't I have been, Rock Hunter?
ReplyDeleteJohn, eggs is easy. Can you train George to carry one without being sick on camera. If so, I think we have something here...
ReplyDeleteHIPPO (aka Maurice) You want a ferkin? You'll have to ask Linda the red-headed secretary. And you'll have so many Real Yorkshire Puddings you'll be able to tile your Angolan palace with them. You couldn't have been Rock Hunter as your geological skills are abysmal.
ReplyDeleteEARL GRAY Stop trying to poach Colonel Maurice and just stick a cardboard sign on a stick in your little front garden. Write on it "Genuine Filipino Balut Eggs" Once word gets round you'll be inundated with enquiries from as far afield as Prestatyn.
funnily enough the filipino nurses I work with often talk about those bloody awful sounding eggs..... they have to be content with my indian runners
ReplyDeleteI had a Yorkshire Terrier for 11 years. His mouth wasn't big enough to carry an egg, or any of those other things besides an envelope. You can't make a Yorkie do tricks, though. He would have dropped the envelope and pissed on it. That's pretty much what he did best, piss on things. Perhaps that could be worked into your commercials?
ReplyDeleteJAN BLAWAT If we were selling dog piss that would be fine but we're selling real Yorkshire puddings! There's not much of a market for dog piss though there are usually a few bottles in Mitt Romney's fridge...just in case Ann gets thirsty in the middle of the night.
ReplyDeleteYorkshire humour? Funny.
ReplyDeletedid you write these or did Hippo? :-) - Dave
ReplyDeleteWe could always use a Border Collie, that's pretty Yorkshire too.
ReplyDeleteMOONBOOTS Thanks for dropping by. You have won a box of mini-Yorkshire puddings which will be dispatched to you as soon as you pass me your bank details and PIN number.
ReplyDeleteDAVE The scenarios were of course written by Colonel Hippo.
HIPPO Border collies are more "butch". To be frank, I am a little embarrassed that Yorkshire's terrier dog is an irritating, yelping, rodent-like creature favoured by blue-rinse ladies of comfortable means. How about a Rottweiler?
I am aware that some Yorkshiremen can look like a Rottweiler, especially if some southern ponce takes the piss out of God's country but is a Rottweiler really Yorkshire enough?
ReplyDeleteCan a whippet or a greyhound be taught tricks? That would sort out the ever so minor practical issues with a Yorkie kindly pointed out to us by one of your other correspondents thereby saving you from investing in an animal that would only piss on the RYP, definitely not an image we would wish to convey.
HIPPO One solution might be for my correspondent Mr Shooting Parrots to dress in a Yorkshire terrier suit. I think he could be trained not to piss on the RYP's. The idea of a whippet is appealing but they don't make flat-caps big enough for my neanderthal bonce.
ReplyDeleteWouldn't a knotted hankie, or in your case a knotted pillow case do?
ReplyDeleteAlternatively, try
http://www.lockhatters.co.uk/
They've put lids on some pretty big bonces in their time.
Just seen your vote post. As I have an artistic interest in this, I shan't comment yet lest I influence the vote. Which would be unethical and prejudice my visa application for Yorkshireland
HIPPO Thank you for the link to Locks. If I ever win the football pools I'll contact them but none of their off-the-shelf sizes are big enough for me. I'm The Mekon!
ReplyDelete